We all know how important it is to feel seen and understood, because we've all experienced how much it hurts when we realize someone special, whether a friend, partner, or family member, hasn't listened to us, paid attention to what we like, and has generally no idea what makes us "us."
It's definitely not worth dating someone like that, agreed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Usual_Duck3836 had been with her boyfriend for almost three years, at which point most couples would know a lot about each other, especially the really important things.
When she realized her boyfriend completely forgot that she had studied for and earned a Master's Degree, the Original Poster (OP) considered breaking up with him, since he could forget such an important detail about her.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for being mad at my boyfriend for forgetting my Master's Degree?"
The OP and her boyfriend had been together for almost three years.
"My boyfriend (22 Male) and I (24 Female) have been together coming up on three years."
"During this time, I was getting a Master's Degree in criminal justice."
"I graduated in May, and he missed it due to falling asleep after his 12-hour night shift."
"We had some issues due to it but moved on from it."
But then the OP discovered how her boyfriend truly felt about her education.
"Last night, we were at dinner, and the topic of my degrees came up again."
"At first, it seemed like he just thought my degree was in Psychology, which is a common misconception, because my Bachelor's Degree is in Psychology."
"I thought it was weird but didn’t immediately get mad. Then it turned out he didn’t even know I had a Master's Degree."
"I immediately got quiet and started crying in the car."
"He asked why I was crying, which led to an argument and him yelling at me and trying to tell me I never in the three years we were together told him I was getting a Master's Degree in Criminal Justice."
"I know that is not true because i will tell anyone who will listen. I am extremely proud of my degrees and the effort I put forth to obtain them."
"I got quiet again and didn’t speak after that."
The OP didn't see a future for their relationship anymore.
"A few hours later, he offered a meek apology for being mean, to which I just said, 'Okay,' and we were silent again."
"This morning, I woke up, and now he is acting like I'm the problem."
"I asked if he wanted to speak, and he said he tried to last night, and I wouldn’t."
"I am getting ready to break up with him but want to know would that mean I am overreacting?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that her boyfriend should absolutely remember her education.
"NOR. Your schooling, your degrees, your hard work, your career, and even your graduation, mean nothing to him."
"They’d mean everything in the world to him if they were his. But because they’re yours, they have no value."
"Let me guess, he doesn’t have the same degrees?"
"You deserve better." - missjulie622
"He probably doesn’t know your middle name or what color your eyes are, either. You can do better…" - Neweleni7
"Ma'am."
"You're not overreacting at all; three years, and he blanks on the degree you were actively working toward the whole time; that's a massive red flag." - No_Independence350
"As my comment history attests, I regularly note my partner is a judge (even when it isn’t strictly necessary), and I know her undergraduate degree, law school, and year she graduated."
"That’s because I’m incredibly proud of her. Please find a guy who is proud of you and not intimidated by your accomplishments!" - J_ByronWhizzerWhite
"Unless he has some sort of memory or medical issue, I worry he is doing this on purpose. He doesn’t like the idea of you being highly educated because it’s probably intimidating or emasculating to him."
"I’m a female physician, and my friends and I get this constantly, men forgetting we are physicians, thinking we are nurses, thinking med school is for nursing, thinking doctor means nurse practitioner, trying to diminish or omit our credentials and educations in every way possible." - Majestic_Arachnid600
"I feel like this is his way of trying to diminish what you've accomplished, by ignoring and forgetting that it exists."
"…this is 'the humbling.' Does he call you arrogant when you’re simply certain, or brings up everything you don’t know whenever you mention something you’ve earned?"
"Over time, have you start editing yourself to avoid being cut down? There is a difference between someone who challenges your thinking and someone who makes you ashamed of your strengths."
"You can be accomplished, confident, and still have things to learn; none of that requires you to become smaller or accept his toddler behavior." - JediOfDegobah
"Do you want this person to be your emergency contact if you're in the hospital? To be the one you look to for support on the worst day of your life?" - Impressive-Owl-5478
An important side conversation took place in the comments, including the OP, about being raised to expect certain standards.
"Girl… my dad filled out the paperwork for ALL SIX of his children’s military IDs. According to our IDs, we all have black hair and black eyes."
"Except every single one of us has medium brown hair and very light brown eyes. If we ever went missing, he wouldn’t even be able to give cops an accurate description. That’s the kind of father your man’s gonna grow into."
"I don’t talk to my dad anymore. He couldn’t give less s**ts about me. If I was important to him, he would know the literal colors of my hair and eyes." - vodkalatte
"I think this one got me the most. My dad is the same, and I never wanted to have my future children to go through the same." - Usual_Duck3836
"So you spent your whole life accustomed to this sort of treatment, and now you’re with a man who acts the same way."
"I’m so sorry, dude. I know firsthand how hard it is to break out of that cycle."
"The man I’m with now remembers more things about me than I do sometimes! It’s been five years, and he proudly tells people he has a bachelor's degree in '[my name] studies.' He says he working on his master’s now, LOL."
"I was with a man like your boyfriend for five years. It felt so difficult to leave because I’d already spent so much of my life with him. But eventually I realized that it would end one way or another, it was going to blow up in my face in five, 10, maybe even 50 years."
"Please, please don’t waste more of your life on this man!!"
"My boyfriend now is my biggest cheerleader! I want that for you, too." - vodkalatte
"My dad doesn't respond to Dad. Not just for his step kids, but for his bio kids too."
"He spelled my (dead)name wrong a couple months ago (it's the only thing he's ever called me), and he's known me for TWENTY FOUR YEARS."
"You already spent half your life with a man like that. Don't give yourself a life sentence of it, too." - justnegateit
"This just reminded me: I went with my Dad when he had to fill out paperwork for an ID for me, and he got to eye color and literally had to look me in the eyes to find out what color they were. And he was surprised to see they're green. I think I was 10?"
"I can't even imagine not knowing my children's eye colors for the first 10 years of their lives."
"And then I married a man who, after we were married for 20 years, while he could remember the order of songs on a mixtape he made when he was 15, he couldn't remember my eye color, either."
"Mind you, he was 45 at that point. So he could remember the exact order of songs on a 35-year-old mixtape, but not his wife's eye color."
"No wonder I'm just done with men. The past three years of being single have been the best of my life." - MuchTooBusy
After receiving feedback, the OP clearly felt validated by the responses, as she simply updated:
"We broke up."
The subReddit was disgusted on the OP's behalf that she'd spent three years of her life with someone who wanted to make her smaller. They'd likely be really relieved to read her update, as she was now open to move on to greater things.
If he was feeling threatened by all she was accomplishing that he wasn't, there were far more productive solutions to make himself feel better than to tear the woman he's supposed to love down.
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