Most of us would probably love it if we could go through our whole lives without revealing to a partner how our body works.
But unfortunately, that’s not a reality most of us get to enjoy.
Quite the contrary for one woman, whose boyfriend actually yelled at her after she had a small accident in their bed on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor kittensonmylap explained that her boyfriend reacted out of anger, as well as ignorance of what’s involved in a woman’s menstruation cycle.
But the Original Poster (OP) later wondered if she was wrong for being upset with his reaction:
“AITA for blowing up at my boyfriend ‘just because he was ignorant’ (his words)?”
The OP wasn’t expecting her boyfriend’s reaction.
“I’ll try to keep this short. I (19[female]) slept over at my boyfriend’s (23[male]) place, and I unexpectedly got my period during the night (irregular cycle).”
“He freaked out. I was embarrassed, and offered to wash the sheets. He wasn’t having any of it, and basically told me I must be irresponsible and disgusting, yelling the whole time.”
“At that point, I got annoyed too, and told him he was acting like a real a**hole.”
The OP’s boyfriend wanted to keep arguing about it and defending his behavior.
“I went to take a quick shower and was about to go home when he stopped me to continue the argument.”
“I explained to him that I can’t control when they happen, that they can be irregular as h**l, and that they’re not that gross (he was talking about throwing away the sheets, the stain wasn’t even that big and I put them in the washer before I showered).”
“He told me that he didn’t know those things, and that I’m unreasonable for being mad at him for just a misunderstanding, and that he couldn’t have known since they didn’t teach him that in school.”
The OP wasn’t sure after that if she was in the wrong.
“Obviously, I’m not mad at him for not knowing, I’m mad at him for assuming he knew better and reacting by yelling at me.”
“He’s mad because… I’m mad, and he thinks I can’t be mad about ignorance, since it’s not his fault.”
“I apologized for calling him an a**hole, but he doesn’t want to apologize for yelling.”
“AITA? I only want him to apologize for yelling.”
Fellow Redditors wrote in, anonymously rating the situation on the following scale:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the OP’s boyfriend is 23 and should know something about periods by now.
“Dude’s 23. The internet exists. If he is still ignorant, it’s by his choice.” – kylynara
“I was going to say, there’s this thing called the internet; ignorance regarding menstruation is no longer excusable.” – cake_agent2101
“My husband didn’t have much sex-ed but he educated himself, because he’s straight and he reasoned that it was something that he should know, since he wanted to date women and eventually have a family.” – Pame_in_reddit
Others agreed and said she should not have apologized for a natural, uncontrollable bodily function.
“Yeah like if my partner started bleeding out of nowhere in the middle of the night, I would be more worried for their well-being, not a set of sheets I can pretreat and wash since leaking can be a bit embarrassing.”
“And seriously, he’s 23 years old. By now he should know that sometimes periods can be irregular. But based on his attitude, I’m assuming anything that doesn’t affect him he doesn’t bother learning. I’d kick his behind to the curb.” – Charlotte_Rose1993
“NTA NTA NTA AND YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE APOLOGIZED FOR SOMETHING YOU HAVE ZERO CONTROL OVER.”
“Okay let’s take a minute and say they continue dating and end up getting married and decide to have a child, WTF IS HE GONNA DO WHEN A BABY COMES OUT OF HER HOLE COVERED IN BLOOD AND FLUID AND SHE POSSIBLY S**TS HERSELF???”
“Guys need to grow TF up.”
“My husband has sharted in our bed. Woke me up and told me to get up so he could change the sheets. I got up, he threw them in the wash. We put clean sheets on and went back to sleep. Simple as that.”
“When we had kids they peed on us, pooped on us, threw up on us, I had a lady diaper and I was ‘blessed’ to have 2 c-sections so my husband saw my actual insides, and he did not complain or freak out once.”
“I also have endometriosis so my periods could be WICKED and he not once made me feel bad if I had an accident. This guy needs to apologize to you and grow up.” – lyricallycharmed
“One if my favorite memories with my boyfriend was on this awful vacation where he had the stomach flu. At 3am, he gently shook me awake and said,”
“‘Dear, I’m about to say something nobody ever wants to say. I just s**t the bed.'”
“Had that bed stripped and the sheets in the tub within 30 seconds, cracked some jokes, was back asleep in 5.”
“Two days later he was reading Harry Potter to me while I simultaneously hurled and whizzed the bed.”
“Humans are gross, and it doesn’t get less gross as time goes on. This guy needs a wakeup call.” – Neurotic_Bakeder
“I think a guy that reacts like OP’s boyfriend just want a fantasy, not a real human partner and are upset that women are not magical, mystical creatures. OP shattered his fantasy.” – HowIsThatMyProblem
A few also said the boyfriend would not be a good long-term partner after reacting this way.
“Seriously, I hope this guy never plans to have kids. One time, my husband started changing the baby’s poopy diaper, and apparently, the little guy wasn’t finished because he s**t right into my husband’s hand.”
“I’ve come to realize that there’s a lot of literal shit that goes with being an adult. OP’s bf is a child.” – regina_mortis
“Hahaha, I literally just wrote that even s**tting the bed shouldn’t get that reaction from someone! I mean come on, nothing will bring a couple closer than a shared stomach flu or simultaneous food poisoning.”
“Imagine when his kid’s diaper leaks all over everything, the kid barfs on him (oh the joy of baby barf), or better yet, he has a kid and the mom is sitting there in a mesh diaper bleeding and leaking from her cracked nipples. What then, he’ll drop kick her? What an a**” – Nomada88
“NTA- but those are some HUGE red flags. Apologizing will tell him he is right to go screaming about his assumption.”
“You need to sit with him and have a calm, rational conversation about what you are mad about and how he could have acted differently, and if he is unwilling or incapable of doing so then the relationship is probably doomed.” – Ennah_Schemer
Though our bodies do some pretty off-putting things, that doesn’t mean what’s occurring isn’t natural. It’s also out of our control, no matter how much we might wish to control it.
Having a partner who can recognize these truths is important. Anyone who thinks these functions are gross or have a judgmental, adverse reaction to them may very well be a red flag.