In a relationship, it’s expected that you want your partner to be happy. It’s not like you’d purposefully ask them to do something that will make them miserable.
Right?
Redditor Nox_31415 the original poster (OP) had a question about how she handled a request from her boyfriend. So she took her story to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
OP’s question begins:
“AITA for not wanting to get a job?”
She explains:
“The title sounds bad, I know, but please wise people of Reddit, just hear me out. Also English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.”
“My BF (29M[ale]) and I (27F[emale]) have been together for 3 years now, and we decided that it was time to live together.”
“Some background information: he is an engineer working for a big company in my country and I’m a writer.”
“I also own two apartments in a very popular and nice area in the city where we live that I rent for extra income (they belonged to my grandparents, and as the only grandchild I inherited them when they died).”
“Even though the pandemic hit my country hard, I did not experience any difficulties because my tenants have kept paying me rent. Therefore, my income hasn’t changed at all.”
“I’m not a millionaire by any means, but I can live comfortably just renting my properties.”
“On to the main issue. We decided that I would move to BF’s flat as it is bigger than the one I currently live in, and we agreed that we would go 50/50 on everything (rent, utilities, groceries, etc). I would do more household chores than him since I WFH but I had no problem with this, of course.”
“However, my BF is now saying that I should look for a ‘real job’ because it would be unfair that “you stay home all day doing nothing while I work”. I’m currently working with my editor to finish the first novel in my series (which will consist of three books), so it’s not like I ‘do nothing all day’.”
“I refused to so so because 1) I have a real job (and an extra source of income) and 2) I can pay my share of the living costs without any problem. He insists that I’m being unreasonable.”
“AITA?”
When you tell AITA your story, you are judged in a few different ways.
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The other users on the board were quick to answer that OP was not wrong for refusing to get “a real job.”
“NTA whatsoever. He is being extremely rude. Being a writer is a job.”
“You also have a steady source of income. And you don’t “do nothing.” You work hard.”
“He’s throwing a fit. Stand your ground and explain to him that writing is absolutely a real job, you absolutely do work, you’re being very fair with the chores and money, and that you will not go get a different job.”
“If he doesn’t respect that… consider if this relationship is healthy or not.” – AnonymousDifficulty
“NTA you’re contributing fairly to the household expenses so no issue there. And the line of it not being fair that you stay home.”
“What a joke. He needs to grow up if that’s his perception of unfair. And ‘real job’ What does that even mean?” – Specialfrancine
“NTA and this is a huge warning sign. You decide to move in and the first thing he does is tell you that you should completely change your lifestyle, because he is… jealous??”
“In essence saying you are less than him because you don’t work a ‘real’ job? Wow. You need to seriously rethink this relationship!” – coolpiggie
In fact, many asked OP how she could even consider dating someone so judgmental.
“NTA”
“But why would you want to live with someone who has demonstrated a lack of respect for your career?” – the-mirrors-truth
“The thing is that he has been incredibly supportive of what I do ever since we started dating.”
“He has read my drafts, has cheered me up when I get frustrated and has helped me a lot in general. I honestly don’t know where this sudden outburst is coming from…” – Nox_31415
Then someone said what we all were thinking.
“NTA. But you may not be long term compatible.” – SciFiEmma
“I’m starting to think so too…” – Nox_31415
In her next update, OP shared the confrontation she had with her BF:
“So I posted this some days ago, and a lot of things have happened since then.”
“Of course, I sat down with my BF to talk about his sudden change of attitude towards my job as a writer, and I told him that it was very disrespectful to tell me that I have to get a “real job” when I already have one. I told him that I was considering ending the relationship too because of that.”
“However, I also asked him if there was something that he wasn’t telling me because this behavior was not normal at all.”
“At first he doubled down on saying that there was nothing that he wasn’t telling me, but after insisting a bit more he admitted that he was jealous of me.”
“He said that he hates his job (this was quite a surprise, ngl), and he resents seeing me so happy and fulfilled with mine. The fact that I have another source of income only makes his jealousy worse because I’m pretty independent and can stop working whenever I want (his words, not mine).”
“However, he said that he was willing to let me continue writing if I also work somewhere else to make things fair. I was flabbergasted (I love this word) to say the least.”
“So yeah, I broke up with him. It hurts, but I’ll live. Maybe this will give me ideas for another novel hahaha”
“Thank you all for your advices and kind words, they have been really helpful :)”
While we aren’t surprised that the real reason was due to jealousy, we are surprised he admitted it. And that he had the audacity to say he’d “let” her continue something she loves if she made the effort of being more miserable.
From the sounds of it, OP will be much better off without someone who literally wants to make her life worse.