Teenagers have a lot to figure out about themselves while they’re preparing to be adults.
One of those things absolutely is figuring out their sexuality, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Sam29292929 was supportive of her son recently coming out as bisexual.
But when he started demanding she purpose him things to prove her support, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure what to do.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my son that he can’t have a £50 ($60 USD) makeup palette?”
The OP’s teenage son recently came out.
“My (37 Female) son (14 Male) has recently come out as bisexual.”
“I would like to say that I have absolutely no problem with the LGBTQIA+ community and support him 110%.”
The OP’s son enjoyed experimenting with makeup.
“Since he has come out my son has been asking me for makeup such as £7 ($8.40 USD) eyeshadow palettes and £13 ($15.60 USD) lipsticks.”
“I bought these for him to practice with as they were quite cheap.”
Her son then started pushing for more expensive makeup.
“The other day, my son asked for a specific palette that cost around £50.”
“I was hesitant as this is a lot of money and he is still learning.”
“I told him that I didn’t want to buy him the palette as it was expensive and that he should try saving up for it himself (he gets £15 ($18 USD) a month pocket money without doing chores and earns an extra 15 for doing chores).”
“He started yelling at me that I ‘just didn’t want my son to look like a girl’ and ‘wasn’t accepting him and his identity.'”
“I have never said this nor implied it. He stormed upstairs and has been avoiding me since.”
The OP’s husband had mixed feelings.
“My husband has said that I should just buy him the palette just to stop the drama.”
“I don’t want to buy such an expensive palette just to save face but I also what my son to know that I accept him.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the OP’s son’s bisexuality was not an excuse for poor behavior.
“NTA. Being bisexual does not mean he can act like a spoiled brat.” – chinua333
“Being bisexual doesn’t give him a free pass to throw a tantrum. If he’s old enough to wear makeup, he’s old enough to save his money and buy his own eyeshadow like any other teenager.”
“NTA.” – ObjectiveSense102
“I also have a feeling that if OP gives in on this, based on him throwing the ‘you don’t accept me or my identity’ card, it’s only gonna escalate with other things and the card being thrown in her face every time she disagrees.” – Lumisateessa
“He already basically did turn the ‘you’re homophobic’ card on OP, which is an AH move. OP got the kid some pallets already without hesitation, therefore she didn’t disapprove of him being bisexual. So not an excuse here.” – Former_Ocelot5593
“The weird thing here is how OP’s son seems to associate make-up with being bisexual. They are not the same thing.”
“In fact, by saying that the two are the same is perpetuating homophobic stereotypes. So if anything, the homophobic one here is the son.”
“Straight people can wear makeup and surprisingly it’s not mandatory for gay/bi people.” – Daveii_captain
Others were worried the son would continue this if he got the palette now.
“Just buying him the palette won’t be helpful at all. It just shows him that he can emotionally blackmail people and will get away with it.”
“Also being bisexual has nothing to do with wanting to wear makeup (my boyfriend is bisexual and yesterday I told him he could try out my nail varnish if he wants to, I have nail polish remover at home, and he said he isn’t into these things).”
“I’m absolutely pro ‘everyone should do what makes them happy as long as they don’t hurt others by doing so,’ but wearing make-up is just personal taste and has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Even hetero men can be into those things. That being said NTA.” – Schweinelaemmchen
“He’s going to keep playing this card as well if she gives in to it. Could get pretty ugly.” – longdongsilver2071
“Not to mention, OP noted they had already been buying makeup for the kid, to begin with. That is definitely acceptance in action. Asking her kid to save and spend his own money on the pricier makeup is 100% reasonable.” – MorriganNiConn
“I’m a woman and don’t even use a. 50.00 makeup pallet. Hell next he’ll want high-end makeup and still look like a clown if not done right. I saw enough of them in high school.”
“If you really want to help him take him in and get him a make-up class to learn how to put it on first. Then talk about expensive makeup.” – Ok-Act-330
“OP, do not give in. Gently remind your son what you have bought him (cheaper things to practice with that you would not have done if you were ashamed of him).”
“But £50 is a bit much and he should save up to buy it. Or get it for him for a special occasion (birthday?). NTA.” – GardenSafe8519
“Return fire and call him a classist and tell him to stop discriminating against you because you’re poor and that if he’s too lazy to make money for luxury items then clearly he’s not entitled to them.”
“NTA. He is old enough to get working papers and please see to it that he does. Also, take him shopping for essentials and teach him a lesson in basic economics even if it means other items need to be cut from the shopping list like name brand snacks to clothing.” – SnooSuggestions2288
But a few were worried about how much money the son was receiving.
“OP said it was £15 a MONTH, not week, £50 would take the son over 3 months to save up for.”
“I 100% agree NTA though, I just think OP should maybe do £10 a week for chores instead since £15/month won’t really get you much anymore.” – Joker121215
“He can add it on his wish list for Christmas (or whatever they celebrate) or his birthday.” – Elinesvendsen
“My oldest is 12 and has recently been getting into makeup, while I’ve kinda fallen out of the makeup game in the last couple of years since having my youngest. So my oldest has gotten super lucky in that I have a bunch of good quality makeup I’ve hardly or never used that will expire in the next year or so that I was able to give to her.”
“Last night she came to me wanting a specific new palette and was very shocked to learn that she’d have to save $55 for that particular one, so she adjusted her expectations and settled on a new Colourpop palette instead, haha.”
“She knows she’s been lucky in me gifting her these things and cannot continue to get high-quality makeup without buying it herself, and would never dream of throwing a freakin’ tantrum like a toddler if she didn’t get a new expensive palette for no reason.”
“I’ve also given my 8-year-old and the 2-year-old a few blushes, eyeshadow palettes, and lipsticks for them to play with as well. All of us girls have fun doing our makeup before the youngest’s bath a couple of times a week! Such great bonding time for all of us.” – riskytisk
“As a 14-year-old, he can get a job in the UK, all he needs is a work permit.” – Acceptable_Day_6082
“My kid spent easily $60 on some makeup and skin care products.”
“But she did so from her allowance, gift cards from birthdays and holidays, and money earned pet-sitting, babysitting, and tutoring.”
“That was our deal, I will provide the basics (face wash, special shampoo, and conditioner for her hair, acne products, moisturizer, sunscreen, chapstick/lip gloss, non-comedogenic concealer, and foundation recommended by her dermatologist), and an allowance.”
“Anything else was up to her.”
“And she spent pennies on others. The kid did her research. I swear if there were a course in cosmetics and hair care that kid woulda gotten an A.” – DevilSilver
“Or she could tell him fine, I’ll buy it for you but you won’t be getting an allowance from me until it’s paid off which at 15 (sorry don’t have a British pound symbol handy) a month means 3 to 4 months. His choice: does he want his allowance or does he really want that palette? NTA.” – Elementary57
“He is a teenager and will have teenage tantrums but he absolutely CANNOT weaponize his sexuality to get his own way.”
“It is perfectly reasonable for parents to tell their children to save up for something they want to purchase, especially when the kids are teenagers who get an allowance and whose tastes start to get more expensive. OP and her husband need to tell their child exactly that. OP is NTA.” – RionaMurchada
While the subReddit could appreciate why the OP’s son was interested in exploring more extensive makeup options, they did not appreciate how the son approached the situation.
Weaponizing his identity as a way to get more items paid for by his mother was in poor taste, and since she had already purchased makeup for him, she had already more than proved her support of his identity.