Becoming chummy with a co-worker can be a great thing. A few laughs and shared opinions can be exactly what you need to push through a long workday.
But what happens when your work buddy gets a little too comfortable with the relationship?
That’s exactly the trouble one Redditor encountered recently. She posted about the whole ordeal on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), known as gaelikitty on the site, named the sticking point in her title for the post.
“AITA for not letting my friend wear my engagement ring?”
First, OP provided some info about the ring in question.
“Okay, a little bit of backstory here.”
“My fiance and I have been engaged for about 3 weeks. He got me the most beautiful ring that is exactly what I have always wanted, and it fits me perfectly.”
“The ONLY time I take my ring off is to apply lotion to my hands (I work in the medical field, which means lots of handwashing, sanitizing, and cleaning, so my hands get SUPER dry)…”
“…and when I do that, I keep it directly in front of me on my desk and within sight at all times. I have never had any sort of issue until a couple days ago.”
Then OP introduced the work friend.
“I have a coworker with whom I am friendly. Let’s call her T. We used to be very close until I figured out that she and I lead very different lives, and I don’t necessarily jive with her morals.”
“Whatever, live and let live, I let a little bit of distance form between us.”
“But we are still friendly and still talk at the office, so naturally I told her that I was engaged and she asked to see my ring.”
“She oohed and ahhed at it like most other people in the office, and I didn’t think much about it.”
The co-worker’s ring ogling was just the beginning.
“But a couple of days ago, she approached my desk while I was putting lotion on my hands, with my ring laying directly in front of me as usual.”
“Without asking, she reached down and picked up my ring and slipped it onto her own finger instead, holding it up and admiring it, etc.”
“I was flabbergasted. I didn’t even know what to say, and I was so shocked that I just sat there in uncomfortable silence until she made a comment about how it looked so good on her and I commented ‘Don’t go getting any ideas!’, trying to be lighthearted but also wanting my ring back.”
“She eventually took it off and handed it back to me and left. I was super uncomfortable with the whole thing, but I put it off thinking I was being too sensitive.”
That is, she put it off until the co-worker stirred the pot.
“Today, I was walking past her desk and she asked to see my ring. I held out my hand for her to look at it, and she began to remove the ring from my finger, so I pulled my hand back.”
“She got pouty and asked why she couldn’t take it off and see it, since I had let her before.”
“I told her I had NOT let her do that before, she had grabbed it without permission and put it on without even asking if I minded.”
“She rolled her eyes at me and said I was being ridiculous. I feel like I am justified to be protective of a ring that represents my fiance’s love for me.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors agreed that OP was not the a**hole in this situation.
Several, like OP, were simply shocked by the co-worker’s behavior.
“Nope, nope, nope. NTA!!!!?”
“First, you don’t ask to try on someone else’s engagement ring.”
“Second, you absolutely do not try on someone else’s engagement ring without asking.”
“Third, who tf tries to REMOVE SOMEONE ELSE’S ENGAGEMENT RING FROM THEIR FINGER?!!!!” — gen_petra
“100% NTA. Engagement/wedding rings are special. Other people should not be grabbing it (ESPECIALLY OFF YOUR HAND) if you haven’t given your EXPRESS permission. That woman is crazy.” — Rine503
“NTA. That’s crazy. I wouldn’t even do that to my closest friends never mind just a co-worker. Sounds like she has an issue with boundaries. It’s probably best if you create even more distance.” — Chubbybrownbear
Some thought further escalation was even possible.
“NTA, your ‘friend’ may steal your ring. Keep your eyes open.” — Endaunofa
“NTA. There are so many red flags here..”
“I would probably stop taking my ring off around her if I were you. She’s just so confident in taking it and putting it on without permission. That’s concerning..” — TheLoudCanadianGirl
“NTA. Isn’t this one of the first things we learn in kindergarten? If it’s not yours don’t touch it?”
“I can see why you cooled your friendship with her. I can also see her amping up to steal your ring, I can feel the danged vibes all the way up in Alaska.” — canvasshoes2
A handful, though, pushed back on OP’s reaction.
“ESH. She should never have put it on without asking and you are being far too emotional over a small issue. What matters is your love with your fiancé.” — sequinhappe
“ESH you are being overly sensitive and your coworker should have asked permission. You come across a bit holier than thou also, tone it down a bit you are almost in a**hole territory” — AB-G
“ESH, her behavior crossed a line, but your tone is terribly superior and that last line made me gag. There’s definitely more to the backstory which makes me feel like you’re fishing to put this woman down.” — drumadarragh
“ESH I think you’re pretty dramatic. You sound fairly judgy and uptight tbh” — mrswordhold
And a few people came from a more logistical angle. Their conclusion would solve everything.
“I hate to say this but as a nurse, get a nice necklace and keep your ring on it when you work. Tucked in next to your heart.” — newmacgirl
“NTA, you should probably just not wear it while at work or wear it on a necklace while at work, especially if you work with patients. I used to work in the medical field and most where I worked didn’t wear rings with stones in them as it is unsanitary and they tear through gloves.”
“Your coworker is completely in the wrong and you need to be more assertive with her when she does something like this.” — 1976Raven
With a variety of takes from the Reddit peanut gallery, it’s difficult to predict exactly how OP will handle things going forward.