As exciting as weddings are supposed to be, these events have a funny way of bringing out the worst in people.
And we might lose relationships in the process that we never thought we could lose, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor MulberryOk2954 wore what she believed was a totally suitable outfit for her brother’s wedding, but she soon discovered that the wedding party was not okay with it, based on how they bullied her throughout the wedding reception.
But when her own brother went so far as to blame her for ruining the wedding and blocked her, the Original Poster (OP) wondered how a pantsuit could possibly ruin a relationship like that.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for failing to realize I wore a white blouse to a wedding?”
The OP recently attended her brother’s wedding.
“I was invited to my brother’s wedding. Our relationship is okay. We don’t talk much because we live in different parts of the world.”
“The wedding was two weeks ago, and I flew in a week beforehand.”
“I was not in the bridal party or anything like that. I also don’t really have a relationship with his wife. So there should be no bad blood between anyone.”
She decided to wear a cute suit instead of a dress for the event.
“The dress code was ‘fancy.’ It didn’t say much more. The only thing it said was no indigo blue dresses or white dresses as well as no velvet red suits, as those were the colors of the wedding party.”
“I hate dresses. I have not worn one since I was 13. For fancy wear, I only wear suits, pantsuits, one piece, etc. For my own wedding, I wore a very nice white pantsuit.”
“For this occasion, I chose a normal black suit, vest, and suit jacket. I added a white blouse, black heels, slick hair, and some toned-down makeup. No tie but a nice necklace. You can see the suit I wore here.”
“I looked good but in no way bridal or upstage-y. And to be honest, most men had the same outfit on, sans heels, which is why it never crossed my mind that I was doing something wrong.”
But the OP received a lot of negative attention from the wedding party.
“Until after the food, everything was going well. I had noticed the bridal party bumping into me somewhat often.”
“But s**t hit the fan when I took off my vest because I had spilled something on it. Then the bride’s family and friends started to be more hostile to me, culminating in the bridesmaid dumping red wine on me.”
“I was mad, but I pretended like it was a genuine mistake and didn’t say anything.”
The OP’s brother, the groom, went totally nuclear instead of talking it out.
“Since then, my brother has called me three times.”
“The first time was to tell me that I really f**ked up his wedding. The second time was to demand that I apologize. And the third time (which was only four minutes later, not even leaving me time to write his wife) was to tell me I was dead to him until I made this up to him.”
“I have since been blocked everywhere and can’t contact him.”
The OP’s husband and parents weren’t sure what to think, either.
“My husband and mother are bewildered by this.”
“My father said I should have had more foresight, seeing as I am a woman and wore white to a wedding, but he’s mostly on my side.”
“Maybe my sister-in-law’s family had a problem with a woman wearing a suit to a wedding instead of a dress, too, I don’t know. Maybe they didn’t want to see another woman wearing ANY white at all, even if it didn’t look like a wedding dress, I don’t know.”
After posting the original post, the OP received a surprising email from her brother.
“I just got an email from my brother, telling me that if I wanted to redeem myself, I could reimburse his wife the cost of the dress.”
“Now, I’m not a detective, but this smells like bulls**t…”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were equally bewildered and could not make heads or tails of what had happened.
“NTA. I too am bewildered. It sounds like your outfit was predominantly dark in color and obviously was not a wedding dress or bridal garb in any way. The behavior of those who were offended at the wedding is atrocious and disgusting.”
“EVEN IF you had indeed made the faux pas they seem to think you did, that would have been ridiculous and inappropriate treatment. I’m sorry you were held to that ridiculous standard.”
“Does your family dynamic historically really involve statements like ‘you’re dead to me’? What does your brother even mean by ‘making it up to him’? Do they want you to grovel? I mean, they honestly just sound extraordinarily easily triggered, unkind, and mean.” – owls_and_cardinals
“To add: If someone wants to upstage the bride, they show up in white at the beginning. But just taking off the vest and showing a white blouse after all the main stuff is already over? How can any sane and normal person take that as an attempt to ‘upstage the bride’? It’s so absolutely absurd…” – Z4-Driver
“Brother: ‘You are dead to me until you make this up to me!'”
“Also Brother: who removed all ways for you to contact them or make it up to him.”
