There’s a difference between respecting other people’s opinions, and letting others disrespect you.
Women are worth more than their appearance and their age.
A Redditor encountered this very issue with her brother in law. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for snapping at my BIL after he told me to ‘settle down’ while I’m ‘young and fresh?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (22F) am currently spending a week (well was) with my sister (25F) and her husband (39M).”
“I dislike him because he’s a snobby dbag who looks down on people. However my entire family likes to ignore that because he’s got money.”
“For the record, he’s been disrespectful to me in the past but I’ve always kept quiet since he’s basically revered in my family.”
“Anyway, I was hanging out by the pool when he came and started talking to me. It was fine until he asked if I’m in a relationship and I said no.”
OP’s brother in law kept being incredibly disrespectful.
“Then he said that I should seriously consider marriage and ‘settle down’ while I’m in my ‘prime.'”
“I was already shocked but he continued to say that women have the most value when they’re young and that I should date older men who can provide for me. He literally pointed at my body and said that it will ‘all go downhill’ in 5-6 years so I should find someone of high status while I’m ‘young and fresh.'”
“So, at this point I was furious.”
“I said that he needs to mind his own business and that I’d never consider dating, let alone marrying an older man. I told him that he makes old man noises when he gets up from a chair and should worry about not seriously hurting his back soon.”
“And I said that I never liked him anyway so he should stop bothering me.”
OP’s sister was upset.
“Of course my sister came just in time to hear all of that. She was pissed and yelled at me to apologize immediately.”
“I explained what he just said to me and she completely disregarded it and still forced me to apologize. Her husband – who btw was laughing his ass off – even told her to calm down.”
“However she told me to leave and think about what I said to him. I did leave – I packed my stuff and left the house entirely.”
“My sis told my family and now they’re all mad at me. Everyone is telling me to apologize to keep the peace.”
“They said that I was rude and should be ashamed of myself. They said that I should know that my BIL has a strong personality and that I should learn to accept his views.”
Even OP’s mom was on his side.
“My mother especially has been acting very manipulative and pressuring me to say sorry and do something nice for both of them.”
“My sis gave me this long speech on how I disrespected her marriage and home and that she’s more mature blah blah. She said that she cannot trust me to behave around her husband and that I need to take the first step by saying sorry.”
“She keeps ranting that I disrespected her in her house while she was nothing but nice and welcoming.”
“So am I the a**hole here?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was the a**hole.
“NTA – let your sister know that she’s got 3-4 more years before her looks go downhill according to BIL’s logic.” ~ JeanGaryDiablo89
“Oooomg thank you for saying that!! Like sister is totally cool with her hubby basically saying she’s going to be an out of date model and not in her prime in a couple years lol” ~ AdventurousChicken82
“And swap her in for one that is in her prime? Sounds like a wonderful thing to look forward to in a marriage, no?” ~ KeepLkngForIntllgnce
Many were confused as to why OP’s family didn’t agree with OP.
“Anyone saying that to me would have ended up in the pool. NTA and never apologize.”
“The whole family are AH, except OP, for all kowtowing to him because of his wealth. OP’s sister is a gold-digger who will soon the traded for a new trophy wife and the whole family will then turn say what a terrible bloke he was, while OP is far too classy to say I told you so.” ~ Far_Administration41
“The level of gross is off the charts to be honest. Some old ass (relative to her age) guy who is married to her sister is commenting on her sexual worth!! And the whole family is fine with it? Damn that is nasty.” ~ WoodsColt
“Sister is totally going to be traded in for a younger model. THAT is why she wants OP to apologize. Why does he get to be who he is but you don’t? Good for you for standing up for yourself. NTA. Don’t apologize. He was crude and deserved your response.” ~ BoogieRubyBubby1
“Her sister married an ageist, misogynistic fuck who seems to think women are empty shells with an expiry date so they had better put themselves on the meat market before they spoil. NTA OP!!!! I think you were nicer than I would have been.” ~ South_Dinner3555
“Agreed. She’s NTA. I think she needs to go no contact with her entire family. Anyone who would be perfectly fine with some pretentious, clearly lecherous creep saying those things to their sister/daughter no longer deserves any respect and is no longer entitled to a relationship.” ~ TheCrankyRunner
“Maybe BIL was thinking about trading the sister in for a younger model.”
“But BIL was gross af and sister probably felt ‘attacked’ not her marriage but his views basically are why she is married to him. He wanted a very young lady to be the center of the universe for and that’s why he’s 39 and she’s 25.” ~ legal_bagel
“Love this. Wonder how the sister feels when dear hubby dumps her for a younger chick because she is now ‘past her prime.’ He sounds like a nightmare.” ~ Janetaz18
That guy is not only creepy, but incredibly sexist.