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Woman Balks After Boyfriend Shames Her For Wearing ‘Revealing’ Sports Bra Around His Friends

woman wearing sports bra in kitchen
gpointstudio/Getty Images

Athleisure—casual, comfortable clothing designed to be suitable both for exercise and everyday wear—as a niche has exploded in the last decade.

The term was added to the dictionary in 2015 as clothing labels were created or expanded to meet consumer demand.

However not everyone is on board for workout wear being worn outside the gym.

Athleisure is rarely baggy sweatpants and oversized t-shirts.

The clothes are tight, revealing the human form. And what was once worn only under other clothing—sports bras—are now on full display.

A woman and her boyfriend differed on the appropriateness of wearing athleisure around the house, in front of visitors. After an argument ensued, the woman turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Throw-away7154 asked:

“AITA for what I wore in front of my boyfriend’s friends?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“Two days ago my (21, female) boyfriend (23, male) had his friends over, I knew they were coming since he’d told me the night before.”

“It was really warm (surprisingly) and all I was wearing was a sports bra (sort of low cut?) and kinda tight shorts.”

“I sat on the couch next to my boyfriend for a little while, whilst they played some game on the tv and then I went to get some lunch.”

“By the time I was finished eating they had left and my boyfriend completely blew up at me.”

“He said I was dressed like that for attention, I made all his friends stare at me, I knew what I was doing and that I should have covered up as soon as I saw them.”

“He stormed out and since he came home he’s barely spoken to me.”


“Should I have worn something less revealing?”

The OP summed up their conundrum.

“I wore revealing clothes in front of my boyfriend’s friends. I might be the a**hole because I made my boyfriend really annoyed by doing that.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole, but…

“It sounds like you guys have different feelings about modesty. Personally neither me nor my partner would care about visible skin.”

“His family, however, is very active in their respective church communities ananI can tell that sometimes my visible mid-drift or bra only outfits make them a little uncomfortable… I’m breast feeding right now so it legitimately is just easier for me.”

“I can tell they don’t want to make me uncomfy with their discomfort though. We just try to do our best to GET comfortable because we want to all be happy together.”

“I think you guys should have a very honest discussion about how you both feel about modesty in the home and in public.” ~ junifersmomi

“This is the most rational comment I’ve read so far. OP and her partner need to sit down and have a conversation/try to find middle ground.”

“This might be something they fundamentally disagree on and it’s better to hash it out now rather than later. Especially if either of them thinks it’s break up worthy.” ~ vainbuthonest

“This, plus it’s important that you develop good communication when it comes to conflict so you can productively resolve disputes. For me, personally, being blown up at would not be acceptable.”

“Now is the time for figuring out whether they can have calm discussions about their feelings and boundaries, or if it’s going to be yelling anytime there’s an issue.” ~ mr_trick

Many felt a discussion was needed so expectations could be established and agreed upon.

“Everyone here is expressing their PERSONAL views on the topic on OP. She’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t.”

“At the end of the day, this is a COUPLE problem, not an OP problem. They need to have a CALM discussion about their personal boundaries regarding respect. For me it’s ESH, for not communicating appropriately.” ~ Solid_Ad_4911

“This is the most reasonable response. It’s okay for OP to want to dress the way she wants and it’s okay for him to feel uncomfortable when she’s half naked in front of company.”

“When there are attractive half naked bodies around, people look. If his friends were immature a**holes to him later then he needs to take that up with his friends.”

“But it’s also okay for him to be uncomfortable (he should tell her calmly) and it’s okay for OP to disagree.”

“I’m a woman who doesn’t like being told what to do but I also wouldn’t dress half naked in front of company. To each their own, but you two need to get on the same page.” ~ Interesting-Handle-6

“I agree that they should have a conversation. She wasn’t ‘half naked’ though, as you just said three times.”

“She was wearing an entire outfit. From her description, she was wearing something that many people would wear in public without a second thought.” ~ amphibian111

“Much agreed. I have a preference in the way I like to dress…..BUT I’m also married and have to realize that we are a unit in our home.”

