In sickness and in health.
Until death do you part.
That is a big part of the marriage vows, maybe even the most important part.
Some people tend to forget that moment.
Case in point…
Redditor PrettyPiplup wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for asking my husband to work overtime to help pay my part of the bills after surgery?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For a little background, my husband has always been against overtime unless he is required to by his job.”
“If we need any extra money for Christmas or birthdays I am always the one that works the overtime to come up with those funds.”
“When he lost his job at the beginning of Covid I was also the one that worked 6-7 days a week to make sure everything got paid.”
“I’ve known this about him for a while and I have come to accept that this type of thing was just how it is.”
“I completely understand not wanting to work overtime if you don’t have to, so I don’t completely blame him.”
“I do however think there are some times you just have to do it if that’s what it takes.”
“So what happened was recently I got very sick.”
“I tried to hold out until my days off but after about 3 days I got to the point that I could barely function.”
“I went in to the ER almost 10 hours before I should have been at work.”
“(I work nights) and I hoped that it would give me time for them to help me and then me be able to go to work that night.”
“Unfortunately, it didn’t go as planned and they kept me as I had to have surgery the next day.”
“I ended up missing two days of work because of this and it severely impacted my paycheck as it also got rid of my bonus.”
“I had not even had my surgery yet before he was telling me I would have to work my two days off to make up for what I was missing.”
“I however was not cleared to do so and was also in a massive amount of pain.”
“The day I got out of the hospital he asked me if I would still be able to pay my half of the bills.”
“And I told him I didn’t think so because of how much money I would be missing out on.”
“He immediately went to ‘well you’re going to have to sell some of your stuff to make it up.'”
“To which I said ‘I figured maybe you could help me. If you worked on your day off you could probably make up a good portion of what I’d be missing.'”
“‘And then I could just pay you back or buy you something later’ this set him off.”
“He thinks I’m being selfish and that I shouldn’t expect him to work on his day off to pay for my bills.”
“I understand completely why he wouldn’t want to work extra time but at the same time I don’t really have much of a choice.”
“I also don’t think it’s fair that he expects me to sell my things when I picked up his slack when he lost his job and never once hinted he should sell anything.”
“I feel like I could be the a**hole by expecting him to help out some.”
“But it’s not like I can work more hours to make up the money because I literally just had surgery.”
“I feel like he went in to a**hole territory when he started to yell at me for being selfish.”
“And going as far as to even call me lazy when I was literally in so much pain that I couldn’t even sit up.”
“He has a habit of being selfish and rude but I just feel like this went too far.”
“I stay for our daughter because she loves her dad.”
“But she’s already starting to take his traits so I’ve been making plans to get her away from him.”
“And if everyone agrees with him I guess I will apologize to him.”
“I just kind of assumed marriage was 50/50 but I may be expecting more than I should.”
“Also sorry for any formatting errors. I’m on mobile.”
“So AITA or is he TA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. What part of in sickness and in health did your hubby misunderstand?” ~ Regular-Tell-108
“It is a rough situation, and I’ve never agreed with staying together for the kids or getting married because you’re pregnant.”
“I’m a product of a divorced home and (largely) turned out alright.”
“I hope that you have friends/family that can help you out, or that you can turn to after maybe moving, or whatever your situation will become.”
“I cannot imagine being the husband that didn’t fully support his wife or family.”
“I cannot count the times that I went without wants, and sometimes personal needs, in order to provide for the household.”
“Granted, in my situation, some of that was me being taken advantage of by my then-wife.”
“And I didn’t see it right away.”
“But eventually what had to be done, had to be done, and it was better for us both long-term.”
“Your difference is the child.”
“But again, with the right support and community a child of a divorced home can achieve.”
“Good luck, godspeed, get well soon, and (most importantly) you are NTA!” ~ Capt0bv10u5
“I never really understood that either. “
“Also a child of divorced parents and I vastly preferred moving back and forth between them over constantly living in a house with all this tension in the air.”
“Just make sure you don’t start talking crap about your ex.”
“My father did some godawful things but they always remained civil towards each other, me and my brothers didn’t suffer too much from the divorce.”
“OP is also definitely NTA, good luck!”
“Get well soon and RUN!” ~ annekecaramin
“I also can not imagine this lack of care for one’s wife in a serious time of need.”
“He has expectations that he, himself, is not willing to reciprocate.”
“My husband would NEVER.”
“He is a hard-working man to a fault and would not even need to be asked to pick up my slack if I was out for any amount of time.”
“OP, you deserve better considering you are all-in as a supportive partner and he just isn’t.”
“NTA Cheers to your speedy recovery and get-a-way mission!” ~ No_Belt_4148
“Make up a spread sheet of all the bills you paid on his behalf when he got laid off and present it to him.”
“Just tell him you didn’t realize you were keeping score and to deduct the cost of your half of the bills from the amount he owes you. NTA.” ~ Adviceisonthehouse
“OP, unfortunately you are also going to be saddled with the medical bills.”
“If you do decide to get a divorce, take everything you can get.”
“Don’t be persuaded by thinking you don’t deserve it.”
“You’ve put, it seems from your post, far more into this marriage than he has.”
“Do NOT let moments of weakness destroy your financial health.”
“And if you own your home, try to keep your home and have him move out.”
“Get a lawyer before you ask for a divorce and get your questions about financial arrangements, child custody, etc.”
“answered as much as you can before telling your ex.”
“Make sure that if you have access to his accounts that you take note of how much is there, etc.”
“I speak from experience OP.”
“Please learn from mine.” ~ PickleNotaBigDill
“OP, this is divorce-worthy.”
“And I think you should divorce him simply because you had to come here to find out if you’re the AH or not FOR EXPECTING YOUR HUSBAND TO HELP YOU OUT WHEN YOU ARE SICK!!”
“He’s twisted your understanding of right and wrong and smashed your judgement.”
“Get away from him. NTA.” ~JadieJang
“You feel this confused because he is abusing you.”
“And you deserve better.”
“Emotional, mental, and financial abuse is still abuse.”
“Forcing you to return to work before your doctor has cleared you for it is physical abuse.”
“Please. Please please please leave him.”
“For your own sake as much as your daughter’s.”
“You can’t raise her if you die from being sick and over worked.” ~ Fabulous-Ad-5284
“NTA. this would be a deal-breaker for me to be honest; your hubby called you LAZY after you had surgery?”
Get outta here with that bull.”
“You worked 6-7 days a week, no complaints, to cover him when he lost his job.”
“And now you are hospitalized and miss a few days of work and ask him to work 1 day of overtime and he loses his s**t?”
“You deserve better.” ~ alphaowlboy
Well OP… Reddit has been loud and clear!
You deserve way better and you are in no way an AH!
Please take care of your health and well being.
Good luck.