Relationships involve compromise and often that means doing something with your significant other you don’t want to do. But where is the line drawn when it’s something you truly don’t want to do?
Redditor spidermeg_ asks that very question when her boyfriend insists on going running with her. The original poster (OP) doesn’t want to keep running and worries she’s wrong for saying no.
She takes her issue to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit, and hopes to find out if she’s TA in this situation.
“AITA for not wanting to go running with my boyfriend?”
This is why she worries she might be:
“Ok I know this may seem like a stupid argument to have but I’m getting super anxious about it.”
“My boyfriend wants us to go running together 3 times a week, in the morning. The thing is… I hate running.”
“I know technically it has health benefits and everything but I just don’t like it. I feel stupid when I run, I feel like people are watching me and joking about my forms, I don’t like to wake up earlier than normal and run as the first thing in my day.”
“I’m not a good runner (obviously) so I always feel like I’m slowing him down. Also, I noticed that the night before going for a run I don’t sleep well and I keep waking up at night thinking ‘why are you awake you’ll be so tired for your run tomorrow’ and as a consequence I get up nervous, tired and grumpy.”
“I want to point out that I’m not a lazy person: I do home workouts everyday and I love it, and I happily go for walks at the park or hikes in the mountains when I can. Pre-covid I was a regular swimmer too. It’s the running specifically that I don’t like.”
“My boyfriend says I exaggerate and that I’ll love running at some point. But we’ve been going for a whole month and my feelings about it haven’t changed.”
“So yesterday I told him that I didn’t want to go anymore and that I prefer other ways to be active.”
“He replied that I clearly don’t want to spend time with him and gave me a silence treatment for the whole day. I’m like… What?! As we live together and both work from home”
“I understand that it’s a lot but I’m also sure there are other ways to spend quality time together (like we’ve always done un the past 10 years we’ve been together) but he seems extremely fixated on the running.”
“Shuld I just endure it and keep running? Or AITA?”
On the AITA board, people explain their situation, what they did, and then are judged for how they reacted.
This is done with one of the following comments:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While compromise is necessary for a relationship, this doesn’t mean just doing what your significant other wants. If they worry about spending time with you, there are ways to do so that you both can enjoy.
OP is NTA for just wanting to not go running.
“NTA, couples don’t need to do everything together, your boyfriend would do well to remember that.” – redditor191389
“NTA, I hate running too but I do weights and love that and I play badminton and go for walks etc. Your boyfriend needs to learn to respect your boundaries.”
“He’s very much TAH here. Is he like this in other areas of your life? And silent treatment is particularly vile.” – notrapunzel
“NTA. I’m a runner, but I absolutely get where you’re coming from. I have no idea why he fixated on you running if you live together and you workout in other ways.”
“Running is not for everybody. I also don’t run with my husband because he’s faster and I hate slowing people down.”
“Honestly, sit him down and tell him you don’t like it, just because he loves it, doesn’t mean you will too. You love him and you’re more than happy to figure out another way for quality time but you will not be pushed into doing something you hate.”
“Tell him you would appreciate if he respects that, then leave it.”
“Good luck. You’ve been together a long time, I’m sure it’s just a bump in the road!” – iwanttobeanon1
“NTA. I can see how from his perspective it looks like a nice idea, and a way to spend time together. But I can’t see how not wanting to run means you ‘don’t want to spend time with him.’”
“It literally just means you don’t want to spend time with him doing this.” – WebbieVanderquack
Other commenters provided options that OP could consider, and questions to ask.
“This. But also there are other ways of spending time together where you’ll BOTH enjoy it. Sounds like he doesn’t care whether or not you like doing it, perhaps you need to ask him why he wants you to run with him so badly?” – ieatnoodlesw_sticks
“NTA. Running isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. It sounds like he has an issue with something else and is using the running thing as a platform to express it.”
“Maybe he feels like you guys have been distant lately or something, maybe he’s feeling like you don’t have enough shared hobbies and he’s trying to keep something going. Maybe not.”
“He should respect that fact that you tried it, not once, but for a whole month even. I think it’s fair to say at this point that you’re just not into it. Not everyone is.”
“Maybe try and see if there is an underlying issue here because his reaction sounds pretty overboard, or try and do a different exercise together instead.” – Particular_Horror857
“Take it from someone who tried to get into running by training for a half marathon – if you dont like it, it won’t be fun.”
“My husband wrote me a training plan and ran with me during many of my runs in the months leading up to my half (he is a much better runner than I am and is actually really fast), and I still had a difficult time.”
“I cried, I complained, I got angry, but I did achieve my time goal in the end. I will never run again. It isn’t fun. It hurts.”
“I was a competitive swimmer for 12 years and I MUCH prefer lap swimming and cycling. Find something you like to do and continue with that. I will not be continuing to run and I am perfectly content swimming and biking” – swammer123456789
Bottom line is that OP is not wrong to want to not run. But there may be another issue underneath the surface.
If her boyfriend went to such lengths over something that was never an issue before, he may be upset about something else, and projecting on this situation. OP’s boyfriend needs to communicate what they really think is wrong.
And if it’s really just the running thing, get over it and find another way to spend time together.