It's pretty safe to say that flying isn't most people's favorite pastime.
And two of the reasons for that are the seating arrangements and close quarters with people we probably don't know.
That was certainly the case recently on the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor scrapped85 was pressured in yet another case of fellow passengers wanting to switch seats.
When he was ridiculed for his response, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was wrong.
He asked the sub:
"AITA (for) refusing to change seats with newlyweds who wanted to be seated together?"
The OP was recently seated next to a newly married couple.
"I booked a window seat, and beside me was a lady who is the wife of the guy on the seat in the middle row."
"Apparently they are newlyweds and they want to be seated together."
"They asked me if they can change seats with me, to which I politely refused and gave them my reasons."
"One of the reasons was my size and aisle traffic. I always get bumped by someone when I am on the aisle seat."
"One time, my elbow was badly hurt because the trolley hit me. I avoided the aisle seat ever since."
"Also, being the second and the longest of the 3 flights I was taking that day, I wanted to sleep and relax."
The OP received pressure from multiple people on the flight.
"The other guy, who was seated with the husband, tried to persuade me to change seats too, making a scene as if I was the scrooge in the couple's honeymoon."
"I didn't budge and all the people around me, including the crew, looked like they hate me."
But the OP was not convinced he was wrong.
"Am I wrong to refuse to change my seat?"
"Imo (in my opinion), if it is your honeymoon, I would assume that you made your reservations in advance. Why the h**l didn't you book seats where you will be seated together in advance instead of bothering other passengers? Should other passengers adjust because it is your honeymoon?"
"When I had my honeymoon, I prebooked my seats and never bothered anyone."
"So what do you think? AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP absolutely was not obligated to move.
"NTA. Every time this story comes up the person is not the asshole for refusing to move. You booked your seat specifically. Sucks to be them but not your problem."
"Also seriously, aisle seat guy? Now why couldn't he move?" - Jumpyropes
"This, if you want specific seats on a flight then book the seats in advance or tough luck, you don't get to bully people out of the seats that you want but didn't book. NTA." - danigirl3694
"NTA!"
"This s**t happened to me on a domestic flight in the US (it has never happened to me on any other flight in any other country)."
"The guy who took my seat, was already in my seat when I was boarding. I also paid extra for that specific seat. I was too tired to argue so I let him have it. Thinking back, I should've made him pay for it."
"The fact that they think that 'newlywed' is a valid excuse just shows how entitled people can be."
"If they cared so much about being seated together, they should've taken the effort to book it."
"You're not responsible for their s**tty planning." - Ok-bad-14
"On some of those airlines you pay EXTRA to book the exact seat, so why should OP be outta money?? Every time I flew into Vegas to see family, I paid extra for priority boarding and assigned seating so I didn't have to fight for whatever seat is available where ever." - Homicidal__Goldfish
"No one is an asshole for refusing to move when there are assigned seating. Even when it's like a cattle run where you pick your seat when you get there, if you're not early enough, you get what you get." - legal_bagel
"They're never TA for asking, but they hit TA status when they can't accept a no and don't offer any actual reason besides their desire mattering more." - HiHoJufro
"You typically have to pay additional to book your seat in advance these days too—so anyone asking you to essentially pay extra for their seat (which is what they are doing) is the jerk."
"You only ask to make that trade if the seat you're giving up is better for the person willing to make the trade and they have the option the way no." - Imgray21
"NTA."
"I'm not convinced that a secure relationship could be jeopardized by not getting to sit next to each other on a single flight."
"I'm also not convinced that the two who managed to organize a whole wedding couldn't manage the relatively tiny task of selecting their own seats in advance."
"What absolute nonsense." - Here_for_tea_
Others shared stories of times when they didn't move, either.
"NTA. I always get aisle seats because of flying anxiety and had a mom/daughter ask me to trade seats so they could sit together which would have put me in a center seat."
"They were so p**sed when I politely explained why I wouldn't move. I don't get why people can't reserve the seats they want - is it they are cheaping out and relying on other people to switch with them?" - Jacksmissingspleen
"WTF? I like the aisle seat because I 1) need to pee a lot sometimes 2) am a bit claustrophic, and 3) have a shoulder injury and if I'm stuck next to a big person (I am short and narrow), they push into my space, and at least in the aisle, I can lean out to take pressure off my shoulder."
"I've been asked by a mum/baby and couples to move before and I just say, 'Sorry, no, I need an aisle seat for medical reasons'. I still get looks but they can't get too uppity about that."
"Maybe try that next time, not that you should need to."
"NTA" - InsatiableQuilt
"I've seen flight attendants step in on the behalf of people trying to switch and just ask the plane if anyone is interested in switching. I've seen some people volunteer to do so when that's happened."
"Baseline: Someone else's lack of planning does not create a problem for OP to solve. NTA." - Peri_Colosa1
It's always nice to help out, especially when there's a special occasion, but when you've planned ahead and paid extra, the subReddit agreed that no one would feel too inclined to give up their specific airline seat. Whether or not the couple planned ahead is one thing, but reacting negatively to the OP was another.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.