Picking the perfect baby name can be a sacred process.
Often times, when parents are struggling to conceive, they use the perfect name as a hopeful placeholder.
This can be an issue when others come along and take the name for themselves.
Truth be told, nobody “owns” a name, but it can still cause some painful problems among loved ones.
Redditor Key-Form74 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for leaving the hospital after my sister gave birth and announced the name of her baby?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (32 F[emale]) have been dealing with infertility for 7 years now.”
“My husband and I are prepared for the fact we might never get to have a child together but it’s not easy.”
“We’re both currently in individual therapy to help us process all of this and find a way to be a peace regardless of what the future holds for us, but I truly hope we are lucky enough to have a child.”
“My husband and I have baby names picked out.”
“We never talk about them.”
“But we have a little note on our baby name book with our boy and girl name pick.”
“It’s in our bedroom.”
“We don’t look at it much anymore, but it keeps us hoping, you know.”
“My sister (36 F[emale]) has five daughters, and two weeks ago, she gave birth to her first son.”
“My husband was working, but I was at the hospital with my parents and my sister’s I[n]-L[aw]s waiting for the birth.”
“Once he was born, we were called to meet my nephew, and my sister told us they’d chosen the name Elio for him.”
“She said the name was originally mine and my husband’s top choice, but since we wouldn’t be having any kids after all this time, she decided they should use it and not let the name go to waste being kept secret by me.”
“It was then I remember seeing my sister in my room while she was pregnant a few months before.”
“I thought nothing of it at the time but realized she’d been snooping.”
“My parents asked how she could do that without talking to me first.”
“My sister replied that it seemed a shame to waste a perfectly good name if I asked her not to use it.”
“I couldn’t handle it and I left.”
“I didn’t even say congrats or anything.”
“I left and went home and I cried for a while.”
“The very next day my sister called and asked me why I made it such a big deal.”
“She also decided to drop that she was hurt. I never discussed my baby names with her, gatekeeping them, even when I knew I wouldn’t have a baby.”
“I asked her how she could go out of her way to take the one name my husband and I had picked.”
“She called me sensitive.”
“I ended the call without another word.”
“My parents checked in on me two days after.”
“But since then my parents have said I should let it go and apologize for walking out.”
“My sister also said I made her postpartum time, and it was very selfish on my part.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Hmmmmm. NTA.”
“Now, this subreddit, including yours truly, is a big supporter of ‘we don’t f**king own names.’”
“And that’s true, but your sister was acting incredibly out of line here.”
“The snooping, calling you out for not talking about the names ever, and choosing the name that she specifically got the idea of from snooping without so much as a conversation is completely unacceptable.” ~ applebum8807
“Not to mention sister specifically says it would just go to waste otherwise… implying OP would never have kids even though it sounds like it’s still a possibility.”
“That’s just mean-spirited, and sister owes OP an apology for all of this.” ~ rainyhawk
“Completely agree. Sister snoops, picks the #1 boy’s name, and puts you down saying you’ll never be able to use it, but parents want YOU to apologize.”
“NOT the AH.”
“But golden child sister and your parents most certainly are.”
“I’m so sorry this happened to you. 😔” ~ Rare-Parsnip5838
“OP isn’t even that old.”
“She could perfectly well have a child, maybe not in traditional ways, but it’s possible.”
“Snooping, using the name, springing it on her publicly, and then deliberately disrespecting her is awful, and getting their parents to support her is just so insensitive.”
“NTA OP, I really hope your therapy helps, and sorry you have another issue to discuss.” ~ Chinita_Loca
“NTA. Keeping your preferences secret is not ‘gatekeeping names.’”
“The names exist without you, and you don’t owe anyone else your ideas.”
“It sounds like she deliberately searched out your preferred name so she could use it to spite you, and rub it in that she can use it while you so far can’t.”
“What a malicious way to bring a child into the world.”
“And now of course she makes your provoked reaction about how that hurts her.”
“I don’t know how you get past this, with her.”
“Your sister sounds extremely toxic.” ~ calling_water
“I feel the same.”
“Being a selfish prick is bad enough.”
“Snooping and planning this s**t for any period of time is what is called ‘motive’ in court cases.
“That makes this first-degree a**hole behavior.”
“I have no clue how you handle this other than forming a fortress within your marriage to protect and defend your partnership from your sister’s toxicity.”
