The family people marry into can be a huge blessing, but it takes one person-in-law to ruin things.
Our Redditor recently experienced a clash with their brother-in-law (BIL) during a special traditional occasion.
When what could have been a memorable dinner didn’t turn out as smoothly as expected, they dealt with it in a way that led to regret.
Redditor Choice-Soup-5616 sought feedback on the Am I the A**hole (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for serving ‘Indian food’ even though my brother-in-law asked me not to?”
The OP explained:
“First things first, I’m not Indian. I was born in Bangladesh and moved to America with my family when I was in primary school. I’ve been with my wife for awhile, and I get along with her family relatively well, except for her brother.”
“Overall, I’d say her little brother is extremely spoiled and entitled. He’s 20 years old and I swear he just has no ability to understand other people. My wife is White.”
“It’s Ramadan, and my parents invited my wife and her family over for Iftar, which is when we break our fast, and then dinner afterwards. This is done strictly at sundown, which was around 7:30.”
“Although I’m not very religious, I do fast, and my wife usually fasts with me. I told her family the details of everything, including that food would be served exactly at sundown, and that there would be two meals, one at sundown, and then another one about an hour later, which is the proper dinner.”
“Leading up to it, my BIL texted in the family group chat (which includes me) and asked me ‘not to make Indian food’. I responded with, ‘That shouldn’t be a problem, I won’t be cooking Indian food.'”
“The way I see it, this was a true statement in every way. Indian food would not be served, and I would not be making it, since my mom would be the one cooking Bengali food. And I also just thought it was weird to go to someone’s house for dinner and demand they not cook their traditional food, but that’s besides the point.”
“On the day of, everyone comes by around 6. We have iftar a little after 7:30, as planned, although BIL didn’t really make that smooth either, since he was complaining about how hungry he was and why we were eating so late. He seemed fine with the iftar foods, which were some fried foods and haleem, which is almost like a meat and lentil stew.”
“Then for dinner, we had biryani and a few different types of curry, and that’s where the issues started. He again complained that he doesn’t like ‘Indian food’ and asked if he could have more of the stuff from earlier.”
“Problem is, that was all finished, so he asked my mom if she could just make more. I wasn’t going to let her do that after fasting and cooking all day, so I said no. He got annoyed and basically sulked for the rest of the night, and then later texted in the group chat that I lied.”
“His parents agreed that I didn’t lie, but that I ‘knew what he meant’ and should’ve asked my parents to be ‘more accommodating to their guests’. I fired back that they’ve never even bothered to get halal meat when inviting my parents over, and last time all they could eat was bread and mashed potatoes.”
“This happened over a week ago. My parents invited them over for Eid, which is tomorrow, and he said no, and then blamed me for ‘tricking’ him last time. My wife doesn’t like her brother very much, so she’s on my side for the most part, but thinks I was harsh with her parents who don’t know much better.”
“Her parents don’t want to come if their son doesn’t, and he is demanding an apology before he agrees to come.”
“AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA. It is extremely rude to go to someone’s home and complain about the food that is served, and if he had that much of a problem with it, he could have brought his own food. I have a hard time telling if BIL is super racist, or if he is just a little racist but a total spoiled brat.” – nom-d-pixel
“I’d like to believe it’s the second one. My wife always says that the two of them have basically never been told no. Their family is really rich, and she always says that they’ve had everything handed to them.” – OP
“I’m sorry, but this is clearly some mixture of classism and racism, especially to expect your mom to go back in to cook food after Ramadan when she’s been fasting.
“Add to that the part where they’ve never made an effort for your family, and it seems to me like this is clearly not just spoilt behavior. If they’re such good hosts and so well off and spoilt, they would know to have either vegetarian or halal dishes. The fact that they equate all South Asian food with Indian food is equally upsetting, speaking as an Indian person.”
“To then demand an apology is absolutely insane.” – KanishkT123
“Same, also as a white person who would be really flattered to be invited to participate in this religious/cultural event and would not dream of demanding that it somehow be changed to ‘accommodate’ my own background/tastes.”
“Like, the whole point of going is to observe and participate in something new, not to just eat nugs and ranch at someone else’s house.” – JeepersCreepers74
“I’m a white person with bad stomach issues, but I would never say or do this at the in-laws’ home. I would either eat before or tell them I’m sorry I’m not able to eat Asian food due to allergies and my stomach.”
“I would try to politely not go or explain beforehand. And not eating ‘Indian food’ he’s entitled and if your wife thinks you were rude to her parents, how rude are her parents not having food they like or eat when going to their house.” – AwarenessPractical14
“The most offensive part of this is that OP is NOT Indian and his BIL specifically asked him not to make Indian food. So…does he think OP is Indian? Would he ever make that request going to a white person’s house for dinner?”
“And even if his ignorance could be forgiven, or if OP really was Indian, who the hell requests that someone not cook their cultural cuisine when hosting? Would he ever find it appropriate to ask a white friend not to cook…I don’t know, meatloaf and mashed potatoes?” – temperance26684
“I find it incredibly insulting. There’s a definite difference between South Indian, North Indian, everything in between, Pakistani, and Bangladeshi, and Sri Lankan food. It’s all different. And it’s all yummy.”
“Some just require me to have a little plain yogurt or sour cream around 😂. The one thing they all have in common is the chances of me ending up with something non-halal in that cuisine environment is pretty slim.”
“I’m glad OP shut down any talk of his mum making more food. I’m the only Muslim in my family, and because of serious health issues I cannot fast. But I’ve been at friends’ helping them prepare Iftar dinner and it’s a lot of work.”
“To then try and demand the hostess go and make more food because you just ‘don’t like’ what’s being served is rude and infuriating. Honestly, I’d not have invited him back for Eid. I’d have to seriously think about inviting OP’s parents in law either.” – canbritam
“His parents created a monster in him. And apparently, they have no manners either. Unless you have a serious food allergy, you eat what’s put in front of you. You don’t demand that someone else cook to your taste in their own house.”
“His parents better start teaching him the world doesn’t revolve around him, or the world will do it for them. This kind of entitlement leads to bad behavior – criminally bad in some cases. NTA.” – Aylauria
“It isn’t just spoiled behavior. He is spoilt. Think hard before having kids with your wife. Your kids deserve so much better. She should have stood up for you and your family, the food etc from step 1. How long have you been married?
“I am white and married into an Asian-American family. I can’t even imagine my brother or parents behaving this way. My husband wouldn’t have had to say anything because I would have set my parents and brother straight.”
“Think long and hard before having children with her. Internalized racism is awful (and that includes your wife, too), and your kids deserve way better. YOU deserve way better.”
“I am just shocked at your wife sitting there silent when her brother wanted her mother in law to cook more food he likes!!! This is unacceptable.” – bubblyH2OEmergency
Many of the passionate responses were in favor of the OP.
The comments reflected that the BIL’s demands indicated he was a spoiled and entitled individual who has a lot to learn when it comes to understanding other cultures.
Hopefully, he will grow from this conflict and understand that having an open mind can encourage enlightenment and appreciation of different cultures.