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Redditor Asks If It’s Wrong To Skip Sister’s Wedding To Attend Their Own PhD Graduation

Graduates receiving their diplomas
Lacheev/Getty Images

Our lives are full of important moments and milestones, and it’s important to celebrate these big moments with the people that we love.

But sometimes, people seem to try to steal the spotlight from each other, cringed the folks in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor OneWordApathy knew far in advance when they would be graduating with their doctoral degree and receiving their diploma, and their family planned to attend to show their support.

But when their sister decided she wanted to use the same date for her wedding, the Original Poster (OP) felt conflicted about which event to attend and was heartbroken that they would not be with people they loved while celebrating such a major achievement.

They asked the sub:

“AITAH if I choose to attend my PhD graduation instead of my sister’s wedding?”

The OP felt conflicted when their sister planned her wedding for the same day as their doctoral graduation.

“I’m graduating from my PhD program in the spring. I’ve been picturing this day for the last 4 years and already had so many ideas for how I would celebrate in my head.”

“My sister just told me that she had planned her wedding for the same day as my graduation. She is not willing to choose a different date as the numerology is what she’s after.”

“I just feel weird about the whole thing as she seems to have planned her wedding on a whim, but still expects me to change my celebration plans for hers.”

The OP tried to make the best of the situation, but their sister refused to compromise.

“Here are a couple of things to consider:”

“My graduation is out of state, so it’s not like I could walk and then still make it to the wedding.”

“I spent time and money to get ordained specifically so I could officiate her wedding, but she has decided she doesn’t want that and has chosen to go to the courthouse instead.”

“Her wedding is not extravagant, just the courthouse and then dinner with the immediate family.”

“My own six-year wedding anniversary is only two days after her planned wedding date. This irks my husband, but I get it, we don’t own the calendar.”

“I’ve offered to plan her bachelorette party, and bridal shower, and help her with anything she needs wedding planning-wise, but she is not interested. She already planned and paid for her own bachelorette party.”

The OP knew the family would be as conflicted as they were about the situation.

“My family was planning on attending my graduation as well, but if I choose to walk then they will be put in the awkward position of choosing which event to attend.”

“My first instinct was that of course I’ll be there for my sister, but her behavior is making it seem like she doesn’t really care whether I’m there or not. I haven’t made any travel plans yet, but I’m trying to consider what would be best?”

“Thanks for your thoughts, Reddit community.”

“AITAH?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some urged the OP to celebrate their accomplishment and go to their graduation. 

“NTA.”

“You already had plans set in stone that couldn’t be changed. Not many people get a PhD, and even fewer get more than one.”

“I would go to my PhD graduation, especially since she is just doing a courthouse wedding and a small dinner.”

“While I am sure it will p**s her off, she will get over it. You could always show up very late, as soon as you are done with your graduation celebration, and you can make it up to her with a nice gift. Or you could host a next-day brunch so you can still celebrate. No matter what, NTA.” – Necessary-Stage5044

“OP’s PhD is forever and hard-earned. Numerology weddings are a gamble…” – Altruistic-Text3481

“Even fewer people get multiple PhDs so it’s unlikely for the sister to make the same argument. Weddings are a dime a dozen, and it really does seem like she scheduled hers on purpose to overshadow her sister’s impressive achievement.”

“NTA.”

“Oh and by the way, it’s not even a wedding! She’s going to the courthouse, then dinner. Ridiculous. If I were their brother, I’d go to my sibling’s graduation, not my sister’s probably-shotgun wedding.” – Half_Life976

“I got my PhD and it was the biggest accomplishment of my life. None of my siblings came to watch me walk because it was Mother’s Day weekend (my parents came) or my graduation party (a week before Christmas), and I will forever be a little sad about that because this was a once-in-a-lifetime event that I worked hard for six years to accomplish.”

“While weddings are also a once-in-a-lifetime event that’s shared with your partner, my PhD graduation was the thing that I did.”