“And since your mother is clueless, I’m sending you old lady hugs and unconditional support.”
“Please hang in there!” ~ Ravenmn
“NTA. No one owns a name but your sister did that on purpose.”
“If I were to guess, I bet she has a history of trying to outdo you, outshine you, or just all together steal your thunder.” ~ ThisIsMyCircus40
“Also feels sly that she was like ‘Since you can’t have one, womp womp’ like it wouldn’t make you sad the rest of your life to have to refer to this child by this name.
“NTA, your sister is a d**k.” ~ Princesscrowbar
“NTA. It’s not gatekeeping if she found the name by being rude and looking through your personal space.”
“I can’t help but wonder what the baby’s father thinks of the name and if he knew how OP’s sister found the name.” ~ RebeccaMCullen
“NTA. I went into this thinking my vote would not be in your favor, because you can’t really call dibs on names.”
“But what your sister did was pretty shi**y – snooping in your stuff, then using the name you like, and – most egregious – rubbing it in your face that you may not be able to have a baby of your own.”
“Has she always been one to try and one-up you?”
“Honestly, I think you should distance yourself from her for your own well-being because she seems pretty toxic.” ~ rosebudny
“NTA. I will never understand the idea of owning a name.”
“However, she clearly snooped and made hurtful comments.”
“I get the feeling that she did this on purpose.”
“Not sure of her goal.” ~ Bloodystupidjohnson3
“NTA… if it had been a coincidence then sure, that’d be some bad luck.”
“But she purposefully snooped and chose this name.”
“She’s an a**hole.” ~ No-Locksmith-8590
“NTA, but your sister is.”
“If she wanted to use the name you had set aside, she should have talked to you about it.”
“She should NOT have mentioned your battle with infertility just after announcing that she had stolen your preferred name.”
“Continue to go no contact with her and anyone else who thinks you need to be the ‘bigger person’ when you were not the one who was wrong.”
“I hope you do get to have your child(ren) and if there is a boy, I hope you name him Elio.”
“Show anyone who asks why you chose Elio your diary and say that this name helped you and your husband through the devastating journey of infertility.”
“Your sister admits she stole the name, so her use of Elio will always be the ‘copy’ and never the original.”
“If you want to be petty (and who doesn’t), if you decide to adopt a pet at some point (if you’re only blessed with daughters), I hope you name it Elio.”
“And continue to do it for every pet you ever have (Elio Original, Elio Jr, Elio the Third, etc).” ~ G0t2ThinkAboutIt
“NTA. She snooped, stole your baby’s name, and then said you were gatekeeping it from her?”
“Your sister sucks.” ~ DollOfMischief
“It would not have affected you the same if it turned out to be a coincidence, I don’t think.”
“It would still have stung, but not like the invasion of privacy and cruel words do.”
“NTA. You do not need to keep the peace.” ~ Djhinnwe
“NTA. She openly said that she took the name you picked, proving that she snooped in your house.”
“She then rubbed in the fact that you don’t have children and acted like you are wrong to even hope. You are not being too sensitive here, your sister is being an AH.”
“By the way, I know someone who’s expecting her first baby this month after several rounds of I[n] v[itro] f[ertilization].”
“She’s 44. You are still young, so your sister is wrong to assume all hope is lost.” ~ MiscreantMarsupial
“I’m normally in the ‘you don’t own a name’ and ‘it’s ok for cousins to have the same name’ camps, but this was malicious!”
“First, she snooped to find out about the name covertly and underhandedly, and then when you dared mention something, she decided to inflict emotional injury by bringing up your fertility issues?!”
“No, that is intentional and mean.”
“There is definitely an AH in this story, and it’s her! NTA.” ~ Aggressive_Cloud2002
“Your sister didn’t take the name because she liked it, she took it to deliberately hurt you.”
“She rubbed your face in your fertility issues and gloated over the name.”
“For your peace of mind, just go N[o] C[ontact] with your sister and L[ow] C[ontact] with your parents if they can’t see how awful your sister is.”
“You deserve to be surrounded by loving, supportive people, not monsters like your sister. NTA.” ~Tannim44
“NTA. I’m usually of the ‘no one owns a name’ opinion, but in this specific instance, your sister was downright evil in how she treated you.” ~ AgnarCrackenhammer
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Your sister owes you an apology.
It’s terrible that your suffering was compounded in such a way.
Hopefully, you’ll get your baby miracle soon.
Good luck.