Preparing and cooking a big meal for many isn’t an easy task for one person.
Cooking is an enjoyable pastime for many, sure.
But pulling together a big dinner party can be quite cumbersome.
Especially when the purpose of the meal is so that one’s partner can impress their friends and colleagues.
So when your partner does most of the preparation and heaving lifting, a little appreciation can go a long way. Right?
Case in point…
Redditor Deep_Fault6513 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not cooking a Western enough meal when having guests over?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My B[oy]F[riend] (24 M[ale]) and I (21 F[emale]) have recently hosted a dinner at his place with some of his coworkers and their partners.”
“He recently got a promotion at work, and his friends over there were asking for a treat.”
“I’m South Asian (Bangladeshi), and sometimes when I have leftovers from some of the traditional dishes I cook, I pack them for his lunch.”
“Apparently, many of his coworkers liked the smell and look of his food, and some even tried it and liked it.”
“So when I asked him if we should just invite them over to his place where I would cook some traditional dinner, he got excited and said yes.”
“He gave me a heads up that two of them are vegetarian.”
“For dinner, I cooked white rice, tomato chutney, mashed potatoes, spinach, onion fritters, fried eggplants, Chinese vegetables, spicy egg curry, chicken curry, and lentils with green mango.”
“For dessert, I made gajar halwa (carrot-based pudding).”
“I also served veg strips snacks and beverages before dinner as an evening snack.”
“All of them seemed to love my cooking and kept complimenting me throughout the night. “
“They also asked me many questions about the ingredients and what is the best way to eat each of them and I was happy to answer those.”
“After they all left, my boyfriend started ranting ‘What was that all about?'”
“I got very confused and apparently when he assumed I was gonna cook traditional meals, he thought it would be more like what they serve at weddings (biryani, chicken roast, spicy beef curry, kebab, fried fish, and another type of veggie dishes).”
“He thought what we served was not up to the standards, especially when guests are over.”
“I argued that most of my dishes were vegetarian friendly, and these are comfort foods that are also quite tasty since they were all seasoned properly and made from scratch.”
“He keeps saying that he should’ve just taken them to a restaurant and that I’m lucky none of them are Indian or something.”
“Otherwise they’d be able to tell that we just fed them ‘grass.'”
“I was very hurt by that comment since then I put a very high effort into all of that cooking when I don’t even live there.”
“I want some fresh outside perspective.”
“Was I TA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Dinner sounds delicious and just from the number of dishes seems like it was a lot of work.”
“2 problems I see…”
“Your BF didn’t bother to help you cook for a dinner for him and his colleagues.”
“Your BF didn’t even care to ask what you were making.”
“Your BF doesn’t seem to appreciate you and what you do for him.” ~ comomellamo
“I am absolutely disgusted by the BF.”
“Not only did he not help, but I was pretty sure he did not even notice what she was cooking.”
“This was an intricate complex menu.”
“I think she is an excellent cook because she is downplaying the effort that went into this.”
“This is elite South Asian cooking.”
“Each of the dishes requires a different technique.”
“Especially Gajar ka halwa is so labor intensive.”
“Bravo to OP for making such a thoughtful menu.”
“Please never doubt yourself.”
“Your guests can eat restaurant dishes anywhere.”
“They are lucky to have an excellent home-cooked meal.” ~ vsambandhan
“Indian restaurant and wedding food in North America is simplified Punjabi cuisine for the most part.”
“It’s usually low complexity and caters to the North American palate with a low level of spices (as in herbs and seasonings, not spiciness).”
“OP made complex dishes from all over India that are not easily available in North America.”
“North American Indians would kill to be able to get authentic versions of that food at regular restaurants.” ~ tdeasyweb
“My partner is honestly mildly hopeless, and while he can toss together a sandwich, that’s kind of about it.”
“I’m appreciative when he reads between the lines and realizes I’ve been having a rough day at work and I come home and he’s popped out to pick up any of several ‘comfort food’ takeaways he could choose from.”
“Just basic consideration and thought.”
“Also willing to bet OP’s boyfriend didn’t help clean up after dinner either based on his ungrateful attitude.” ~ pillowcrates
“Yes, exactly. One of my colleagues and his wife are from India, and both are vegetarian.”
