Being on dates is hard, things can be awkward, there’s a lot of pressure.
It’s why so many in the dating scene have emergency exit plans. When a date is uncomfortable, people want the option to leave.
But does having that option change if it’s a double date? What if the thing making everyone uncomfortable is one person being belittled by their partner?
Reddit user “aitaforleavinga” ended up leaving an incredibly uncomfortable double date, but isn’t sure if it was the best move.
“Am I the a**hole for walking out during a double date because the other couple was making me uncomfortable?”
Before we get too into the story, we should explain the AITA (“Am I The A**hole?) subReddit.
It’s a place people go to ask about those situations in life that end up a moral grey area, like the one you’re about to read.
People post their situations, explaining relevant details along the way. Other users respond to the original poster (“OP”) in the comments, sharing their thoughts and casting a vote on things.
Voting Options Are:
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Here are the dirty details of this disaster date.
“My husband (24M) and I (24F) haven’t been suffering from the pandemic too much, but we’ve missed our friends.”
“One couple, ‘May’ (22F) and ‘April’ (26F) seem to have been missing us too. May has constantly been texting me that they’re bored and miss us, so we decided to self-quarantine for two weeks on both sides to have a double date.”
“It was tense from the beginning. Apparently May had gotten bleach on April’s expensive dress, which she kept making passive-aggressive remarks about.”
“I thought it was a non-issue until April spilled her wine all over May’s dress, and when I went to help her clean it, she said April was trying to ‘get even.’ “
“Everything calmed down for a good hour until April started talking about their sex life and how May never puts out (so humiliating), and May flirtatiously says to my husband, ‘I bet *you* never have that problem.’ “
“I was in shock. April laughed it off before telling us what a ‘slut’ May is.”
“She kept insulting her even though my husband and I were telling her to stop, and eventually May just started crying.”
“It got too intense for me and I had to go outside. My husband followed me out and we just ended up driving off.”
“Last night, he told me how guilty he felt just leaving May there to be insulted instead of really doing anything about it, but we both felt like we needed to remove ourselves from the entire situation.”
“April has texted me since saying everything is fine and the quarantine has really been getting to them, but they worked it out.”
“I still feel guilty for leaving, and so does my husband. I honestly feel like I abandoned May and there’s a part of me that thinks I did it on purpose because of the way she hit on my husband, which makes me feel so petty and disgusting.”
“I tried to apologize but she won’t answer my calls or text me back. AITA?”
Reddit’s responses were pretty passionate.
“NTA. April was being absolutely insufferable, and you aren’t required to suffer through it if you don’t want to.”
“I will add: April texted you saying everything was fine, but she seems to have been the one who was crossing the line in some pretty major ways. I’d check in on May.”
“If this is how April treats May in the presence of other people, what kind of insane assery is going on behind closed doors? I’m concerned May could be the victim of abuse.”
“I could be wrong, but if I were you I’d at least want to check on it.” – Simple-Living-
“NTA, but re-reading it, it says May was the one constantly texting them to go out on a double date…maybe it was a cry for help. Ahhh” – shipofflowers
“I dunno, this is a YTA to me.”
“I can’t imagine walking out on someone I consider my friend while they are being insulted and humiliated repeatedly until they cry.”
“It’s so upsetting to me to watch them be insulted and cry I just . . . remove myself? Not try to make sure they are okay?”
“I, at the least, thinks that’s somewhat cowardly and unkind. Outside this sub I wouldn’t use the word ‘asshole’ as OP wasn’t cruel, just that OP either lacked the strength or the empathy to do anything so just abandoned their crying friend with the person making them cry.”
“I know I’m a relatively assertive person, but if I really felt I had to leave I would have invited May to come with us to take some space or something, then tired to talk to her alone.”
“Maybe you could tell May you aren’t going back in to spend time with April eventually, but at that point since she’s already quarantined for over a week for this I’d say she was welcome to come spend the night with us.”
“I’m especially disappointed in OP that they haven’t tried to talk to May or check on her since. Do they really see this person as their friend?”
“They left them being humiliated and tore down crying since it was hard to watch, then just accept from her abuser – from the person who OP witnessed verbally abusing them and destroying their stuff – that everything is fine? And don’t even ask May?”
“It just doesn’t sound like OP cares much, or if they do is doing the minimum to show it at all. May probably thinks they don’t care and she’s alone since she was bailed on and they never even tried to talk to her about it later.” – TheHatOnTheCat
“NTA: first, if you are uncomfortable, it is understandable for you to leave.”
“Second, April and May’s relationship isn’t yours to meddle in. If May didn’t want to be treated like that, they would leave.”
“You didn’t ‘leave her to be insulted.’ Your presence didn’t stop the insults despite multiple requests, so it didn’t matter anyway.”
“Leaving sent a clear message that you were uncomfortable and that the behavior was unacceptable.” – dnjprod
“ESH. And I’m shocked to see all the NTA responses.”
“You did leave May while she was being insulted, and it sounds like you and your husband didn’t have the courage to say you were leaving.”
“You just left? That seems pretty immature regardless of the uncomfortable date.”
“Also, it took me a second to realize what you meant by hitting on your husband. If you mean that ‘I bet you don’t have that problem’ thing, I think you completely misunderstood May’s comment.”
“The way I interpreted it is that she doesn’t want to sleep with April because she’s intolerable, and she meant that he doesn’t have that problem because you two are healthy together.”
“I know this is a big assumption, but I’m guessing your husband treats you well and she sees that. Usually a healthy relationship and a good sex life go hand in hand. Their lack of sex together is pretty… telling.” – jxcegxhris
“I can’t blame you for being uncomfortable, but if April had been a guy I feel like you wouldn’t have just left.”
“She’s abusive to May, and you just left and didn’t do anything because she hit on your husband? What does that even mean?”
“She did it before or was it during the date? Do you mean her comment? I hope you don’t mean her comment cause no.”
“The fact that April has texted you to say everything’s fine, but May isn’t replying to your texts is also pretty worrying. Reach out more actively and make sure she’s fine.”
“NTA, but you’re borderline to being one for omission.” – SaturnFirefly
OP did actually read most of the comments, and the common theme of people being worried for May didn’t go unnoticed. OP updated they are going to physically meet up with their friend to check on her.