A favorite part of wedding planning for many couples is choosing the perfect wedding cake. Most couples try their best to bring flavors and designs together that represent both of their personalities and that they believe their guests will enjoy.
It's unfathomable that a couple would order cake samples to help make the final decision on their cake order, and that one of them would eat all the samples before their partner could take a bite, side-eyed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
But that's exactly what happened to Redditor AssociationAway2426. While she was taking a nap, her future husband helped himself to the entire tray of samples that were awaiting them in the fridge.
When her fiancé wasn't even apologetic and insisted all of the samples were good, the Original Poster (OP) didn't take his word at face value. Instead, she considered calling off the wedding.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for being furious that my fiancé ate all of our wedding cake samples?"
The OP had to plan everything for her wedding by herself.
"My fiancé and I are getting married in a few months. I have basically done all the preparations by myself."
"Anytime I mention an idea for the wedding, he just says it’s 'whatever you want,' or he shrugs."
She was at least looking forward to trying cake samples with her fiancé.
"Today, I went to a bakery that was an hour away and got wedding cake samples for us to try so he can actually give some input."
"In total, there were around 20 mini samples of different cake flavors, meaning we each would have 10 each."
"When I got home, I showed him the different flavors and put them in the fridge to try with him after dinner."
But her fiancé messed up that opportunity, too.
"I accidentally took a nap, and when I woke up, I decided to take them out of the fridge and saw that an empty container had just been left behind."
"I confronted him about this, just for him to say, 'Well, you said you wanted me to try the different flavors.'"
"I proceeded to cry about how I’m planning all of the wedding by myself, and I just wanted this one opportunity for him to help make decisions, but he ruined it."
"I’m being told I’m being overdramatic since 'it’s just cake.'"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some were sure the fiancé wasn't really invested in the relationship, let alone the wedding and their future together.
"My fiancé and I are currently planning our wedding. I do the groundwork on doing on the research, but when it comes time to make decisions, he provides meaningful input on everything, even 'small stuff women love' like colors and florals."
"We're approaching this wedding the way we intend to approach our marriage, as a team. We may have different strengths and take the lead in different areas, but overall we work together to create a sum that is greater than its parts."
"This is exactly what you deserve, and you're NOR for being upset that you didn't have it." - Fun_Access_3295
"It's not even just about being greedy with food... it's the total lack of consideration."
"She drove two hours round trip to include him in one part of the planning, and he couldn't even leave her a single bite."
"The cake is just a symptom of a much bigger issue..." - silverfield426
"He treated it like it was a snack. He knows what taste testing is. He knew they were supposed to try it together to pick a cake."
"He’s a pig. Don’t marry a man who will eat all of something that was supposed to be for two." - Myfourcats1
"Not overreacting, and it isn't about the cake. You drove two hours round trip to give him one job that required zero effort, and he managed to make even that about him."
"'Whatever you want' every single time isn't being easygoing, either; it's opting out while leaving you all the work and all the blame if something's wrong." - crookedvessel
"Oh sweetie, so many red flags for such a short post."
"He isn't excited or interested because he truly isn't. It's a chore he has to put up with, but he doesn't actually care about the wedding at all. And he's so selfish he eats all the cake without giving you a chance to even try it."
"When my friend got married, his now-wife did all the hard work. But he was still interested and had input. He loved her, and didn't care if he married her or not, just that they were together."
"Marriage was important to her, so it was important to him. They sat and discussed the important stuff like venue, seating arrangements, cake, DJ or live band, etc. He just didn't care about table decorations or flowers or the small stuff women love, but men don't."
"If your fiancé doesn't even have an interest and just goes 'whatever,' this isn't a wedding. I'm not really sure what it is. But I'm certain you don't want it."
"Please stop thinking with your heart and start thinking with your head. At the moment, you are blinded by love, but really look at him and his attitude and the way he treats you. Is he actually interested in you? Your life, your hobbies, your job, your dreams?"
