Every relationship will look different, and how two people treat each other will look different, too.
But there are certain standards we should all be able to maintain and agree upon, like being respected by our partners.
A person totally disregarding their partner and not even wondering if they could be hungry at the same time certainly doesn't communicate anything positive about the relationship, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" subreddit.
Redditor ihateusernames88888 had been casually seeing a guy for close to a year and considered them to mostly still be in the talking stage.
But when he stayed at their place and ordered food for himself without even asking if the Original Poster (OP) was hungry or wanted anything, they began to wonder how serious the guy would ever be about them.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by being upset that this guy I'm seeing ordered food to my house and didn't offer me anything?"
The OP had been casually seeing a guy for about a year.
"Recently, I started seeing this guy on and off since like December."
"It's just a casual hookup, talking-stage type of relationship."
"He has mentioned that we could go serious, but I’m hesitant because he lives an hour away, but whatever; that’s just a little backstory."
The OP was surprised when the guy ordered breakfast to their place.
"So fast-forward to today: he spent the night at my house last night, and we woke up in the morning and went to chill in the living room."
"We were just chatting, and then out of nowhere, he repeats my address out loud and asks if it's correct, so I confirm that it’s indeed my address."
"Then like 20 minutes later, there’s a knock at my door, and he goes and answers it, and he brings back a Starbucks bag."
"He doesn’t say anything to me and just starts munching on his breakfast sandwich and his coffee, and there’s nothing else in the bag... He doesn’t even offer me nothing."
The OP was perplexed by his behavior.
"I don’t know. I just feel like is that weird?"
"Am I overreacting? Like, why not bother to at least ask if I was hungry or wanted anything? Or even ask if I was comfortable with a stranger showing up to my house, regardless if it’s DoorDash or not?"
"I just feel like that was an insensitive thing to do and not really sure if he just didn’t read the room or I don't know."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that this was incredibly disrespectful coming from someone who was comfortable enough to order food at the OP's home.
"You're underreacting. This is blatant disrespect."
"Stop 'seeing' him. This is not the 'talking stage'; this is straight-up insulting you."
"Don't see him again. Don't ever let him in your house." - shgrdrbr
"Seriously, what 'stage of the relationship' is it when they come over and bang you, then not only don’t fix you breakfast, but sit on your couch eating food dash without acknowledging your existence?" - SnooCheesecakes2723
"I’d be annoyed too, especially since he literally asked for your address and then ordered food to your house without even asking if you wanted anything; that’s just weird behavior." - Lazy_Success_6569
"So you let him hit and sleep under your roof, and he can’t even get you a coffee. Girl. Raise your standards." - ThurmanMermannnn
"This is a guy who will always put himself first, and you will be an afterthought or not thought of at all. You deserve better." - T-Wrox
"Talking stage since December? This is not a small action; this is a clear sign of how little he values you and takes you for granted." - Outrageous_Hearing26
"Just ick. NOR. That was rude and self-centered of him."
"He could have easily gone, 'Ok cool, I wanted to get us breakfast from DoorDash; what's your favorite?' But nah. He just wanted to make sure he was good." - Delicious_Sorbet5154
"I decided to leave a job when one night, four of us stayed till near midnight (a publishing job, on deadline) when our boss ordered himself a huge spread of food for himself but no one else. Not even an offer."
"It was my last straw and my last project. So yeah, I would never see this guy again." - blutspend
"NOR. This is the craziest s**t I’ve ever heard, honestly."
"I’m trying to decide if this whole story is completely made up because if I saw that scene in a movie I would be like, 'Okay, this movie is ridiculous because that would never happen in real life.'"
"Something else crazy is the fact that you didn’t call his a** out! How could you even keep a straight face?! I would’ve immediately asked him if he was pranking me, and once I found out he was dead a** serious, I would have told him to get the f**k out of my house."
"Oh yeah, dude! You ordered a coffee to go, how awesome!"
"Drop that dude asap. He’s total trash." - Effective_Mousse7071
Others agreed, finding the behavior as weird as it was disrespectful.
"It's just weird he didn't mention it. Like, 'Hey, I'm starving; do you want anything?' NOR. It's just very strange behavior." - mcniner55
"It's basically rude behavior, but in a way it's more than that... It's like more odd than even rude. It's basically just natural instinct: 'Hey, I'm getting food; you want anything?'"
"It doesn't even matter if you are boyfriend and girlfriend, or whatever you want to classify yourself as. Even I was just at a regular friend's house, it just feels like the normal thing to do, just ask if they want something too."
"I would just feel uncomfortable ordering food and then eating it in front of the other person without even saying anything and pretending that's normal. Sorry for the long response. It's just that this scenario doesn't make sense to me at all." - Psychological-Joke22
"NOR. It was insensitive, and it pretty much tells you who he is when it comes to being thoughtful with the person you just spent the night with. D**n." - Equivalent_Secret_26
"I'm torn. Like I feel like if someone stays at my house, I'm going to offer them food that I have, or say "do you want to order/go out for something". So I feel it's kinda weird that you just sat there and didn't make any offer."
"At the same time, I wouldn't just order something to someone else's house either."
"I kind of feel like you both may have been, like, waiting each other out and may have been expecting the other to kind of start the 'what are we doing for food' conversation. That said, I think it's on the person who is hosting to initiate that." - illini02
"He is showing that he just sees you as a warm body to sleep with and hang out with. Things will never be serious between you, one coffee order at a time." - RaisedByTheBay
"Confirming her address out loud like a delivery tracking update and then eating solo in front of her is a whole new level of oblivious. At this point, he owes her a coffee and an apology, not just a coffee for him." - ReadyForEquivalent
"I cannot fathom doing that to a friend at my own house, let alone someone at their house where I am a guest. And someone I’m sleeping with while at their house??"
"Jesus, what an AH. No NOR. How could someone be so clueless??" - magicmavenhart
"My extended family does this. They pick up breakfast for their family, bring it back to my place (with nothing for my family). They do this WHILE I'm preparing breakfast."
"We will not be hosting them again. I hope you won't be 'hosting' him, either." - Natural_Routine29
"Since December, soo... almost a year? Yet, he doesn't ask if you want anything when ordering food to your home?"
"My partner asks if I need anything every time they get up from the couch/bed (and vice versa). They always bring snacks they know I like every time we spend the day together. I can't imagine them ordering food and not ordering something for me (or at the absolute least asking if I wanted something)."
"You're NOR, and I personally wouldn't continue giving this dude your time." - Forsaken_Insurance92
"If a close friend or literally anyone else told you this happened to them, what would you say?" - i3bby
"NOR. You got red flags for breakfast." - Final_Block_5146
The subReddit totally understood why the OP was weirded out by this behavior, because it really didn't make sense. If the boyfriend was interested in them getting more serious, wouldn't he do more boyfriend-like things, like offering to make or order breakfast?
It's understandable to be hungry in the morning and to want to order something, but it would have made much more sense if the boyfriend had asked the OP if it was okay to order to their apartment and, of course, if they wanted anything while he was ordering, even if they split the bill later.
The fact that he could order and eat in front of them without a single word didn't scream boyfriend material.
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