Finding the perfect job is more than just about the pay. You want to have a good quality of life.
And if you do make a lot of money you should have enough free time to enjoy it.
But Redditor Baker1842 encountered an issue with her husband. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for choosing a lower paying job without consulting my husband first?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (f28) recently left the job I’d had for the past 2 years. I applied for a few jobs and got offered 2, one with a lower salary.”
“The job with a lower salary was my dream job while the other wasn’t. I told my husband Sean (m28) about the dream job and he was excited for me, but we didn’t go into too much detail but at this time he knew about the other job offer but told me to take the interview and ‘see how it goes.'”
“Interview went well and I accepted the job.”
“I’m filling out relevant paperwork when Sean asks how its going and looks through the paperwork I’d already signed. He asked if this is how much I’ll make and I said yes, before he brings up how much more the other job offered.”
“He said that his work pays more than this and questions why I’d accept this offer when the other offered more.”
“I told him I like the environment, it was my dream job, great benefits, and slightly better hours. He told me that we don’t always get to pick jobs just because we like them, and that it was ‘not smart’ to pick a job with less pay for that reason.”
OP’s husband didn’t see it that way.
“He told me that I should’ve talked to him first and that this was a decision that impacted both of us and I was putting my wants over our needs.”
“I told him that I told him about the interview but he told me that that was a cop out. He didn’t believe I’d choose a job that pays less but didn’t want me to regret not exploring the opportunity so that I didn’t have any ‘what ifs?'”
“He also brought up our student loans (both lawyers) and how he was actively working towards paying off his while I wasn’t taking the initiative to pay off mine.
“AITA for making this decision without my husband?”
“Previous salary: $80,000”
“First job offer salary was $73,000”
“Second job offer salary: $220,000”
OP added some edits.
“Edit to clarify why I feel conflicted and feel the need to even ask.”
“My husband wouldn’t of been upset if I accepted job 2 without his input, hence why it was only due to the low paying job. I misunderstood his excited about the interview as permission but did tell him that it would move quickly.”
“I’m fortunate to of had my parents pay off a large portion of my student loans which are not a burden to my husband due to prenup.”
“I am paying off my student loans, my husband thinks I’m not taking the initiative. I was fortunate to have help from my parents who also payed $50,000 towards his student loans as a wedding present. I have been making payments since I graduated.”
“We pay 50/50 for all expenses and have a prenup so no, he isn’t being riddled with my supposed debt.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed everyone sucked in this situation.
“ESH. I think there is a little bit of blame to go to both of you. The difference in salary between those positions is huge.”
“And I think that for something like this, you and your husband should have talked about the decision together before you chose the lower salary.”
“That $220k offer — probably an associate position in BigLaw or a counsel or of counsel position in a boutique firm — would have come with a crapton of stress and weekly prayers at the altar of the Almighty Billable. But it would have been a shit ton of money that could have helped you both as a family.”
“When you are in a family, your financial decisions affect the household and each other, so you do need to discuss them together. Maybe you would have weighed the factors together and concluded the higher salary was not worth the pain.”
“Maybe you could have resolved for you to hold that job just long enough for you to get on a good financial footing, then leave it for something more fulfilling.”
“I don’t know. But you should have made that decision together.”
“On the other hand, I don’t like your husband’s attitude. It would be one thing if he were looking at this as a mutual decision. Or if he looked at this through the lens of a pure financial decision that could benefit your overall household. But he’s not.”
“Instead of emphasizing that the two of you should be a team, he is lecturing you about your decision-making process. That really, really does not sit right with me, and it sounds like he is trying to infantilize you.” ~ ForgottenTroll
Others shared their opinions.
“I have a friend that took a 50% pay cut when going from big law to in house. She said it was more than worth it. She had money, but no time to spend it. Still, she did stick it out for a couple years and was able to make a hefty down payment on a nice house.” ~ RevolutionaryRanger0
“This sort of makes sense. I am looking at it from the POV of finances. If you have a large mortgage and a bunch of student debt, then that $200k salary is really tempting. If you have paid down the mortgage and the student debt, you can say sayonara to the $200k.” ~ ForgottenTroll
“Yeah I’m struggling with this one. Maybe a NAH, with a note that they need to work on communication.”
“Honestly, it sounds like OP is coming from money with parents that are making her pay her way (which is good), but they have a big cushion if they need help. A prenup is probably to protect inherited assets.”
“I get that husband is seeing $$$$$$. But OP probably had a sense of what she does and doesn’t want to do.”
“Personally, I plan on a pay cut next job for less stress. So I totally get where OP is coming from, but they should talk about their feelings.”
“But making OP work in hell (esp when they don’t have kids to support) for extra money isn’t a fair trade off. And it would create other pressure in the marriage. It also sounds like the income gap would be huge, and based on his reaction here not sure if hubby could handle that.” ~ msharek
They need to sit down and talk about it.