We’ve all heard horror stories about in-laws, even including mothers who push boundaries with their sons and daughters-in-law.
But usually the moms don’t go so far as to wish their daughters-in-law dead, side-eyed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Exciting-Ice-9119 was recently discharged from the hospital after getting into a car crash, and she was shocked when her youngest daughter started crying, because she was under the impression that she would die.
When she discovered that this fear was planted by her mother-in-law, who wished to get her daughter-in-law out of the way, the Original Poster (OP) immediately wanted to go no contact with her.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for cutting my Mother-in-Law (MIL) off because she told my daughter she hoped I had died when I was taken to hospital?”
The OP was recently in a car accident.
“I (30 Female) was in a car crash. I had to be cut out of the car.”
“I wasn’t seriously injured, though, thankfully, but the other person unfortunately wasn’t doing too well, from what I saw before I was taken away to the hospital.”
“I was told to stay in the hospital overnight to see if I suffered from a concussion.”
“I rang my husband and told him what happened.”
“My Mother-in-Law (MIL) got the incidents mixed up when he dropped off our daughters (ages 6 and 11) at my MIL’s house while he rushed to see me. She thought I was the one in critical condition and the other person was fine.”
The OP found out her MIL had a literal death wish for her.
“The next morning, my husband brought our daughters to come see me while I was waiting to be discharged.”
“Upon seeing me, my six-year-old burst into tears and said, ‘I don’t want you to die.'”
“I comforted her and said that I wasn’t dying and I was very lucky.”
“She then told me that her Granny said she hoped I died so that my two daughters and my husband could come live with her.”
“My husband and I were shocked, but then my 12-year-old confirmed that she heard her grandmother say that.”
“My husband said he was going to ring my MIL. When he came back in the room, he looked furious but didn’t say anything until after we got home.”
“Then he told me my MIL denied it, but after he kept pushing, she ended up admitting it, but she said she didn’t mean it.”
The OP felt deeply betrayed.
“I thought me and her were close. But I guess not.”
“I am incredibly hurt she would want that and said I wanted the girls and I to go no contact with my MIL. I told him that he could have a relationship with her but I didn’t want me and the girls to have one with her.”
“My husband said he supported me, and then he rang his mother to tell her what I said.”
“She didn’t take it too well. She came to our house, crying and saying it was a misunderstanding and she didn’t mean it and that we were taking it the wrong way.”
“My husband asked, ‘Well, what did you mean, then?'”
“She just got hysterical and started crying and saying she always wanted daughters but my husband was the only child due to her not being able to have anymore after him, and that the girls are more like her daughters than granddaughters to her, and that she wasn’t thinking properly when she said that to our six-year-old.”
“She got so worked up that my husband had to take her home.”
The OP felt somewhat conflicted over taking such a big step.
“When he got back, he said he didn’t know she felt like that and asked if I still wanted to cut her off.”
“I said yes. He said okay and didn’t argue.”
“But it’s been a week now and he is still very quiet and hasn’t said much about what happened. Now I’m starting to feel guilty and wondering if I did take it the wrong way and being the a**hole?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that traumatizing the children was enough of a reason to have no contact.
“She traumatized your child. It was horrifying for your daughter to hear that. It was bad enough her mom was in the hospital after a car accident. As a young child, she likely had a whole lot of frightening scenarios going through her mind, unable to properly process that.”
“Your daughter needed assurance and positivity. Not what that disgusting harridan said. Your MIL DID mean it. You don’t blurt something like that out, out of ‘misunderstanding’ or as a joke.”
“That whole hysterical outburst she put on in front of you? That was bulls**t. Manipulative bulls**t. Because she got caught. And it seems to have worked on your husband because she’s trained (brainwashed) him that way.”
“Stand your ground. She needs at the very least a good LONG time-out. Do not let your husband or anyone sweep this under the rug because doing that would make everyone think it’s perfectly okay for MIL to hope you died and for your daughters to lose their mom. That’s sickening!”
“I’d make that time-out at least 6 months. Heck, make it for the rest of this year. So she loses out on the big holidays at the very least. What a vile f**king cow!”
“NTA.” – Laquila
“At first, I hoped it was just a misunderstanding, and MIL actually said, ‘Don’t worry, if something happens to your mom, you can always come live with me.'”
“But no, the older girl confirmed what she actually said. How can someone say that to a child at such a time!?” – Pristine_Table_3146
“It’s absolutely shocking that MIL could let such words slip during a child’s moment of fear and distress. It’s way beyond a slip of the tongue; it’s a deep-seated issue coming to the surface in the worst possible way.”
“The kid will remember that comment, and unfortunately, it could affect her sense of security and trust in her family. Protecting your daughter has to be the priority, and if that means keeping such a toxic influence away, then so be it.”
