Redditor Sweet-Cherrypies had some financial good luck right around the time of the housing market crash.
This good luck allowed the Original Poster (OP) to purchase a house, setting her up for a more comfortable future.
Recently finances came up between the OP and her boyfriend, and when he found out how she purchased her house, he was not pleased.
This prompted a complicated conversation, driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for not telling my boyfriend I won money 15 years ago?”
She went on to explain:
“I don’t know what I did wrong or if what I did is wrong and I need some advice. I didn’t want to post this on my real account because I’d like to be as anonymous as possible.”
“My boyfriend [35-year-old male] and I [35-year-old female] were discussing finances as we wanted to be on the same page.”
“My boyfriend moved in with me unexpectedly three months ago as his landlord decided to move into the property with his family.”
“We were discussing finances and the topic of how I own my place came up.”
“I explained I won some money (not a lot but enough to be able to put myself through nursing school, purchase my home and have some savings) back in 2009…”
“…and bought my place outright and then rented it out until I moved back into it in late 2018.”
“Obviously I had some luck on my side as this was right in the middle of the recession so I got my place for real cheap.”
“He says I deceived him by giving him the impression that I was a financially well off and that I led him to believe I was more business savvy than I was.”
“I don’t know how I did that because I literally work as a nurse make decent money, fully own my home, fully own my car, have decent retirement plans and decent savings.”
“Im fairly certain that I am financially better off than most people I know.”
“He says that he can’t trust me anymore and that he was stupid to have listened to my financial advice but the thing is I never gave him any financial advice…”
“…except for telling him not to buy a car that was in my opinion unreliable and much too expensive.”
“FYI we have been dating for almost a year and a half.”
“Did I deceive him by not telling him how I got myself financially stable?”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA”
“This feels like jealousy on his part, so he’s lashing out.”
“If you were together when you won the money and hid it from him that might be a different argument.”
“Also, you are financially savvy because you got a windfall and didn’t waste it. Well done you!” – RMaua
“NTA, and I see a lot of red flags here.”
“It’s sounds like you were very responsible about how you spent your windfall, securing yourself a home, paying for your education, and putting the rest aside in savings.”
“I’m not sure what about that he’s questioning. My concern is that he might have thought you were very wealthy and was hoping you would be his sugar mama.”
“Is he only in this for the money?” – Ajstross
“NTA. “
“Thank god you found this out right now. I would make him an ex-boyfriend and kick him out.”
“Don’t want him to start laying claims to your home’s equity after he lives there too long (depending on state/provincial laws on common law partners).”
“He’s jealous. He also likely thinks that you were his meal ticket. He is angry over nothing reasonable.”
“1.5 years isn’t very long, and you don’t owe someone the whole ‘I bought this house because I got money from x blah blah blah’.” – archetyping101
“Next thing will be ‘you won that money, you didn’t earn it honestly, so you don’t deserve it. Spend it on (or give it to) me. I deserve it for putting up with your lies.'”
“Remove this person from your life before he ruins you, is my gut feeling. NTA.” – Fit-Confusion-4595
“NTA – sounds like he is insecure because you make more and/or have more success than him.”
“He is putting you down to make himself feel better.”
“Nurses make bank. They work hard hours and are compensated accordingly.”
“Simply ask him, knowing how you probably earn 100k per year and another 30-40k in overtime, if he believes you could own your home without your prior luck?”
“Because unless it’s some mansion, buying anything in the recession was cheap, and as I stated, you likely make bank.”
“If he feels like you don’t ‘deserve’ your home because of some chance/luck(?), and couldn’t afford it, offer to move into his comparable home he purchases.”
“Honestly, I don’t think he recognizes your success, and I think you need a long chat about it over a bottle of wine or 3. He can either be proud of you and drop it, or he can be single.” – GameDev4187
“Eek, this guy is dripping in red flags. Moved in with you ‘unexpectedly’, ie didn’t give you sufficient time to think about it.”
“Critical of you for not telling him something that is none of his business and because he made incorrect assumptions about you.”
“Saying he can’t trust you? Fine, fork off and move out!”
“‘How much do you have in savings?’ after this sh*tshow should have been met with the answer ‘none of your business’. How much does he have?”
“BUY HIM A CAR? Girl, this gets worse and worse.”
“Change the locks. ASAP.”
“NTA.” – In_need_of_chocolate
“NTA.”
“I wonder if he’s disappointed because he thought you came from a wealthy family? Or he’s disappointed that you don’t secretly have some lucrative side business on top of being a nurse?”
“I don’t see any reason why a rational person would be upset about learning of your winnings.”
“Either way, you’re obviously very financially responsible if you’re still benefiting from the money you won 15 years ago. You’ve used it incredibly wisely.”
“If your boyfriend were worth anything, he’d realize you’re a keeper after hearing that.” – LongNefariousness396
“NTA”
“But I find his comments about how he thought you were wealthy VERY telling…..It makes me wonder OP would he have feigned interest in you if you were dirt poor?”
“Also him wanting to move in so quickly…..Is this a tactic to try and make a claim later on?”
“A decent guy would be happy for you and wouldn’t make a big deal of this”
“This guy thinks maybe you need to reevaluate this guy and send him on his way 🚩🚩🚩” – ColdstreamCapple
The OP went on to update her original post:
“Edit- I just had another, very weird conversation with him, and I honestly can’t wrap my head around it. Yeah, so he is definitely a gold digger.”
“He asked me how much I have in savings and seemed impressed with how much and then said maybe he reacted too aggressively.”
“Then asked/told me that he still wants the car I advised him not to get. He hinted at me getting it for him as a birthday present since it’s his birthday in early March.”
“I am definitely dumping him. Going to wait till my two sisters and my two brother-in-laws can come over before I break up with him in case he reacts crazy.”
“He’s jealous and also resentful. He’s ranting about how he would’ve tripled the money if he had won it.”
“He’s saying that my money is wasted on me because I don’t ‘make it make money’. Apparently, I should’ve been investing my savings in high-yielding stocks and other sh*t.”
“FYI, I do get financial advice from a financial advisor I trust, but I am a risk-averse person, so I would never invest it in the manner this idiot is telling me!”
“Sure, the chance to get a lot of money is there, but so is the chance to lose!”
The OP went on to update us one last time.
“He’s now on a crazy rant because I suggested we take a break from this argument because I don’t want to ruin my few days off.”
“My god, I can’t believe how he’s behaving. He thinks he’s so clever, but I am thoroughly disgusted. Oh it is absolutely over between us.”
“Okay so I understand him better now. So my house/ the property it’s on is what led him to believe I was much richer than I am. He assumed I was loaded.”
“So me telling him I actually got lucky pissed him off. Then, when he found out how much in savings and assets I have, he perked up and had a change of mind.”
“He’s now telling me that with just a quarter of my money he can show me how to invest on the stock market and ‘make real money’. Oh, he is genuinely deluded.”
Big red flags, OP.
What do you think of the OP’s situation?