Grieving Parent Horrified When Pregnant Sister Chooses Baby Name They Gave To Stillborn Daughter

Expecting parents put a lot of thought into what they want to name their children.

Sometimes that means honoring someone dear to them; other times it's inspired by a work of art or a person who made a significant historical impact.

Of course, even though they have no say, the nearest and dearest of these soon-to-be parents often have their own opinions on what they should name their child.

Occasionally, they might also have strong reactions to the names they settled on.

The sister Redditor Own_Contribution_804 was expecting her first child.

Much to the original poster (OP)'s surprise, despite still being in very early stages of her pregnancy, his sister had already chosen a name for her child.

A name the OP demanded that she switch.

After receiving blowback from his sister and the rest of his family for this demand, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for telling my sister she needs to pick a different baby name?"

The OP explained why he demanded his sister choose a different name for her child:

"My (35 M[ale]) younger sister (25 F[emale]) has recently announced that she's pregnant with her first child."

"I, along with my entire family, have been overjoyed for her and her partner."

"She's now 20 weeks pregnant and beginning the long list of preparations for making space in her home and life for a new baby girl."

"She lives at home with our mother, while I'm living out of home interstate with my wife and two children (3F and 1F)."

"Important background info: my wife and I haven't had the best run with having kids."

"We're blessed with the two that we have, but had a devastating stillborn pregnancy before our first successful pregnancy that left us heartbroken."

'With most of our family's support, we held a funeral for our stillborn child so that we could honor our little girl who never made it into the world, though my sister didn't attend due to work commitments that she 'couldn't get out of'."

"My sister has managed to since visit our stillborn child's grave."

"A few days ago, I was talking to her over the phone to check in on how things were going."

"During the call, I asked her if she'd picked a name for the baby yet, not expecting her to confirm the name even if she and her partner had picked one."

"To my absolute shock, she told me the soon-to-be baby's name; the same name as my stillborn child."

"I didn't really know how to respond at the time, I was so caught off guard that I gave a quick and polite acknowledgement of the name and quickly wrapped up the call."

"When I told my wife about the name, she literally burst into tears."

"The name bears such hurt for us and we couldn't understand why my sister had to use it for her child; it's not an overly common name and she's well aware of our history with the name."

"We decided that we needed to clarify why she'd picked that name."

"I messaged her and asked."

"She said she 'just thought it was beautiful name'."

"I told her 'we thought so too, that's why it was the name of our first child before she died'."

"I made it clear to her that we weren't comfortable with the name and would appreciate her choosing a different, and my sister just said that it was important to her, so we needed to accept that and move on."

"Now my sister is furious at me for 'putting her in such a difficult position' and my mother has taken my sister's side, telling me that I need to be more supportive and 'show the name the love it deserves, knowing how much it meant to you'."

"So, AITA for telling my sister she needs to pick a different one?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
• INFO - More Information Needed

The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for demanding his sister change her baby's name.

While everyone agreed that normally, no one should have any say in what other people name their child, the OP's sister should have known that their name choice would be triggering and should have at least checked in with the OP and his wife first:

"NTA."

"Like, I'll almost always be on the side of the person being told to pick a different name for their kid, because no one 'owns' a name, sure."

"But this is one of the very, very few exceptions: you plain and simply do not name your child after the one your sibling lost without their explicit blessing, and certainly not for a reason as shallow as 'I think it's a beautiful name'."

"Your sis is squarely in the wrong here."- AddWittyName

"Your sister is nuts."

"I’m sorry for your loss."

"NTA."- shanndawgg

"NTA."

"Your sister sounds like a narcissist."

"So many other names in the world she could’ve picked abcs this is the only one she chose?"

"I’d go lc or nc if she insists."

"How selfish."- sugarintheboots

"NTA."

"I know someone this happened to (very similar situation)."

'When she found out her sister was using the same name and refused to change it, my friend decided to be petty."

"And it was glorious."

"My friend made a HUGE post on social media about how she just learned her sister was naming her baby after her own baby that passed."

"She talked about how wonderful she felt, knowing her niece was going to be named after her daughter."

"How honored and touched she was that her sister would give up giving her baby her own name to instead carry on her daughter’s name."

"She described how every time anyone said or heard her niece’s name they’d forever remember her daughter."

"How her daughter would be forever remembered by her niece’s name honoring her and how she couldn’t wait to tell her niece all about how she was named after her cousin."

"The whole family thought it was beautiful."

"Her sister was livid and lost her sh*t but she couldn’t rant about it or she’d look awful to the whole family."

"Her sister ended up quietly picking another name and just never acknowledged or mentioned the name she initially planned to use."- Happy_and_Lazy

"NTA."

"NTA."

"NTA."

"NTA."

"Even if she in some delusional state of mind thinks this is a nice way to honor your child (doesn’t seem like it given her explanation, but it’s the kindest possible interpretation of what someone in that position MIGHT have thought) it’s totally tone deaf, inconsiderate and completely wrong."- thatanxiousmushroom

"NTA."

"Your sister is allowed to choose whatever name she wants, that’s her right as a mother."

"But you also have every right to be upset about it and distance yourself from her as a result if she can’t understand how cruel and callous she’s being."- QAoA

"NTA."

"Your mother and sister are extremely insensitive."- General-Toe-8686

"My ex husband and his wife named their child the same name he and my deceased child had."

"It was breathtakingly awful when I first heard."

"Apparently his wife was absolutely determined to do this."

"It felt like an attempt to erase our child. In my opinion NTA- it’s a thoughtless and selfish move by your sister."- Fee-raQueenofnopower

"NTA."

"Our first was born sleeping as well."

"I cannot imagine a family member trying to use his name for a subsequent child."

"Your sister needs to have some respect, ffs."- D0gtorM3ow

"NTA."

"There are millions of names in the world."

"To pick the exact same one as one of your children (living or deceased) is an a**hole move."

"It’s worse that your mom is enabling it."- somewhenimpossible

"NTA."

"Either your sister is incredibly insensitive or a massive idiot."

"And given she told you to 'accept that and move on', I’m heavily leaning toward the former."- GuyontheroofMan

"NTA AT ALL!"

"Those people would never be able to contact me, or my family, ever again."

"This is despicable."

"OP, I am so, so sorry for all you & your wife have been through."

"My heart aches for you both."

"Protect your mental health at all costs and cut these people out of your life."- salvefaith

"NTA."

"I was ready to call you TA based on the title, but Jesus Christ on a cracker, that’s beyond cruel to do."- Purple-Warning-2161

"NTA."

"This is the only circumstance where someone gets to tell a close friend or family member to find another baby name."

"She doesn't get to tell you to move on."

"It's ok for them to ask to use it."

"But it must be done very respectfully, making it clear it's ok to say no."

"TBH I see it more appropriate for a sibling of the deceased child to one day use the name of their sibling for their child."-Mysterious_Layer_823

It's unclear if the OP's sister had ulterior motives for choosing this particular name.

Even so, she must have known the name would elicit a reaction from the OP.

Leaving one surprised she didn't at least check in with him first...