We all have our quirks.
For Redditor solecism18, he doesn't like when his name is called out loud at a coffee shop.
To mitigate his discomfort, he provides an alias at places like Starbucks.
Recently, however, the Original Poster (OP) was called out for this behavior by his new girlfriend, who called it "disrespectful".
The OP was confused by this and turned to subReddit "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) for clarity.
He asked:
"AITA for giving a fake name at Starbucks?"
He went on to explain:
"Alright so I [22-year-old male] think this whole thing is ridiculous but my gf [21-year-old female] is really angry at me so here we go…"
"…I don't like giving my real name at places like Starbucks and similar stores where they shout out your name when the order's ready."
"I can't tell you why, I have a normal, reasonably common name I like fine enough but for some reason it majorly creeps me out when a barista shouts my name through a room full of strangers."
"I guess it's just some (at least to me) harmless quirk I have."
"So whenever I am at a store where they want your name I say it's Tom, that's literally the name I use, nothing inappropriate or outlandish just plain Tom."
"I know I am meant when they call it as I always use the same one so there is no confusion or anything, they yell Tom I get my drink/food and it's never been a problem till now."
"A couple days ago I was at Starbucks with my new gf and ordered our drinks while she sat down, I gave them my fake name as always…"
"…and when our order was ready and they shouted Tom I went and got it."
"My gf was a bit confused and asked me if I went and got someone else's order which is fair enough so I explained the thing to her and thought that's that but she got really angry."
"She says it's really disrespectful to lie like that and that I am making everybody in the store out to be creeps who will do something bad if they know my name…"
"…which is not at all what's happening I just don't like when they yell my real name so I found a harmless way to get around that."
"But she can't see it like that, she thinks I am a pathological liar who is way to suspicious of everyone and I need to stop. I really can't see the problem she has, it's really not that deep."
"I don't think I am hurting anyone... or am I?? So yeah I am really confused by her reaction and asking myself if I am the a**hole after all for some reason I can't comprehend."
"So Reddit AITA for giving a fake name?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
"I guess NTA? I don't think it's 'disrespectful' (none of the Starbucks employees will know or care if you use a fake name)…"
"…but it's definitely weird that you think it matters in any way if a handful of random strangers hear a first name with no confirmation that it's actually your name." - Bear_faced
"I do the same thing, I have a common name that can sound like many other names so the confusion just adds up, so I give a name I can easily recognize."
"For your gf to get so worked up over it is a bit much."
"Good thing is that she is a new gf and you didn't invest too much time in the relationship. If she nitpicks about everything so much, perhaps you two aren't a good fit."
"NTA" - DontAskMeChit
"NTA I used to work at one of those places that asked for names."
"A few of the older regulars whose names I did know absolutely did not want their real names punched into the system because they were suspicious of the system…"
"…and I actually enjoyed coming up with goofy fake names for them. They loved it. I wasn't upset."
"Most of those people working there don't know you. They don't care. They are there to do a job."
"And honestly they probably think having to ask for names is silly and just another dumb rule corporate is pushing on them." - Reyvakitten
"NTA"
"'She says it's really disrespectful to lie like that and that I am making everybody in the store out to be creeps who will do something bad if they know my name'"
"A lot of hotels won't say your hotel room number out loud when handing your key over because it's a security risk."
"And disrespectful to whom? Who gives a f*ck besides your gf?" - indicatprincess
"This is one of the oddest posts I've seen here in awhile"
"You are clearly NTA"
"The person you are seeing is making a huge deal about something that people have literally made a thing on the internet…"
"…and make jokes about regularly (going into Starbucks and ordering a drink for Voldemort to see if the batista will say the name…"
"…or call them "the dark lord" or "he-who-must-not-be-named" for example)"
"I personally think its harmless"
"You're reasoning is a bit odd, but you aren't hurting anyone"
"People working at Starbucks aren't paid enough to care if you give them your real name; they just care that you get your drink and don't complain about it after" - zeeelfprince
"NTA. I'm with you. It's a harmless quirk. How does she jump from 'I have a weird thing about my name being yelled in a room full of strangers' to 'You're a pathological liar.'"
"That said, maybe she's had BFs lie to her in the past - it could be a trigger for her. Otherwise? Wild overreaction." - Specific-Succotash-8
"I dont really get why they ask for names. They dont do it in british starbucks. Or at least in my experience."
"You just wait in the line of people ready to collect drinks and by the time you're at the front they double check the drink order and give it to you."
"They just line the drinks up when they finish making them. Maybe americans just cant queue?" - Double_0_Spoopy
"I think your girlfriend is seriously overreacting! I used to do the exact same thing. I didn't want a room full of strangers knowing my name."
"Not that I thought they were going to do anything wrong. But it's just a personal thing and I don't need my name being broadcast to the whole store. My name is personal I share it with friends."
"So when I'd go to Starbucks or someplace, I'd give a fake name, but I'd do something really funny so the baristas knew it was a fake name and I was just being silly."
"Like I'd use Pierre or something like that. In fact in Barnes & Noble the baristas there started calling me Pierre whenever I came in, and they thought it was the funniest thing."
"They knew it was a fake name, but it was like a joke between us. It was a lot of fun!"
"Sometimes I would just say my name was "22," so they would call out "22" when my drink was ready, like in the old days where you would just get a ticket with a number on it."
"The baristas didn't care. They would write down whatever I told them, and they thought it was funny. Brightened their day a little bit."
"But even if you don't use a silly name, who cares if you use a different name? I'd say your girlfriend definitely has issues."
"If I had to guess I'd say maybe she's been lied to a lot in her life, maybe by her father, and so she's ultrasensitive to people who don't speak the truth even if in insignificant things."
"That would be my guess."
"NTA" - nrgins
"Lmao what? I always give a fake name because my name can be relatively easily misheard and come out as a slightly different name and I hate being confused about if it's my drink or not."
"So I just go by Anna or something like that. When I was a teenie I used the name of my favourite actor for a while. Who cares."
"I don't really understand why you have a problem with your name being shouted but that's a problem with a ridiculously easy solution. And you found that solution. Good for you."
"This is the weirdest hill to even care about. NTA" -Â asietsocom
"NTA, Tom is NOT THE A-hole!!!"
"You're girlfriend went and did some mental gymnastics with that stretch, tho. Maybe it's times to evaluate her response to such a little thing." - Ecstatic-Product-69
"My youngest son will never give his name when he is waiting for a food or drink order. He always tells them his name is Sebastian."
"People can never confuse Sebastian for any other name and sometimes they even ask him how to spell it, which he does. Even when he calls in orders at places he tells him his name is Sebastian."
"Who cares what name you use when you are out in public. Chances are you are never going to see these people again so what difference does it make."
"If you want to be called Tom, so be it. If your new girlfriend is going to become so nippity about what name you use, I can only imagine how she will be later on in your relationship."
"She is showing a huge red flag to you."
"Please keep a mental note of this and other red flags she is showing, because this is showing her true colors or some of her insecurities which can also be major red flags."
"Keep using the name Tom if that's what you want to use Tom!" - Lauriesmagick
Tom, it is.
What about you, readers? Do you use a fake name at your coffee place or no?
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and IÂ got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.'Â And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.