"Or is he a lump who doesn't care about anything except that his dinner is on the table, the laundry is done, and the house is clean? And sex is available when he's horny? Does he slump on the couch playing X-Box and grunt when you talk to him?"
"'I’m being told I’m being overdramatic since 'it’s just cake.'' ...My dear, it's never just about the cake." - Adelucas
Others thought this was a clear indication of what the OP could expect from their future together.
"God, he's a selfish pig. He ate them for a meal, the id**t."
"AND he put the empty container back in the fridge. Or, as I imagine it, stood with the fridge door open, pigging out, and then closed the container and the door. A crime in and of itself."
"And you want to have this selfishness for all eternity? Good luck with that... NOR." - eclecticaesthetic1
"NOR!! And then he told her she was overreacting. (Shaking my head.)"
"It’s just cake he said! Next it will be, it was just a little harmless flirting. It meant nothing. You’re overreacting again!"
"And next, the guys wanted to go get a few beers after work. We can celebrate your birthday, anniversary, holiday, another time… as he comes crawling in at 6:00 AM the next morning."
"Stop overreacting; it was just blowing off some steam at the bar. I didn’t even look at another woman. While the red lipstick shines on his shirt."
"The selfish jerk didn’t care one little bit that it was something they were supposed to do together. All her life, she will be begging him to notice her, to do things with her, think about her feelings, or think about how what he did makes her feel."
"Help with house, the chores, the kids, etc... The whole time he’ll be telling her SHE’S OVERREACTING!"
"The longer they’re married, he’ll add on to stop nagging him." - Heart_of_Joy
"NOR. Marriage is easier to get into than get out of. If he is a selfish jerk now, it will only get worse. Get out of this now and don't marry him."
"Do you really want kids with him? You will get no help with anything."
"This man is not marriage material." - Skunklvrs
"You're definitely NOR about the cake."
"Think about how y'all divide household responsibilities over a week or month's worth of time. Is the time spent doing these chores and responsibilities about equal? When he is sick, do you pick up his slack, or do those chores wait until he's well again? How about when you're sick?"
"Think about how much free time you have to engage in your hobbies, social time with your friends (not your joint friends, your personal social time without him vs his personal social time without you), relaxation, etc. Do y'all have a near-equal amount of free time to do whatever you choose to do?"
"Lastly, how are the mental responsibilities divided? Who remembers that Mother's Day is soon, and y'all need to buy cards/gifts for your moms? What about birthdays in your family, and is his? Do you know when his mom's birthday is? Does he know when your mom's birthday is? Who decides what gifts to give 'from us' to others for birthdays and whatever winter holiday you might celebrate?"
"Who does the actual shopping and buying? Who plans date nights and/or get-togethers with your mutual friends? Who remembers to make doctor, dental, eye appointments and keeps track of the time and date of these appointments?"
"Who keeps track of usable household products and when more need to be bought, things like toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, OTC and Rx medication refills, sponges, etc..."
"Weddings are beautiful regardless of size or style or budget because two human beings who love each other are promising to be together for eternity. Love is beautiful, but it's not enough, because a long-lasting marriage also needs compatibility."
"If y'all aren't compatible, one or both of you will have resentment, and every little irritating thing (like eating all the cake) will build up alongside allll of the other 'little' things until that inner resentment explodes like a pressure cooker because it can't hold little things anymore..."
"...this is especially true when each of the little things gets zero accountability or apology. That's what causes the inner buildup of little things."
"When there are apologies and accountability and changed behavior, those little things don't get held onto inside; they disappear and float away on a cloud of respect. But if/when the relationship doesn't have a 'cloud of respect' surrounding it, there's nothing to help those little things float away." - Magerimoje
"Go back to the bakery and get another 20 samples, grab your favorite alcoholic beverage and your girlfriends. Then you hang out with them, eating cake and drinking wine while canceling all of your wedding plans and disentangle yourself from this selfish, uninterested, lazy, sorry excuse of a partner."
