Relationships are tough in normal times, let alone during a pandemic.
But a recent story about relationship difficulties on Reddit takes conflict management to a whole new, and frankly disturbing level. A woman, who goes by the username throwramerr, was drugged by her boyfriend so she wouldn't be able to argue with him anymore during a long car trip to another state to self-isolate.
The story appeared in the Relationship Advice subReddit—where people can post their romance-related conundrums—and it had people raising their eyebrows to say the least.
The Original Poster [OP] titled her post:
"My boyfriend (35m[ale]) drugged me (26f[emale]) with Benadryl because we got into an argument before our road trip and he wanted me to sleep the whole time."
She explained:
"Monday we decided to make the 8ish hour drive back to our home state and quarantine there instead for a few months. Right before leaving, we got into a big fight because I wanted to stay at my mother's house for a while, he doesn't want me to, among other things I won't get into."
"Well, before leaving we decided to eat dinner so we didn't have to stop anywhere."
"Fast forward to our drive and not long after hitting the road I passed out. Don't even really remember falling asleep. Woke up one time for a while, drank some Gatorade which he gave me, and then I fell asleep again."
"I thought this was extremely weird because I wasn't tired hardly at all and we didn't even leave super early. I kept commenting on how weird it was that I was tired the whole drive and slept 90% of it."
"Yesterday the tension eased a bit and he made the offhanded comment that he wishes he could drug me more when I 'act out' and argue with him."
"I ask him what he's talking about. Proceeds to tell me he put Benadryl in my drink and that's why I slept, so he didn't have to deal with me."
"He literally said this as though it wasn't that big of a deal!"
"I'm still reeling from the conversation and completely floored. I don't know if I'm overreacting or not but something tells me I'm not, and it's extremely fuc*ed up to put medicine in drinks."
"I don't know what to do."
Luckily, OP's fellow Redditors had plenty to say—and they were unanimous in being horrified.
"Listen, leave now."
"As a woman who has been there and didn't leave when I should have. LEAVE..." --titsmcgee84
"Yes, do what you wanted originally and stay at your mother's for a while. Like until you find a new place on your own."
"Who knows how he might react next when you 'act out?' Children act out. He has zero respect for you." --everypossum
"...That's incredibly unsafe, and abusive. Get out of there." --lolaotus
"Leave him. That is a very big problem. Now he knows how to keep you at bay, he may exploit it for his gain." --Boston_Strong_CQB241
"Seriously, you need to go NOW. Drugging someone is wrong and he could have seriously harmed you. This dude needs to be dumped ASAP, and you need to talk to a doctor and possibly police. You are under reacting if you are still with him." --BadgerHooker
"...If Im not mistaken, what he did to you can also be highly illegal." --Sweetragnarok
"...report him to the police." --Sayale_mad
"Call the police and file a report" --nuclearwomb
"Ummm?? That's terribly messed up. Get out of that relationship now. Don't be around a guy who thinks it's OKAY and WANTS to drug you!!" --throwraconfuzzled
"Like, F'king run away. That is horrendously dangerous and wrong. YOU DESERVE BETTER." --RunnerMomLady
The OP has not provided an update yet, but Redditors are hoping she gets out of the situation as soon as possible.
It seems the lesson here is to always follow your instincts. And if something seems like it's not right... well, it probably isn't.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.