“The well-being of your child trumps any sense of obligation to maintain a relationship with someone so callous.” – VectorViper
“Honestly, it would have been better for MIL to say that she just doesn’t like OP for whatever reason and they can maybe repair their relationship.”
“It is UNHINGED for MIL to say that she sees her granddaughters as hers/daughters. It’s very controlling.”
“On top of actually saying that to children when she’s supposed to be a trusted adult. Serious violation.”
“I would suggest talking with your daughters and listen to them retell the story and their feelings about the whole accident in their own words. Research has shown that is the best way for children to process any traumatic event.” – rubykowa
Others agreed and questioned if the Mother-in-Law (MIL) was mentally stable.
“Honestly, this entire situation just shows that MiL is NOT safe around OP or the daughters!”
“Since MIL sees the girls as daughters, she already has a sense of possession about them!”
“This means there is a chance that MIL will try to do something dangerous to hurt OP and get her out of the way!”
“Anyone who would say something vile like that, and to the little children is even worse, has no conscience, no empathy, no love for OP!”
“Be safe, OP. Don’t let her manipulate you. And don’t let your hubby get all sad to make you give in!”
“Keep yourself and your daughters safe! MIL CANNOT BE TRUSTED!” – Beautiful_Ad8690
“Basically, she sees OP as her surrogate.”
“If she never had the opportunity to be the mother of daughters, she had the opportunity of being a great-grandmother to her granddaughters.”
“I understand that she had to grief, but she ruined her chances by being greedy.” – jakeofheart
“I thought that was so shallow, like I understand wanting daughters, but you would have serious mental issues for even thinking your son’s children were yours, like you birthed them from him.”
“That poor man just got a slap of reality, realizing his mother was always disappointed he was a boy instead of a girl and wanted to use his children to gain her wish.” – RecordingKindly3074
“NTA. The fact that she admitted that she thinks of them as HER daughters (and therefore not YOUR daughters) just reaffirms that she meant exactly what she said. It also indicates that she isn’t mentally stable.”
“No mentally stable person tells a six-year-old (or a 12-year-old or child of any age) ANY variation of, ‘I hope your mother dies so such-and-such can happen.’ No mentally stable person even thinks that, much less says it and says it to the person’s children.”
“She’s proven that she is great at fooling you and others (since her own son didn’t even know this) into thinking she’s normal and that she even liked you. Pretending that you like someone (literally for YEARS) when you really wish they were dead so you could take their children is no small level of deceit. That’s a severely unhinged person who is a master at deceit & is playing the long con.”
“I’d never allow my daughters to be around her again. They simply are not safe with her. For that matter, you might not be safe around her either. (You’d better make sure your husband keeps his spine, because if he’s going to fold and expose his daughters to her again, he can’t be trusted either.)” – MyHairs0nFire2023
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update, specifically about therapy and her youngest daughter’s upcoming birthday, in another post.
“Well, you guys were right. I decided to talk to my husband and asked if he was upset that I decided that the girls and I should have no contact with MIL.”
“He said he wasn’t. He said he always knew my MIL wanted a daughter instead of him and that it brought back all the bad memories of rejection and hurt he felt growing up as a kid.”
“I suggested therapy and he’s willing to go. We are also going to get therapy for our six-year-old as she now gets anxious if I’m not within her sight.”
“My husband agreed that going no contact with his mother would be the best thing for our family.”
“Our daughter’s birthday is coming up, and we have yet to tell my MIL that she is no longer invited. Not looking forward to that.”
“But that’s the update. Thanks everyone for the lovely comments and support. I appreciate it.”
Some gave ideas about how to best approach the birthday celebration.
“Suggestion? Maybe take your daughter out of town for her birthday to a nearby attraction, zoo, play, or something special on her birthday instead of a party or a party on a later date with her little friends instead of family.”
“If you’re not there, MIL can throw all the witch fits she wants and nobody will be there to see her and there’s no party for her to ruin.” – Danivelle
“Honestly, after the trauma your MIL (I refuse to call that b***h a grandparent name) just put her through and the anxiety she’s expressing, a party might be more stressful than fun for her right now.”
“She’d spend the time trying to keep you in her line of sight and just might be feeling overwhelmed in general because she’s not fully understanding why she feels so anxious. Whereas a special day with you and DH (Dear Husband) is exciting and she’s in a safe space because you both are right there next to her.”
“P.S. I’m so glad your DH is so supportive! So sorry he’s feeling so hurt due to it all; it’s not his fault but I’m sure he feels it is on some level.” – Novel_Ad_1943
“I booked a hotel room for almost a week so we could celebrate my daughter’s birthday downtown doing lots of things, only the three of us. I had to, because of my manipulative mother.”
“My dad’s decent and my MIL is an angel. I felt bad for my MIL because I knew she would be thrilled to have some time with us, but I just can’t handle the situation with my mom.”