“Well, okay then…” – Cafein8edNecromancer
“D**n. That sucks. It seems like they want you to have to work hard to show your regret for this, like trying to figure out how to contact them or whatnot when they have blocked you.”
“I’d probably be more inclined to let them stay mad until they reach out to you, but how you proceed will depend on broader dynamics and your tolerance for strife between yourself and your brother.”
“I have to wonder, if this hasn’t been the nature of your relationship with your brother previously, how much of it is due to the influence of his bride. Hopefully, he’ll come around and realize cutting you off over this is not the way to go.”
“At some point, it would be good if you could tell him that statements like ‘you’re dead to me’ are unacceptable and not part of the relationship you wish to have.” – owls_and_cardinals
Others were infuriated by the double standard that had occurred at the wedding.
“Were male guests wearing a white shirt with their suits? Sounds like a double standard if they were.” – babyhatter
“If you’d read closer, you’d realize the OP is angry over the obvious double standard. OP specifically says that most of the men were wearing very similar outfits with white shirts, minus the high heels OP had on. The entire issue stems from the fact that OP is a woman, which is plain ridiculous.” – CreditUpstairs7621
“I think this happens at all kinds of events where people have to wear some more or less formal attire. Once the formal and most important part is over, the dress code gets lifted, and people lighten their attire such as taking off jackets, vests, and also ties and opening at least the top button of the shirt.”
“Just a normal thing to happen. So, why couldn’t OP take off her vest as well?” – Z4-Driver
“Nobody complains about men wearing white shirts. Apparently, the ‘no white’ only applies to women. Which is bulls**t, if you ask me. Anyway, NTA.” – Miss_Eisenhorn
“I’m guessing he’s getting a lot of sh*t from the bride, and he’s taking it out on you. Your outfit sounds great, and the fact all the men were basically wearing the same thing, sans heels, tells me there’s some sexism rooted in there, too.”
“As in, a woman shouldn’t wear a suit to a wedding, and you only did it to stand out amongst the other women and upstage the bride; that kind of kind of thing.” – StrictlyMarzipanOwl
“It sounds like they thought not wearing a dress or skirt made you distracted from their female drama time and ‘the most important day of their lives.'”
“Call yourself Marlene Dietrich because you mussed their gender-feels.”
“(I reinforce this with the bumping and wine spilling; THAT is peak id**t female behavior that comes from the dumbest of my gender.)” – BigFitMama
Some had other theories about what had happened at the wedding.
“Maybe it’s not the white shirt, but the suit…? Does the bride’s side have some whacko intensity about gender roles?”
“There is no way a woman in a white blouse and dark pants could be confused for the bride. The wait staff maybe, but never the bride.”
“Send her the bill for your dry cleaning, and tell your brother you’ll be there for him after the [inevitable] divorce. NTA.” – DowntownKoala6055
“Are you really hot, and she’s just really insecure? I mean, it’s a stretch and a half, but at least it’s SOMETHING. Still NTA, though.” – Basic_base_
“A woman in a suit with her hair slicked back is peak hotness, to be honest, and the bride was probably either jealous or experiencing gay thoughts. And if her family’s as close-minded as I think they might be, that would be a serious ‘whoa’ moment for her.” – CheerfulMint
“It seems like that group of ladies are fanatic about the etiquette of ‘another woman shouldn’t wear white to a wedding’ bandwagon and got so worked up over it and created this drama at the wedding. And you’re just sitting there wearing the same thing as 40% of people there were (all the guys also wearing white dress shirts) pretty much an innocent bystander.”
“NTA, and they were over the line. But unfortunately, it’s one of those things where her feelings will never change, and she and her ladies probably won’t ever see that they were wrong.”
“You can either ‘peacekeep’ and apologize, and she won’t be happy, or you can hold your ground and she won’t be happy anyway. But NTA no matter what.” – Ryoko_Kusangi69
The subReddit was just as confused about what had happened at the wedding as the OP was, though they certainly had their theories.
From antiquated gender roles about women wearing suits to too much of an emphasis being placed on anyone else wearing white, they were certain the wedding party had placed far too much emphasis on appearances for their wedding.
Hopefully, they would grow from this and realize there were far more important things to worry about and celebrate in their relationship.