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New Mom Accuses Husband Of ‘Abandoning’ Her By Not Going With Her Into C-Section Surgery

Mother with newborn
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Redditor TAccountAita recently had a baby with his new wife, but instead of it being a joyous occasion it turned sour.

The Original Poster (OP) wasn’t comfortable being in the room for a c-section, and now his wife is upset about it.

This led the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

He asked:

“AITA for not staying with my wife during her c-section even after she asked?”

He went on to explain.

“I don’t like the operating room and, at some point of my life, hospital.”

“When my ex-wife had her c-section, she had a complication and hovered between life and death for a long time. It was a horrible experience to feel so helpless.”

“Currently, I deal with this in therapy, several things have improved, but going into an operating room is a big no-no for me.”

“When my ex had our second child, I was very nervous and she asked me to wait outside the operating room.”

“When my current wife and I decided to try to have children, I made it very clear that I didn’t care what her choice of delivery was, but c-section I would not enter, but that I would stay by her side at all times except for operation.”

“She agreed and eventually became pregnant.”

“She decided in the middle of the pregnancy that it would be a c-section and I said that was fine, but I remembered my limitation. She understood and invited her mother to take my place.”

“On the day of the surgery, before she had an c-section, she asked me to come in with her, because she wanted a moment of our own.”

“I apologized, but that this was my limit and that I couldn’t. She said “Fine, I’ll go with my mother then” and had a crying face.”

“I tried talking to her but to no avail and my MIL kept looking at me disgusting.”

“Anyway, I don’t think it would have been a [help], because I was very nervous and it definitely wouldn’t have helped at all inside the operating room.”

“Everything went well and our daughter was born beautiful and healthy. I was already at the exit of the operating room waiting for them and I didn’t leave their side.”

“Later, when we were alone, my wife said that I abandoned her at a vulnerable time and left her alone when she needed me most.”

“I tried talking to her, but she said that now we need to focus on our daughter, but that she was disappointed in me as a partner.”

“Apparently my MIL told family members what I did and I’m being criticized.”

“My wife and I have only talked about the baby and this has been going on for a week now.”


“Extra: In the case of my ex, it was a c-section in parts mandatory (the first no, the second yes) and my wife’s elective. Yes, in my country, c-section can be a choice, as long as the pregnant woman is aware of the risks.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

    • NTA – Not The A**hole
    • YTA – You’re The A**hole
    • NAH – No A**holes Here
    • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“Doctors don’t want anyone in the room who is NOT helpful.”

“Nervous, anxious, angry, confrontational, whatever will distract them, influence the patient, take up unproductive physical space, and time.”

“My hubby had a heart attack in the hospital in front of me, and I knew they’d kick me out if I freaked out.”

“I closed off my feelings and stayed with him, helping him breathe and trying to keep the mood light. He needed strong support, not to BE the supporter.”

“I waited until they took him to the Medivac to break down and bawl. If I’d stayed in the room and done that they probably wouldn’t have even been able to hear each other.”

“YOU HELPED in the best way you could! If helping is only getting out of the way, then do it!!”

“Your wife had someone who could BE helpful. And YOU helped arrange that ahead of time! Kudos to you! DEFINITELY NTA” – TrashMouthDiver

“NTA. I work Labor and delivery.”

“1. Traumatic births are VERY traumatic. The sights, sounds, and smells of our OR will trigger any PTSD in a jiffy.”

“2. We ABSOLUTELY don’t need a 3rd patient in that OR (or 4th if you are having twins).”

“I’m sorry this all happened.” – ECU_BSN

“NAH- You seem to understand your limits, and you explained your limits to your wife before she became pregnant.”

“Your wife did not understand how she would feel at the moment about your limits as she had not been pregnant before. That’s not your fault or hers.”

“Pregnancy and delivery is a way more complicated process emotionally and physically than people who haven’t experienced it give it credit for.”

“When the actual time came she was probably scared and excited and wanted you to be there with her. She felt let down and disappointed that you couldn’t do that for her due to your past trauma.”

“That being said, you missed it. There is no going back and changing the past. You also don’t get to dictate how you’re wife feels about that.”

“Maybe some couples counseling would help after things settle down with the new baby.”

“But just like she shouldn’t belittle the trauma of your ex almost dying in front of you during delivery, you shouldn’t belittle hers.”

“She put her life on the line to bring your child into this world while you safely sat in the waiting room. She gets to feel about that however she wants.” – lilylady

“To everyone who thinks he shouldve been there, can you imagine if he’s unable to keep it together while the OR staff are literally operating on his wife?”

“Now not only do they have to deal with getting the mother and baby through it, they have to take care of the father as well? Imagine if there’s any complication during the C-section?”


“Edit- I do think it makes a little bit of difference what her expectations were. Did she want you to stay in the OR with her the whole time? Or just come in for a minute before they started?”

“I’m just imagining if she just wanted him there for a minute before they started, that’s a little bit more of a reasonable request from her.”

“Which he has every right to deny, but I can understand asking that. But if she wanted him in the OR while they’re operating, she’s TA.” – ny-malu

“I’m surprised by all the ambivalence in regard to responses! You have a diagnosed and clinically evaluated anxiety/stress/trauma disorder.”

“If anyone has every been witness to someone going into a panic or anxiety attack would attest that your response would have a major impact within any operating room—immediately shifting attention away from mother and baby to treat you.”

“I have complete empathy to what the woman is going through in regard to stress, physical, etc. however, this was clearly evaluated and communicated before.”

“When non-carrying parent(s) have anxiety attacks in the operating room it is a major burden to the hospital staff looking to treat the mother.”

“Why would anyone want any focus away from the needs of mother and child medically speaking?”

“This is really well known and I imagine any medical professions in this sub would support the decision of the father.” – Properclearance

“NTA. People are acting like OP is just a bit nervous when he’s in therapy and actively working on his trauma.”

“Saying he needs to “grow up” gives the same energy as telling a depressed person to ‘just no be sad anymore’.”

“OP made his limitations very clear at several points in their relationship and during the pregnancy. He was present during the birth, and he’s not an absent or unsupportive partner.”

“I don’t think the wife is TA, I get that in the moment she wanted him there, her feelings are valid. I do think her family is TA for harassing OP about this.” – LazyOpia

“NAH. But you have to understand that her feeling of you abandoning her when she needed the most is just as real (if not more real) as your trauma.”

“Childbirth is scary. She was feeling just as helpless and scared as you were, but this was actually about her body, her life that was at risk and yours wasn’t.”

“And you weren’t there for her. Of course, that leaves its mark in trusting you and affects your relationship.”

“Stop talking like your feelings matter more than hers.” – Regent-Lettuce

“NTA You going panic or faint in the operating room only adding more dead weight on medical team already dealing with the immediate emergency of getting baby out of mom and keeping them both alive.”

“Also you already have a talk on why it’s not a good idea to be in there.”

“All the man-up comments here are just fragile weaklings who can’t even prioritize mom and child safety. If you going to be useless, at least not being a potential problem” – BlackBrantScare

We hope these parents can resolve this tension soon.

Congratulations on the new baby, OP!

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)