“Over the years they’ve hosted a few dinner parties and served exactly the types of dishes OP describes.”
“OMG! It’s the best!”
“I’m not vegetarian, but I easily could be if I ate the dishes they served.”
“OP, don’t waste your culinary efforts on your husband – send all those dishes to me instead! NTA.” ~ Mean-Lynx6476
“Jumping on the top comment ride.”
“And yes agreed.”
“Also, I always look at the comments on AITA posts and sigh thinking ‘There goes Reddit telling people to break up or divorce’ and here l am saying GET RID OF HIM!”
“As a South Asian, I know what he’s doing, I know where he’s coming from and it’s not the right mindset and there’s no justification behind it either.”
“Oh, and you’re NTA, of course.”
“Super impressed with all the dishes you were able to prepare all by yourself!”
“And the halwa! Finger snaps!” ~ 1tryingtonotbeadick
“One thing I have to say about my ex is he was always helpful in the kitchen, did the dirty work (like peeling squash) and we had a lot of fun together.”
“He never said anything negative unless he was trying to poke fun, for fun’s sake, and we all ate and were happy.”
“You did a massive amount of work to host a dinner that your partner literally asked for and it seems like your guests left happy and full.”
“Grass? What in the actual f**k.”
“Not ok, I’d be highly offended if my partner spoke to me or about my cooking that way.”
“Especially after asking me to do this. Ugh. NTA.” ~ tinydeathclaw
“Imagine cooking that many dishes for your boyfriend’s coworkers, something that must have taken all day at least, and him having the nerve to b*tch about it afterward. NTA.” ~ LadyArtemis2012
“NTA. Dude is an embarrassment.”
“I am not a vegetarian by any means but that menu sounded delightful and varied.”
“There was a variety of foods that everyone could enjoy, and even the vegetarians had a variety of foods to choose from.”
“Usually those that are vegetarian are offered one main dish and a few sides.”
“I can’t even conceptualize how anyone could be upset about someone going through so much trouble for them.”
“He would starve before I sat another dish before him.” ~ False-Importance-741
“This is just a reminder that South Asia is not a monolith, it’s a very diverse place, and not all South Asians or Indians are vegetarians.”
“In particular, people who are of Bangladeshi descent (like OP) are more likely to be Muslim and less likely to be vegetarian.”
“My family is South Indian and I am still always surprised when I go to an Indian restaurant and the menu is vegetarian, because, in our specific culture, most meals would have a meat or fish component.”
“OP is still NTA but just adding some cultural context.”
“Like yes, we eat meat but we also recognize a large portion of people don’t and my family would always have a veg option at an event to make sure we accommodated neighbors and vendors that were vegetarian.” ~ stripey_kiwi
“NTA!! Get a new boyfriend.”
“He not only showed absolutely no appreciation for the massive amount of food you put effort into cooking from scratch.”
“But had the f**king audacity to complain about which dishes you chose, when no other person seemed to have any issue with your food.”
“I’m South Asian too, Pakistani, and I much prefer your menus because what he wants can be found at any f**king desi restaurant.”
“If they wanted that they could’ve gone to a restaurant, but instead they were interested in your cooking.”
“Also, is your boyfriend also South Asian?”
“Because his behavior sounds like the basic brown mama’s boy who doesn’t even know how to wipe their own a** and was a wife to replace their mother.” ~ gallifreyan_overlord
“NTA. My dear, you are a gem and likely this is your first true love.”
“I’m afraid he doesn’t deserve your affection.”
“He judges and critiques what he himself cannot do.”
“He offered no help or suggestions.”
“Your meal offered variety and excellent options to those not necessarily familiar with your cuisine.”
“He’s a boorish, shameless AH.” ~ Ariesinnc3017
“Sorry, WHAT?”
“HE tried to impress HIS coworkers with YOUR cooking – which you absolutely nailed – and now he’s complaining?”
“Why are you with this person?”
“He sounds like an entitled jerk.”
“If he wanted you to do something specific he should have said.”
“You sound beyond amazing, and you deserve to be appreciated, no, CELEBRATED.”
“NTA. Not even a tiny bit.” ~ oiseauteaparty
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You put your time, energy, and care into that meal.
A simple thank you would have been nice.
Sounds like you may have some thinking to do about this relationship.
Good luck.