If an ex inherits something or gets death benefits based on an older will or insurance beneficiary designation, then their new partner might feel entitled to that money or property.
But the deceased chose to name their ex as a beneficiary after their split, then who can question that?
Well…
An ex who just got their share of a life insurance payout turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after their ex-husband’s family and his former affair partner complain.
Throwsnsawa asked:
“AITA for refusing to give up my life insurance payout and asking my ex’s family to refinance the car he left me?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So my ex passed away recently in a work-related accident. I don’t know the specifics. It’s sad, of course. I have a lot of mixed emotions about it.”
“But the truth is, we hadn’t been together in over a year when it happened. We were together for five years, and we broke up because he cheated on me and got someone else pregnant.”
“That breakup wrecked me. It took me a long time to recover. I haven’t seen him since.”
“After the breakup, I went no contact. I’ve spent the past year healing, learning to be happy again, and moving on.”
“I didn’t go to the funeral. I didn’t want to see the baby mama or his family. And while I’m not happy he’s gone, I can’t say I’m devastated anymore either. I grieved this person when I left the relationship.”
“Now here’s where things get complicated.”
“Six months after our breakup, and after the baby was born, he took out a life insurance policy. In it, he named me as the 50% beneficiary. His mom and the baby mama each got 25%.”
“I didn’t know this until the insurance company called me. I assumed it was some paperwork leftover from when we were together.”
“But nope, this was a new policy, dated well after the breakup. That means this was his decision.”
“At the same time, there’s a car. He financed it while we were still together, but it’s under my name and credit. My credit was better than his, so we financed it under my name and credit.”
“I begged him for over a year to refinance it, to the point the only reason I ever contacted him was for the refinancing of that car.”
“He never refinanced that car, I doubt he was ever going to. Now that he’s gone, it’s still tied to me. The car is sitting in my garage, and his family has reached out saying the baby mama needs it for work.”
“I told them, fine. You can have it as soon as it’s refinanced and no longer on my credit. I will GLADLY sign whatever paper they need. But I am not going to risk my credit on people I don’t trust to make payments.”
“It’s $23,800 to pay it off, that’s like the entire settlement they got for them. I don’t know why it’s so hard to refinance the car. I don’t want this car either and I feel bad about selling it.”
“And now they’re demanding that I give up the life insurance payout too. That I should ‘do the right thing’ and give it to his mom or the baby mama.”
“But here’s the thing, I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t ask to be put on that policy. He made that choice, after everything that happened between us.”
“Honestly?”
“I feel like I earned that money. I spent five years with that man. Five years dealing with the stress, the gaslighting, the emotional pain, the betrayal.”
“I loved him deeply, and I lost so much trying to make that relationship work. I stayed with him until I found out his baby mama was pregnant, because he was actively hiding it from me at that time.”
“I was with him through the worst parts of his life. If anything, this money feels like the only thing I ever got back from all the bullsh*t.”
“He chose to leave it to me. Probably because deep down, he knew how badly he treated me.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“The action I want to be judged for is refusing to give my ex’s family the car unless they refinance it off my credit, and refusing to give them my share of his life insurance payout.”
“They say I’m selfish, ungrateful, and heartless for not just handing it all over: the car, the money. Especially since I didn’t even go to the funeral.”
“But he left me that money after we broke up. He made that decision on his own.”
“I feel like I earned it, I put up with his cheating, his mess, and five years of emotional damage. Now they want to act like I was nothing.”
“I don’t know, am I being crazy? Am I really being super selfish here? I can’t tell anymore.”
“Part of me feels guilty, but the other part is like… no, I survived that man. I’m just tired of feeling like I owe people something when I’ve already paid enough.”
“I also want to say, I don’t want more money in any way. I’m okay with this insurance money and they can track down what they want from his employer or the government. I’m done with him.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. It’s your money and your car. I’d block all of them and move on.” ~ Business-Garbage-370
“If it would make OP feel better, she could send a message stating they have 30 days to refinance and transfer over the title. When the 30 days are up, the car will be sold.”
“As for the life insurance payout, absolutely 100% OPs.” ~ curmevexas
“This. And absolutely NTA. I’d just sell the car, but if you really have guilt about that piece, then give them the 30 days to figure it out or you’re selling it and they can figure out how to get baby mama a car.”
“They’re only hung up on the car because they’re trying to get anything out of you they possibly can. But legally you owe them nothing.”
“OP, NONE of this is your fault, responsibility, or problem. Given the timeline of his actions with the policy, it’s clear he did that intentionally. The car is just an annoyance. You can be free of all the guilt you feel and continue to focus on moving on.” ~ ElsieReboot
“Sell it. It won’t stop when you give it over to them after refinancing. They will come after your money when the car needs repairs because baby mama doesn’t have as much as you, etc…”
“They are crazy for asking anything of you. They know who their son was and it’s just another slap in the face. They might not think you deserved the $, but HE DID.” ~ Conscious-Regular-
“They won’t try to refinance it because they think you need to pay for it. But be prepared for the howler monkeys to come after you for the proceeds of the sale. Block these people and live your life free from their toxicity.” ~ Johnlc29
“At this point it is your car. Hell, before he died, it was your car—your name was on the damn thing! Sell it. Don’t feel bad.”
“These people don’t give a f*ck about you. It’s just wasteful keeping it when it could be getting used by someone who is looking for a car.”
“Don’t even bother having them take it, it just keeps them in your life longer. Sell the car and block all of them.” ~ imamage_fightme
“Use the insurance money to pay off the car then sell it and be done with it. Block them.”
“Your ex knew what he was doing when he made that policy after you split up. I bet he did it because of the car and to make amends for the cheating. Use that money to finally cut ties and move on.” ~ Environmental_Art591
“Yep, if the policy was made when you were together I’d say you should consider giving some of it to the family, but it was made after the break up. This is what he wanted just before he died and not some clerical forgetfulness. NTA.” ~ Stubborn_Amoeba
“Sell the car—it’ll be a 2 ton weight off your neck. And keep the money, he obviously wanted you to have it. And my guess is the reason he didn’t refinance the car was because he knew it was a reason you would keep contacting him. Then block his whole family. NTA.” ~ Roadgoddess
“Yes, seriously, this was done, after your breakup and after the baby was born. They are trying to guilt you for something HE DID. He chose the percentages.”
“They should be happy that they were even in the insurance. In this case, I would tell you, to follow the will/insurance as it’s stated.”
“If they have a problem, they have to learn to deal with it. The other woman needs to get her rear in line and do whatever necessary to refinance the car, ASAP. The ex’s mother needs to keep quiet.” ~ Autumsraine
The OP’s ex decided who he wanted to receive a payout from his life insurance.
The OP is just honoring his wishes.