Making plans, especially when it involves going to another country, is meant to be a fun occasion.
But when the trip involves someone you don’t trust or know well, it can put a real damper on the excitement, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor AITA_cancelledtrip wasn’t sure what to think after their boyfriend changed their trip to France from a “romantic getaway” to a “third-wheel” situation.
But when he called them manipulative for making him “choose,” the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were overthinking it.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to go on vacation with my boyfriend because he invited his friend without telling me?”
The OP was excited to go on a trip with their boyfriend.
“In a couple of weeks, my boyfriend and I have planned to go to France for a couple of days as a ‘romantic getaway.’ His own words, not mine.”
“He said it was just to spend some quality time together because we’ve both been busy with work.”
But then the boyfriend changed the plans.
“I was excited about the trip and spending some quality time with my boyfriend, but then he dropped a bombshell on me.”
“He invited one of his friends because, apparently, he’s always wanted to see France, so my boyfriend thought he would be kind and asked his friend to come along.”
“This was a big shock to me, and I told my boyfriend about my concerns.”
“He told me that his friend has already paid for his flight ticket, and he said that he was planning on either changing our hotel room to a room with two beds, or his friend could sleep on the sofa.”
“He did all of this without telling me a thing.”
The OP wasn’t so sure about the trip anymore.
“I told my boyfriend that, quite frankly, I don’t want his friend to come and it was supposed to be a romantic getaway.”
“He said that his friend wouldn’t bother us and he’ll do his own thing, but I don’t know, I just don’t feel comfortable with it.”
“We argued for a bit more with him saying that he paid for most of the trip so he feels entitled to be able to bring his friend along.”
“In the end, I just got so fed up, and I may be a bit dramatic, but I felt betrayed, so I told him I wouldn’t be coming if his friend was.”
The OP’s boyfriend lashed out.
“He said I was being ridiculous and I should go since it’s been paid for anyway.”
“He said I was being overly dramatic, but this is how I feel.”
“And he said I was being manipulative and cruel for making him choose between me and his friend.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some scoffed that the boyfriend clearly didn’t know what a romantic getaway was.
“NTA. One does not simply have a ‘romantic getaway’ when there is a third wheel coming along.”
“This isn’t you and your BFF (Best Friend Forever) going traveling. This is the person you have sex with… going to a place many people think is synonymous with romance.”
“Your BF (boyfriend) wants his friend to sleep on the sofa or another bed in the same room? In what world would this be even remotely a good idea?”
“WTF (What the F**k) is wrong with your BF?”
“Is your BF that clueless, or does he want a threesome? Well, now he can just go with his buddy.” – YouthNAsia63
“I don’t get this guy. Personally, I have a kid, tons of friends (too f**king many), and a wife. If I get any godd**n moment for just us two, I take it without hesitation.”
“And no, I don’t give a s**t if your dream is to see France, figure it out on your own godd**n dime, I wanna be bucka** naked with my wife in my hotel every d**n second I can. Not a single friend of mine will take that away.” – Calm-Reference-4046
“Seriously. What is he thinking?? I am divorced and my kids are with me 100% of the time, and I have a very fun boyfriend who is a widow with three kids, so neither of us has time between the total of five kids we have.”
“He strips down any time we go on vacay, lol (laughing out loud), it’s the funniest thing. He will dash outside at midnight naked just to check if he put the fire out.”
“Whenever we plan a weekend or even a night at home with our kids at the grandparents’ house or with a babysitter, I ask him, ‘Where do you feel comfortable being naked the whole time, ’cause that’s all we’re doing.'” – Beyond_Interesting
“NTA. How is it a romantic getaway if there is someone else snoring in the next bed/sofa…????” – residentcaprice
“I don’t get how his friend won’t bother them sleeping in the same room. Plus, no guarantee, but with romantic getaways, most people would assume certain things to take place in the bedroom.”
“The boyfriend basically just c**k-blocked himself, unless that’s why he invited his friend.” – SA-BoardGames
“How can you have a ‘romantic getaway’ with someone in the same room? A romantic getaway should have some sex unless the couple doesn’t prefer it. But most do.” – rustblooms
“NTA. He unilaterally changed the trip. You are entitled to decide you no longer wish to go.”
“And I really hope he isn’t expecting you to be comfortable sharing a bed with him with someone else five feet away.” – morgaine125
Others were concerned the boyfriend had ulterior motives for inviting his friend along.
“It’s imagined to be a romantic getaway if you want a threesome with your partner and best friend.”
“Not that I really suspect that, but on the other hand, it’s such a totally bizarre thing to do in the first place that I can’t even.” – jennyther
“Was he going to offer you up to his friend because his friend hasn’t had sex lately, and it would be a good idea for you to show him a good time?” – dhbroo12
“How exactly is any romance supposed to occur in a room with two beds or a room with a couch? The friend will be right there, so he wants his girlfriend to be naked/sexing or comfortable in her bed gear in a room with his buddy. Sounds like he’s angling for a threesome.” – WikkidWitchly
“Poor guy was just looking for a romantic place to propose the polyamorous bisexuality relationship he’s been wanting all these years (I can make this joke I’m a poly-bisexual).” – BringTheSpain
“Honestly, I was worried about something worse than a threesome. I mean, he invites her to a romantic vacation, then behind her back, he invites another guy along, and the guy’s going to stay in the same room?!”
“That’s no longer romantic. If I was OP, I’d be considering how long I’ve known BF and how much I trust him, how long I’ve known his friend, and how comfortable I felt around him. BF’s giving me creepy vibes with his ‘entitled to bring a friend’ on a romantic vacation.” – Feather575
Some urged the OP to change their trip plans… and their relationship plans.
“He doesn’t respect her autonomy. If I were her, I’d go, sleep on the couch, and take all the time to be by myself.”
“It’s unbelievable that he’d assume ‘sharing a room with bestie’ is compatible with ‘romantic getaway with partner.’ The dude is an AH.”
“NTA, OP.” – Dimension597
“NTA. She should keep walking. He’s told her who he is, and she should believe it the first time.” – Equal-Departure-9435
“OP, the fact that he’s justifying his disrespect towards you with a, ‘I’m entitled to do what I want, not respecting you, because I paid more,’ is a huge red flag.”
“Is he always like that? Demanding things from you because ‘he paid for it’? Forcing his wishes and ignoring your comfort?”
“NTA, but it is time to think about this relationship and where it is going… (you to a better relationship and away from this A-H, him to his romantic weekend with his friend).” – Commercial-Loan-929
“I’d get a different hotel if I could afford it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t go. She didn’t agree to share a room with the friend.” – JenniferJuniper6
“Don’t go. Instead, plan a fun weekend with your girl pals, dress up for revenge, and have a blast.”
“Also, please rethink this relationship since he’s using words like manipulation for just your disappointment, and that is hypocritical, given the fact that he was the one being manipulative and also entitled.” – notimefordumbfu_ks
“OP’s boyfriend said his friend will just be doing his own thing anyways, which reinforces the question of why he’s going with them.”
“With that said, if I was OP, I’d take the free flight and accommodations but make my own individual plans for when we arrive. I wouldn’t tell her boyfriend, either. He would also be an ex by the time we got back.” – PennyArena
Not only was the subReddit confused about why a boyfriend would give up his romantic getaway with his partner, but also how he could possibly think that this second idea was somehow better than the initial one.
But more were concerned about any ulterior motives that the boyfriend and his best friend might have, even if it was as simple as the boyfriend attempting to put his partner in their place: firmly behind his Best Friend Forever.