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Woman Calls Boyfriend ‘Disrespectful’ For Giving Starbucks Barista A Fake Name With His Order

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We all have our quirks.

For Redditor solecism18, he doesn’t like when his name is called out loud at a coffee shop.

To mitigate his discomfort, he provides an alias at places like Starbucks.

Recently, however, the Original Poster (OP) was called out for this behavior by his new girlfriend, who called it “disrespectful”.

The OP was confused by this and turned to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for clarity.

He asked:

“AITA for giving a fake name at Starbucks?”

He went on to explain:

“Alright so I [22-year-old male] think this whole thing is ridiculous but my gf [21-year-old female] is really angry at me so here we go…”

“…I don’t like giving my real name at places like Starbucks and similar stores where they shout out your name when the order’s ready.”

“I can’t tell you why, I have a normal, reasonably common name I like fine enough but for some reason it majorly creeps me out when a barista shouts my name through a room full of strangers.”

“I guess it’s just some (at least to me) harmless quirk I have.”

“So whenever I am at a store where they want your name I say it’s Tom, that’s literally the name I use, nothing inappropriate or outlandish just plain Tom.”

“I know I am meant when they call it as I always use the same one so there is no confusion or anything, they yell Tom I get my drink/food and it’s never been a problem till now.”

“A couple days ago I was at Starbucks with my new gf and ordered our drinks while she sat down, I gave them my fake name as always…”

“…and when our order was ready and they shouted Tom I went and got it.”

“My gf was a bit confused and asked me if I went and got someone else’s order which is fair enough so I explained the thing to her and thought that’s that but she got really angry.”

“She says it’s really disrespectful to lie like that and that I am making everybody in the store out to be creeps who will do something bad if they know my name…”

“…which is not at all what’s happening I just don’t like when they yell my real name so I found a harmless way to get around that.”

“But she can’t see it like that, she thinks I am a pathological liar who is way to suspicious of everyone and I need to stop. I really can’t see the problem she has, it’s really not that deep.”

“I don’t think I am hurting anyone… or am I?? So yeah I am really confused by her reaction and asking myself if I am the a**hole after all for some reason I can’t comprehend.”

“So Reddit AITA for giving a fake name?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“I guess NTA? I don’t think it’s ‘disrespectful’ (none of the Starbucks employees will know or care if you use a fake name)…”

“…but it’s definitely weird that you think it matters in any way if a handful of random strangers hear a first name with no confirmation that it’s actually your name.” – Bear_faced

“I do the same thing, I have a common name that can sound like many other names so the confusion just adds up, so I give a name I can easily recognize.”

“For your gf to get so worked up over it is a bit much.”

“Good thing is that she is a new gf and you didn’t invest too much time in the relationship. If she nitpicks about everything so much, perhaps you two aren’t a good fit.”

“NTA” – DontAskMeChit

“NTA I used to work at one of those places that asked for names.”

“A few of the older regulars whose names I did know absolutely did not want their real names punched into the system because they were suspicious of the system…”

“…and I actually enjoyed coming up with goofy fake names for them. They loved it. I wasn’t upset.”

“Most of those people working there don’t know you. They don’t care. They are there to do a job.”

“And honestly they probably think having to ask for names is silly and just another dumb rule corporate is pushing on them.” – Reyvakitten


“‘She says it’s really disrespectful to lie like that and that I am making everybody in the store out to be creeps who will do something bad if they know my name’”

“A lot of hotels won’t say your hotel room number out loud when handing your key over because it’s a security risk.”

“And disrespectful to whom? Who gives a f*ck besides your gf?” – indicatprincess

“This is one of the oddest posts I’ve seen here in awhile”

“You are clearly NTA”

“The person you are seeing is making a huge deal about something that people have literally made a thing on the internet…”

“…and make jokes about regularly (going into Starbucks and ordering a drink for Voldemort to see if the batista will say the name…”

“…or call them “the dark lord” or “he-who-must-not-be-named” for example)”

“I personally think its harmless”

“You’re reasoning is a bit odd, but you aren’t hurting anyone”

“People working at Starbucks aren’t paid enough to care if you give them your real name; they just care that you get your drink and don’t complain about it after” – zeeelfprince

“NTA. I’m with you. It’s a harmless quirk. How does she jump from ‘I have a weird thing about my name being yelled in a room full of strangers’ to ‘You’re a pathological liar.’”

“That said, maybe she’s had BFs lie to her in the past – it could be a trigger for her. Otherwise? Wild overreaction.” – Specific-Succotash-8

“I dont really get why they ask for names. They dont do it in british starbucks. Or at least in my experience.”

“You just wait in the line of people ready to collect drinks and by the time you’re at the front they double check the drink order and give it to you.”

“They just line the drinks up when they finish making them. Maybe americans just cant queue?” – Double_0_Spoopy

“I think your girlfriend is seriously overreacting! I used to do the exact same thing. I didn’t want a room full of strangers knowing my name.”

“Not that I thought they were going to do anything wrong. But it’s just a personal thing and I don’t need my name being broadcast to the whole store. My name is personal I share it with friends.”

“So when I’d go to Starbucks or someplace, I’d give a fake name, but I’d do something really funny so the baristas knew it was a fake name and I was just being silly.”

“Like I’d use Pierre or something like that. In fact in Barnes & Noble the baristas there started calling me Pierre whenever I came in, and they thought it was the funniest thing.”

“They knew it was a fake name, but it was like a joke between us. It was a lot of fun!”

“Sometimes I would just say my name was “22,” so they would call out “22” when my drink was ready, like in the old days where you would just get a ticket with a number on it.”

“The baristas didn’t care. They would write down whatever I told them, and they thought it was funny. Brightened their day a little bit.”

“But even if you don’t use a silly name, who cares if you use a different name? I’d say your girlfriend definitely has issues.”

“If I had to guess I’d say maybe she’s been lied to a lot in her life, maybe by her father, and so she’s ultrasensitive to people who don’t speak the truth even if in insignificant things.”

“That would be my guess.”

“NTA” – nrgins

“Lmao what? I always give a fake name because my name can be relatively easily misheard and come out as a slightly different name and I hate being confused about if it’s my drink or not.”

“So I just go by Anna or something like that. When I was a teenie I used the name of my favourite actor for a while. Who cares.”

“I don’t really understand why you have a problem with your name being shouted but that’s a problem with a ridiculously easy solution. And you found that solution. Good for you.”

“This is the weirdest hill to even care about. NTA” – asietsocom

“NTA, Tom is NOT THE A-hole!!!”

“You’re girlfriend went and did some mental gymnastics with that stretch, tho. Maybe it’s times to evaluate her response to such a little thing.” – Ecstatic-Product-69

“My youngest son will never give his name when he is waiting for a food or drink order. He always tells them his name is Sebastian.”

“People can never confuse Sebastian for any other name and sometimes they even ask him how to spell it, which he does. Even when he calls in orders at places he tells him his name is Sebastian.”

“Who cares what name you use when you are out in public. Chances are you are never going to see these people again so what difference does it make.”

“If you want to be called Tom, so be it. If your new girlfriend is going to become so nippity about what name you use, I can only imagine how she will be later on in your relationship.”

“She is showing a huge red flag to you.”

“Please keep a mental note of this and other red flags she is showing, because this is showing her true colors or some of her insecurities which can also be major red flags.”

“Keep using the name Tom if that’s what you want to use Tom!” – Lauriesmagick

Tom, it is.

What about you, readers? Do you use a fake name at your coffee place or no?

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)