“Also, if my husband was walking around with plumbers crack and beer gut out, I’d also be annoyed.” ~ U_PassButter

“Agree, and would add that dressing in alignment with a group is part of the issue.”

“I didn’t see any comments about what OP’s boyfriend and his friends were wearing: if they were in tank tops and shorts, then gf was dressed in alignment with the group.”

“If they were in pants and long-sleeved shirts, she wasn’t.” ~ RasaWhite

However while communicating was recommended, some weren’t giving OP’s boyfriend a free pass on his knee-jerk reaction.

“I think the first honest discussion should be about how he jumps to conclusions and attacks her rather than having a mature conversation with her where he respectfully raises his preferences.” ~ giggity_giggity

“It seems like the people on both sides only want to gaslight the other about how there is only one correct way to be, and if you don’t agree, there is something wrong with you! But that isn’t the case, is it?”

“There seems to be a mix of cultural differences, lack of communication, and perceived disrespect at play here.”

“The best way forward is to :

  • acknowledge that there has been an issue,
  • call for a calm discussion when everyone is ready,
  • listen to one another’s opinions and priorities with interest, and then
  • decide if there is middle ground where you each compromise a bit but still feel mutually respected.”

“Sometimes relationships need rules (eg, maybe next time he speaks up instead of stewing in silent rage? Or, if you could feel his friends’ eyes caressing your every curve, just maybe grab something less distracting for them?)”

“If not, you express regrets that there are irreconcilable differences and part ways gracefully.” ~ alcibiades27

“A discussion is a reasonable suggestion, but when boyfriend’s response was to say OP is attention seeking, you can’t ask her to be reasonable…” ~ xungstenio

“OP’s boyfriend was wrong in his approach and I hope that they can have a decent discussion and he can apologize after he has calmed down.”

“Instead of her being closed off and rejecting what he is saying, I hope that she can be open and attempt to see his side.”

“I hope they are both able to come to a compromise for what best works for them.” ~ Libby1244

“While I do agree in this situation OP most likely is NTA. People almost always default to complete independent autonomy in situations where that isn’t an entirely appropriate approach.”

“The real issue in this situation is that the boyfriend is still too hot under the collar to have a conversation about this.

“But it’s an opportunity to figure out what each other’s boundaries and ideas about what is and isn’t appropriate behavior are.”

“You may find out that you just aren’t as compatible as you thought, and that’s fine, too. Both of these two are very young, lot of time to explore other potential partners.” ~ CAJ16

“Are those boundaries and compromises usually set by yelling?”

“Because in no case would I take someone seriously if they lash at me for something they haven’t ever mentioned.” ~ suspiciousgraph

“Boundaries and comprises are made through communication. If you have a boundary, but don’t communicate it, you have no right yelling at a person breaking said boundary.” ~ Primerius

“If you can wear it to the gym, then you can wear it at home.”

“It’s one thing if the boyfriend is just uncomfortable, but he needs to communicate that in a way that isn’t red flag central. She did nothing wrong, and her boyfriend needs to learn how to control his emotions point blank.” ~ scraftii

“Obviously, there’s enough discussion here to say that (given the split opinions) there’s reason for her to have believed that what she was wearing was just fine.”

“Personally, I fall into this camp.”

“If boyfriend wanted her to put on a shirt, he could’ve said something. Nicely. At the time, not after the fact.”

“Unless, of course, he was afraid of what the request would look like in front of his friends. In which case, it feels more like he was more interested in controlling her than anything else.” ~ MaxBax_LArch

“The boyfriend never said anything about his friends being uncomfortable. He said she was dressed like that to get their attention and that ‘she knew what she was doing.'”

“This is a jealousy issue, not an issue about any guest’s comfort.”

“Her SO has so little faith in his own friends that he screams at her for their actions. Personally, I wouldn’t be friends with people that I was concerned about having around my SO.”

“She is NTA in this situation simply because she is not responsible for her partner’s jealousy.” ~ largemarjj

While the need to communicate and establish boundaries is important, the boyfriend’s reaction was deemed inappropriate.

Hopefully, this couple will make time to discuss what happened to iron all this out.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.