"Make sure he is on the hook for any deposits that you cannot get back. He should not be able to walk away and leave you responsible for all of the loss if there is any."
"This clueless, greedy guy is showing you exactly who he is, and you need to believe him. He is not going to get better after you are married. He’s going to get more comfortable and secure, and his behavior will get worse." - tamij1313
"It doesn't matter what it is. If this is a pattern of something that's important to you and he refuses to take it seriously because it's not important to him, he's not marriage material. It sounds like that's where you are because none of the planning has been important to him, even though you continue to ask him to be involved."
"I am so sorry, but this is a sign. He's not marriage material."
"Let me say that again: He's not marriage material."
"No one gets to be the decider of what's important to you except you."
"Someone who cares about you and thinks it's silly or stupid might say, 'Wow, I didn't realize you were so invested in this, and it's kind of alarming that you are, but let's talk about it.' Someone might say, 'I honestly didn't think this was that earth-shattering in importance, but if it upset you this much, let me hear you out.' Someone might say, 'This seems dumb to me if I'm being real, but if it's important to you, then it's important to me.'"
"What they don't say is, 'It's just X. You're being dumb, melodramatic, stupid, or irritating. Shut up.'"
"And this is WHILE you're in the honeymoon stage, when you should be the most butterflies-in-love, and everyone's on their best behavior."
"Girl. From the perspective of someone who's been married for 26 years, if this is how he normally treats you, then he's not marriage material."
"NOR, of course. I think you're underreacting."
"My dear friend, I know you might not like the input you're getting today, but I believe you got exactly the input that you needed."
"And the input is this: if I don't care about it, I'm not going to care about it, no matter how much you care about it or how much you ask me to care about you. And honestly, that's way more valuable intel than, 'Should we get the lemon or the raspberry-vanilla?' Act accordingly." - Grump_Curmudgeon
The OP felt reassured by the comments and shared:
"Thank you for this. Replies like this are truly helping me break down the imaginary version of him I had in my head versus who he actually is."
"When I tried to ask him about the samples, he just said, 'All of them were good.'"
"It doesn’t matter anymore now, since there won’t be an event to have cake at anymore. I broke things off."
Fellow Redditors reassured the OP that she was making the right decision.
"I’m so pleased you’re saying the wedding’s off."
"That stupid id**t couldn’t even be bothered to keep up the facade of caring about you until the wedding had actually happened. He was so complacent at having locked you in that he dropped the mask too early."
"I’m so proud of you, internet stranger, for being able to recognise this and act on it, even though I’m sure that’s been really hard." - ginger_lucy
"You are absolutely doing the right thing." - bada**mamabear
"Hey, you have a lot of support out here. You did the right thing. It will be hard dealing with this, but in a few years it’ll be a far removed memory." - CountryCaptain26
"Congratulations! The best decision you could've ever made." - Crazed_Raspberry
"Good. 'Just cake' is the straw that broke the camel's back." - IJustWantToReadThis
"Oh thank god. He’s a selfish prick. Sending love." - strawberryh8ter
"I know it’s hard and confusing now, but I promise you in time you’re going to look back and see this as a pivotal point in your life. You teach others how to treat you by what you’ll accept. Your life is going on a much different and more positive trajectory because of this."
"It’s going to simultaneously feel like forever to get to that point, and then in hindsight just a blip- but you’re going to get there and get to experience so many wonderful things because of it." - nonoglorificus
"You did the right thing. The guy you were in love with never really existed, only in your mind. That really hurts, and you have invested a lot. But now you can stop wasting time, energy, and love on a hopeless relationship."
"Things will get better. You deserve to be respected and loved." - Poekienjin
Many issues during the wedding planning phase can be easily explained away with overhyping a wedding, or the happy couple being a selfish groom or a bridezilla.
But sometimes, issues that arise can illuminate something important about the relationship and what the couple has to look forward to in the future. In the OP's case, it was better to miss out on a tray of cake samples, so she didn't sign up for a life that fell far short of what she deserved.
