Having a dream career is something we all strive for, but not everyone can get. And, while we all want to support dreams sometimes we need to face reality and just get a job to pay the bills.
Redditor hellomello666 encountered an issue with his wife. So he turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
He asked:
"AITA for telling my wife to stop making my sister feel bad?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Me (30M) and my wife (30F) have been married for a year. My sister (22F) recently, got kicked out by my mom (58F) for not getting a real job."
"It's my sister's dream to become a content creator. She has recently reached 3k followers on Instagram. She makes vlogs about her daily life and posts them on Instagram. It doesn't generate a lot of money but I've been supportive towards her."
"After my mom kicked her out I let her move in with us since she had nowhere else to go."
"And this is why my wife has been mad at me."
"She keeps telling me to tell my sister to get a real job. It doesn't help that my wife hates pets and my sister owns two cats. She even tried to convince me to throw away her cats."
"My sister loves her cats more than anything. The cats also don't bother us anyway. My sister also helps us with the chores and other stuff around the house."
OP doesn't understand why his wife is so opposed to his sister.
"It's not like I am financially dependent on my wife either."
"I am financially stable and make more than her and pay 2/3 of the rent. I am the one paying for everything my sister needs. Our home is 3 bedroom/3 bathroom. So I don't understand what is the problem with my sister staying in one of the spare bedrooms."
"So yesterday, we were having dinner when my sister told me she just hit 3k followers. She seemed so happy. I congratulated her."
"She was then talking about how passionate she was to become an influencer."
"But then my wife interrupted her saying, 'It's nice to have passions. But passions don't pay the bills, honey. And let's get real here that silly little dream of yours will probably never work out.'"
"My sister was heartbroken and she went to her room crying. I went after her and told her my wife didn't mean anything she said, she was just stressed out."
"I told her I have faith in her that she will achieve her dreams one day. After she was alright I went to my wife and told her that was extremely mean she owes my sister an apology."
"But she called me a fool for supporting that silly little dream of her that will never work out. Now she's giving me the silent treatment and making me feel like an AH."
"So my question is AITA for this? Thanks."
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was the a**hole.
"YTA. You did this without talking to your wife and getting an agreement. It seems you don't care about your wife's feelings at all."
"Yeah you made all of these decisions without your wife." ~ pnutbuttercups56
"Plus his wife and mom are right. The sister has zero chance of success. The camping focused finsta I haven't touched since 2016 has 2.9k followers last I remember - if the sister is actually attempting to be a content creator and it's taken her this long to hit a pretty unremarkable number and she's ecstatic about it as if it's an actual career goal….she's beyond hopeless."
"Subsidizing her unrealistic 'dream' is letting her become lazy and entitled and ensuring she'll never actually gain the skills and knowledge to be able to support herself."
"So not only did he cut his wife out of the decision making process he made some piss poor decisions as well."
"ETA: took a look at the camping account I mentioned, it has 4.3k followers now. Without any posts since 2016. I'm sure they're mostly all bots but like if the sister is working full time on trying to make this a career and has achieved 3k only?"
"She's absolutely delusional to think she has a snowball's chance in hell of making a career out of this. And op is doing her a huge disservice by telling her she can and to follow her 'dream.' She's going to still be there in 10 years at this rate celebrating hitting the 7.5k mark and acting like success is just around the corner." ~ MountainBean3479
"The thing is it's not a silly little dream to be IG famous. It is a silly little dream to become IG famous on another person's dime while refusing to work a job."
"Having a job does not prevent her dream in any way shape or form so the silly little dream is her attempt to do it in this fashion in this ladies house! YTA!" ~ Sea_Seaworthiness906
Being an influencer is hard.
"Yeah, 3k followers is less than nothing when it comes to being a content creator. Wife may have worded things a little harshly, but she's absolutely right. You can work while pursuing your passions. If I were the wife and I had not only been cut out of the decision to have her there but my husband was also congratulating her on such a meaningless milestone, I probably would've been even harsher, TBH." ~ EducatedOwlAthena
"Pretty much this. How is she going to generate content without anything actually happening to her or being able to buy/pay for anything. 'Influencers' (god I hate that people aspire to that) need money to start and go places for pics. There's a reason most of them probably got funded by mummy and daddy to have that lifestyle."
"She's living rent free and has 2 cats. For that I'd be expecting her to do all the chores not some of them and be given some money on top of that."
"OP is YTA for being blind" ~ Mirgroht
"Like most influencers, I'm assuming she's making stuff up that looks more interesting than what her actual life is. It's all sets and poses and convenient angles to make you look more glamorous than you are. But in her case, she has an insignificant amount of followers to bring in any amount of money, so regardless, she needs a day job STAT!" ~ WolfgangAddams
"She was already tasked with getting a job. She either refused, or failed because available jobs are not 'content creator.'"
"If the wife just said this to her out of the blue, I'd agree with you it's out of line and not really her place. But when this girl was moved into her home without being asked, and now is living rent free on her and her husband while she makes vlogs all day, she gets a pass to say it's a stupid 'career' and it's time to grow up. She has been babied long enough." ~ ghostofumich2005
"I had a gym teacher that had played in the NFL. Best advice he ever gave us was 'Don't bet your future on the dream.' He lived his dream but was smart enough to know that dreams don't last. That teaching degree he had for after the dream ended up coming in really handy. YTA" ~ Livid-Flan
OP should've talked to his wife.
"ESH. Your wife's right. Whose gunna pay her way while she works on her dreams? You? Sounds like you'll be divorced if that's the case. And I won't blame your wife." ~ AllThoseRedFlags
"But hey he pays 2/3 of the rent so it's ok" ~ DrinKwine7
"I liked that part, too. 'Our joint, marital money pays for 2/3 of the expenses, and our joint marital money also pays for 1/3 of the expenses.' Fixed it for you, OP. Even if you have a prenup and separate finances, you're a household." ~ CaimansGalore
"His wife is totally right in the grand scheme of things, but I don't think his sister celebrating a milestone was the right moment. Even waiting the next day would have been better. But definitely ESH." ~ lisa_lionheart84
"Yeah, if she actually used the phrase silly little dream then she kinda sucks for being so dismissive and rude. People are allowed to have hopes and dreams. But she's not wrong that there's next to no chance of it working out and she's old enough to support herself and work on her dreams in her spare time like the rest of us." ~ catsncupcakes
"Doesn't matter how old she is. My husband wants to be a writer, I would never refer to it as a 'silly little dream' even if we are both aware it's a difficult and unlikely career."
"Like I said, the sister is old enough to support herself and work on it in her own time and you're right that OP is enabling her. Not going to try and dispute him being an AH, he is. But there's a big difference between having a polite conversation about how she needs to get a job, support herself and work on her dreams in her own time and being completely rude and dismissive of someone's hopes and dreams. Two wrongs don't make a right." ~ catsncupcakes
This decision had to be made as a couple.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.