“NTA. I hope you go to your graduation. It’s worth it. Congratulations!”

“From, Someone who has been there, PhD.” – RepublicOk6538

“I wish sometimes that there was a laugh emoji on here. I laughed out loud when I read this.”

“OP, please attend your graduation and walk. I wanted to walk when I graduated with my bachelor’s and didn’t because of something similar. I regret I did that.”

“You got ordained for her, and she pushed you to the side. My first thought was she is trying to outdo you.”

“NTA. Walk at your graduation. Congratulations!” – MountainAsparagus139

Others agreed and also theorized that the sister chose her wedding date on purpose.

“I can’t help wondering if the ‘numerology’ thing is just a bulls**t excuse to make a power play or loyalty test to see who’ll show up for the sister instead of OP.”

“Surely, there are other dates besides OP’s graduation that could satisfy her numerology thing, if it’s even something she really cares about.”

“I think it’s a setup to hurt the OP. The OP should really put themselves first for this one.” – TheRealCarpeFelis

“Based on the OP’s sister being the kind of person who plans a more last-minute wedding, even knowing that their sibling has an important life milestone going on that day, my impulse would be to lean into numerology…”

“If she’s so interested in numbers, she better also understand averages and percentages, too. I’d just tell her, ‘It’s fine, I’ll just be at the next one.’ NTA.” – SweetFrostedJesus

“The second I saw the numerology mention, it was NTA. Some people, man.”

“And even aside from that, the graduation date for a PhD program isn’t scheduled at the last minute. OP’s major life event was known about well in advance.” – mmmmpisghetti

“I’d also explain that to the parents who originally planned on going to OP’s graduation, ‘Mom and Dad, it’s not a whole big shindig wedding; it’s a small courthouse (almost like eloping) ceremony!'”

“If the parents went to the graduation, maybe then the sister would change her wedding date. There are many numbers that would add up to whatever number she is after.”

“If you want loved ones at your graduation, explain it to them this way. If she’s so insistent about this date, she can have her wedding date solo and maybe have a dinner or party with loved ones to celebrate on another date.” – GardenSafe8519

“Main character syndrome. She clearly wants the spotlight on her and wants to take it off her sister for spite.”

“It honestly makes me wonder if the sister planned it out this way on purpose. Not only did she pick a date that conflicted with her sister’s PhD ceremony (which is a HUGE deal), but she also chose a date near her sister’s own wedding anniversary date. Too big of a coincidence.” – MollysBlooms

“It feels like she is creating drama. Especially because she is going back on all the plans you were involved in… to no longer have you helping. And it goes without saying but planning on the same day come on…”

“It’s almost like she’s wanting you to decide your graduation day and have the family in conflict and if anyone chooses you then she can have a pity party! What the heck?! Why in the world is this girl being so selfish?!”

“I would ask your sister to choose another day!!! Who cares about the numbers?! Makes this about you! Ask her to be there for you. Tell her it’s selfish to do it this way. You are the one who should be hurting. Don’t let her make this about her. She knows damn well what this means to you!” – MidnightSunCo

After receiving feedback, the OP shared their decision.

“Thank you all for the replies. It seems the overall consensus is that I should go to my graduation!”

“For those who asked, I will be receiving a doctorate in clinical nutrition. An interesting fact you all made me think about is that 0.8 percent of Americans graduate with a clinical doctorate, while 48 percent of Americans get married! And not to jinx my sister, but let’s not get into how many Americans go on to get divorced…”

“I’m proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished, and I love what I do, so I’m glad to hear so many of you want me to put myself first for this.”

While weddings are important and hopefully a once-in-a-lifetime event, earning a doctoral degree is rare and important, as well, and these achievements should be just as celebrated as marriages, if not even more so.

No matter what, the OP should absolutely attend their ceremony, and hopefully their family would show them support. If enough family gathered around the OP, maybe the sister would take a hint and move her wedding to another numerologically-important date.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.