With so much xenophobia and anti-immigration hatred flying around the internet and real life, families enduring it would understandably hope to rely on the support of their friends, family members, and other loved ones.
But a recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated that is not a sure thing.
The Original Poster (OP), who deleted her account after posting, titled the post with a personal question.
“AITA for telling my boyfriend I need some space after he told me my dad is being a lazy immigrant for not speaking English?”
Then she gave some background context.
“For some context: I [18-year-old female] am Japanese/Vietnamese; my boyfriend [19-year-old male] is German (apparently not..) but was born and raised in the US.”
“I recently moved to the US back in 2016 and adapted rather quickly to my peers and environment, making English a breeze for me.”
But that wasn’t the rule.
“My parents, however, were already in their 50s. Though they tried their best to learn the language, it proved a great challenge to them.”
“As a result, they can only speak broken English.”
Nonetheless, OP wasn’t too overly concerned.
“I never once thought this was a problem, especially to my boyfriend, as he seems very open minded.”
“Whenever he wants to communicate with my parents I would be the translator, and all seemed unproblematic for the most part.”
OP explained the details.
“I had ranted to him about how my dad was rejected from an editing job because he didn’t have the English speaking requirement, and that’s when everything broke loose.”
“He told me that maybe if he didn’t want to get rejected he could have learned English instead of sitting around being lazy on American soil.”
OP was not at all down with that take.
“I exploded on him and told him that with all due respect he would not understand what we went through to find a better future (mainly for me), and that without their sacrifices I wouldn’t be here and become his girlfriend.”
“And that they do try to learn, it’s just much more complicated for them.”
Then the impasse continued.
“I only hope that he would be a bit more sensitive to the subject. He got angry at me, called me entitled, and said that he only wanted to comfort me and be on my side.”
“The whole thing ended up escalating, and we are on the verge of breaking up. AITA?”
After some comments flowed in from Redditors, OP felt the need to set the record straight.
“EDIT: People are telling me to come clean to my dad about how he won’t be getting a job as an editor because of his English speaking skills.”
“The thing is, I DO.”
“I am not delusional and entitled so much so that I believe since he sacrificed so much for me he must deserve that job. That’s why I ranted to my boyfriend in the first place.”
“My dad didn’t take the rejection very well, and i myself got frustrated at him for it. The entire reason my boyfriend said that was because he was trying to sympathize.”
“It’s just baffling to me how he thinks it’s sympathy he’s giving me.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors were nearly unanimous in their contention that OP wasn’t an a**hole at all.
In fact, they suggested how she could do herself one better.
“NTA BUT you need to dump him. He flat out said how he feels about your parents, you need to believe him and dump his a**.” — ViolaFern
“NTA. Also, he isn’t German. He’s American if he’s born and raised here. That being said, I can see why racism spewed so easily out of his mouth.”
“You youngsters spent your teenage years ingesting so much hate and racism in the last four years I can see why he would so freely say something so racist to his girlfriend.”
“You don’t need that in your life. No one does. You’re young. Boot him to the curb.” — SeanInDC
“Hey, I’m a 22F first generation asian immigrant, and my mom who immigrated with me doesn’t work because she can only speak broken English.”
“If my white American boyfriend had the audacity to even think what your boyfriend said to you about my mom, I wouldn’t even think twice about dumping him but only after beating his sorry a**.”
“NTA and I hope you can see that you and your parents deserve more respect from your significant other.” — millennialmulan
Others noted how unfair his specific criticisms were.
“NTA – It’s very difficult to learn a new language, especially the older you get. The US has no official National Language. Unfortunately for your father, depending on where you live, English may be the primary language spoken and the job wants an employee who can speak the language fluently.”
“I am a native English Speaker, but where I live there is a large Hispanic populace, so I’m not getting those jobs that require me to speak Spanish fluently bc all I can do is basically figure out where the bathroom is, how much something costs, and swear at you. In Massachusetts there are neighborhoods that primarily speak Portuguese.”
“Regarding the attitude and disrespect towards your father, I’m surprised a breakup wasn’t the first thing you put into place. Reevaluate this relationship. The red flags aren’t leading to a carnival.” — Jennabear82
“NTA- learning languages from scratch without any help is hard, he should try it some time.”
“Also I’m sorry you had to find out about his demented World views like this. How is his german btw? Just curious because this ‘born&raised’ thing along with his views makes him look very american” — Delicioustoilet
“NTA. Your bf is a dumb a** & not a German at all. Having german grandparents doesn’t make him German, he’s American.”
“With that being said: I’m German married to a Japanese, 51 yo and I’m struggling with learning Japanese… still after more than 20 years married to her I’m far from being fluent.” — Intrepid_Conflict140
With her account deleted and no further updates, only OP knows whether the relationship still stands after all this.