“NTA, OP. Do something that will let your family get away from the drama for a little while.” – pplmbd
“Don’t tell her anything going forward; no more update phone calls or anything. No Contact means you simply don’t tell her any details. She’s literally not receiving an invitation. If she knows them, change the plans. Don’t let her retraumatize your kids by showing g up and making a scene.”
“Also, make sure the schools know not to let her near your girls.” – Dachshundmom5
Others were supportive of therapy and, of course, going no contact.
“NTA.”
“Your MIL has no respect for you or your family. She disrespected you, traumatized her son all over again, and said harmful things in front of her granddaughters. There’s no coming back from this at all.”
“Please don’t be surprised to learn your MIL will fight for visitation. As you said in your previous post, she always wanted a daughter, and you have two whom she’ll no longer get to see. Please be ready.” – aquavenatus
“Oh yikes. Your husband must have been through a lot of garbage growing up… Hope you all can heal together.” – ChrisInBliss
“Thank you for supporting your husband. That’s enormously hurtful to know you were never what your parent wanted so having you love him through this will be very healing.”
“When my mom was born, the doctor came out and told her dad, ‘It’s a girl!'”
“Grandpa’s response? ‘C‘mon doc, you can do better than that!'”
“She was a good kid, straight A’s, but she didn’t have a penis so she was worthless to her parents. Her little brother was always in trouble and had terrible grades but was the golden child.”
“Even at my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary, I heard Grandpa introduce them as, ‘This is my wonderful, successful son, Jack, and this is his sister, Jill.'”
“She grew up to have no self-esteem, and Jack grew up to be a raging narcissist.” – elfowlcat
“Thank you for the update. I feel bad for you, your daughter, and your husband. I am glad that you discussed this calmly with your husband and got to hear how he feels. He must be going through a lot since it’s not just how his mother made him feel but compounding the pain caused to his daughter.” – Debsha
“Your MIL has caused so much hurt. I’m glad you and your husband are on the same page, and I hope you’ll be able to come back with a positive update!” – miyuki_m
Then the OP shared an update in another post that no one would have ever expected.
“I didn’t think I would be posting here again and thought my last post would be my last. But here we are. My MIL has been arrested.”
“My husband’s cousin found my post and knew it was me, and she reported it straight to my MIL. Yeah, we know it was you who told her, Christina. Margaret told us all about it when she came over, screaming that we couldn’t keep HER daughters away from her. She didn’t even hesitate to drop your name and throw you under the bus. So much for loyalty, huh?”
“You are not welcome in our home anymore, and you are officially removed from Sam’s birthday list and our lives! How about you show the whole family this post so they can see how two-faced you are!”
“To the Reddit community, sorry about that. But my MIL has been arrested. She came to our house, screaming that we couldn’t keep her daughters from her. HER daughters.”
“My husband tried to calm her down and get her to leave. She wouldn’t go and attacked him. My husband had to restrain her and I called the police.”
“She fought them but it got her nowhere except the back of their car. The woman is truly insane.”
“My husband talked to the police because I had to calm down my daughters because they witnessed the whole thing. My 6-year-old was hysterical about Granny being taken away. This is all just a big mess.”
Then there was no question in any Redditors’ minds about the Mother-in-Law’s mental state.
“‘My daughters’?!”
“What the actual f**k? That woman needs to be committed.”
“Also, f**k you, Christina.” – WileEPyote
“Grandma Margaret (that was my crazy Grandma’s name, too) needs a restraining order that lasts a lifetime. There’s no coming back from this.” – winchesterb***h99
“I feel so bad for OP’s husband, like how incredibly upsetting.”
“He has to deal with the fact his mother was disappointed that he was a boy and hated having a son. That he was unwanted. Then on top of that, the bats**t crazy way she’s acting now with HIS daughters and having to protect his wife and kids from grandma, and getting attacked by her in the process.”
“I hope he gets individualized therapy, too.” – bambiitarot
“There is the potential to unpack SO godd**n much here. The husband was the only child, the MIL wanted Husband and kids to move in with her, and the MIL wanted daughters… I shudder to think with whom at this point (but I think we can all take an educated guess).” – itfeelslikethefirstttt
“Get a restraining order. It should be easier to get one since she attacked your husband and was arrested.”
“I would also get cameras set up and a security system if you can. She’s become unhinged and she will be back again. She’s even referring to your daughters as hers.”
“You should also contact the school if you haven’t already to make sure they know she is not allowed to see or take your kids anywhere.” – Disastrous-Panda-5530
“I never expected any of this to happen when I read the initial post a while back. This is crazy.” – musiclovermina
Not only was the subReddit upset about what the mother-in-law initially said about the OP while she was in the hospital, but they were alarmed by how the story unfolded and were concerned for the family’s safety, especially since the family had revealed alliances to the OP’s mother-in-law.
It sounded like the OP and her husband needed to take a series of precautions to make sure to keep their daughters at a safe distance from their grandmother. Even moving might not be the worst choice.