There are few things more uncomfortable than dining out with someone who badmouths the service staff.
Sometimes they say things directly to the server, leaving fellow diners stuck cringing and squirming. But other times, things are said when the server has walked away.
Either way, it can be uncomfortable.
A Redditor encountered just that situation recently. But when he attempted to intervene, things became even more problematic.
He explained the entire incident in a post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), who has since deleted his username on the site, entitled his post with a clear summation of where things went downhill.
“AITA for pointing out to my girlfriend that she is overweight?”
OP began his story on the defensive.
“Before you sh*t yourself, calm down and hear me out.”
“I’ve been with my girl for 2 years now, and known her for 3. And since I’ve known her, she’s had a really bad habit of making fun of people. Mostly behind closed doors, but sometimes in front of them.
“Now I’m all for edgy humor, I actually like it. But there’s a difference between making jokes and being a bi***. I always tell her to chill, but she never listens.”
That all came to a head in a recent outing.
“Well this past weekend, we went out to eat at a local place, and our waitress was a bit on the heavy side. Not fat by any means, but a bit chubby. All things considered, she looked good. About an 8/10 without makeup, and she was being really nice to us.”
“We ordered, and when she walked away, my girlfriend started making fun of her weight. The girl looked back at us, then kept walking. I told my girl that the waitress heard her and she said she didn’t care.”
But OP’s girlfriend pressed on.
“She’s still cracking jokes as the waitress comes back with the drinks, and it’s obvious she’s holding back tears. My girl is just giggling and staring at her.”
“I got mad and said ‘Why are you laughing? She’s thinner than you.'”
“She got up and walked out to the car. I paid for the food which wasn’t even ready, left a $20 tip, apologized to the waitress, and we left.”
“She didn’t say a word on the way home.”
And the anger persisted.
“Since then, every time she speaks to me, she starts out by asking me to apologize. She just texted me (6am my time) asking when I was going to apologize for what I said.”
“It’s starting to get annoying.”
OP was left considering just how guilty he ought to feel.
“My brother and my dad said that I was too harsh, especially since we were in public. But I don’t think so. Girlfriend or not, if she can’t take the same sh** she puts out, then she needs to close her f***ing mouth.”
“I’ve warned her to stop picking on people, but she didn’t listen. The only way she’s getting an apology from me is if she gives one to the waitress.”
“If she can’t do that, then she needs to stop bringing this up. It’s that simple, and I’m sticking to that.”
“So what’s up, AITA this time? Because if I am, I’m not seeing it.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked to provide feedback by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors felt OP’s girlfriend was definitely in the wrong, but were quick to say OP definitely screwed up in his own right.
“ESH. Please stay together because you both are shi**y people and deserve each other. Or learn to treat people like PEOPLE, both of you.” — Spiritual_Feather
“ESH. She’s a bully that’s clear, but you sound like one yourself. From your many weight descriptions and ranking women’s bodies, as well as how you’ve responded in the comments, you seem to be okay with some forms of bullying, but conveniently not others.” — chivette44
“”ESH. Your partner is just not nice. Your treatment of the situation was great, but the way you rate how the waitress looks?”
“That makes me wonder if your partner was lashing out because you might have a tendency of checking out other women when you’re with her, so she’s doubly insecure.” — Marabomarabo
“ESH. Your girlfriend for being a bully and you for this line ‘About an 8/10 without makeup.'”
“Seriously. Only a**holes rate women on their appearance like that. Grow up. Obviously, your girlfriend needs to grow up too. You two seem good for each other.” — Niveker14
Many people advised rethinking the relationship altogether.
“NTA: Why are you dating someone so insecure that she needs to tear others down to feel ok? You sound like you don’t even particularly like your GF that much and I don’t blame you.”
“Apologize…for not breaking up with her sooner.” — NorthernLitUp
“Dude… who dates someone this horrible for this long? Either you are just as mean and won’t admit it, or you don’t think very highly of yourself.”
“If you don’t demand change or break up with her, she’s going to keep being this disgusting. Who mocks people behind their back like that? Who puts up with someone talking sh** about others for THREE YEARS?!?” — Kindly_Candle9809
“ESH – You both sound like miserable people. The fact that you tolerate each other isn’t a good reason to stay together.” — RD2BE713
A good amount of Redditors, however, did voice their support for OP.
They called out his girlfriend as the primary issue.
“NTA, please break up with that fat phobic, inconsiderate bully, go back to the restaurant and ask the waitress out on a date.” — snow_whiteish
“NTA You actually did NOT call GF fat. You tore down your GF’s scale of what GF perceives as fat.”
“The true problem is that GF thinks she is being cute, clever, funny but is really cruel, judgmental, horrid.”
“You are kind-hearted. I think you should have a good think about whether this is they type of person you want to be with, and if you have gotten more serious, if you want her to mother any of your future children.” — MonikerSchmoniker
“NTA, there’s a place in hell for those who pick on public-facing staff to upset them as they can’t defend themselves. Well done.”
“One of my red lines in relationships is that you can tell a lot about a persons character from how they treat waiting staff – if they mistreat them, I lose interest.” — CarpeCyprinidae
“NTA. Your girlfriend is insecure, probably a bit intimidated by the waitress and tbh not a really good person. If you can dish it you can take it.”
“You apologizing if she goes back and apologizes to the waitress is the perfect approach.” — OnATrainTo
As for next steps, the Reddit responses left OP with a variety of possible approaches. What is clear, however, is that OP and his girlfriend have a lot to talk about.