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Woman Irate After Boyfriend Refuses To Tell Her She’s A Better Cook Than His Late Father


Everyone loves to be complimented on their accomplishments.

Food. Food is a big accomplishment.

Chefs love to hear good things about their dishes.

Though some compliment requests may seem… out of the ordinary.

Case in point…

Redditor Chowderjr25 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for telling my girlfriend to stop competing with a ghost?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My (25 M[ale]) father (deceased) studied to be a chef, but life got in the way and had to do something else, but he kept his cooking skills.”

“Every Saturday or Sunday, he prepared us a 5-course meal for the family.”

“We (family) are not that good, but we get together at least 2 times a month and cook some of the dishes that he used to prepare for us.”

“My G[irl]F[riend] (26 F[emale) also likes to cook and she is very good at it.”

“She has been part of said tradition (as a guest) and knows the many plates my father made for us.”

“Now, for the past 6 months she has invited me to eat at her house, she has made every said plate.’

“I didn’t find it strange at the beginning but after a couple of times, every time that she asked me how it was, no matter how much I tell her that it was very good, she somehow ends up dissatisfied with my answer.”

“I have asked her what was the issue but got no answer.”

“A few days ago, she made my favorite dish and dessert.”

“After I basically stuff my face, she asked me how it was and I told her it was freaking delicious.”

“She started with… how delicious?”

“I answered her with 30 different ways of delicious and she was still not satisfied.”

“Then she asked the question… better than your dad’s?”

“And I understood why she was not satisfied.”

“This is what I said to her and what possibly makes me the a**hole.”

“I said…”

“Please don’t do that because I will never compare the two of you.”

“Your food is delicious.”

“I mean, I eat half a pot in one sit of how good it was.”

“But if you want me to tell you that you are better than my old man, I’m sorry but it won’t happen.”

“And it’s not because of the level of your cuisine but for the mere fact that you are not my old man.”

“You’re good on your own right.”

I look forward to eating your food just as much as I did every weekend he cooked for us.”

“He’s gone, please stop competing with a ghost because you’re fighting a losing battle.”

“She ended up kicking me out and things have been icy between us.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. If my partner was demanding I specifically say she was better at something than my dead father or the relationship was over, I’d be seriously worried about her and looking for the door.”

“It’s fine to want praise, not to demand to be held higher than a dead loved one, or anyone really.”

“Some insecurity is understandable and you should affirm and praise her effort.”

“But this is too far.”  ~ Irish_Whiskey

“Plus, it’s even more worrying that she’s still acting like OP’s the bad guy after what he said to her.”

“The way OP phrased it was extremely healthy and kind and probably the best way that anyone could have phrased it.”

“He was open and honest and explained that though he loves her cooking, it’s not a comparison he’d ever be willing to make.”

“I’m super sketched out that she picked this hill to die on at all let alone after that discussion.”

“I mean, who sets out to desperately prove they’re a better cook than someone’s dead father??”

“It can’t be just me who thinks that is a very weird goal to have. NTA.”  ~ deaddlikelatin

“There was no winning that argument. It’s like a woman asking if her ass looks fat in that dress.”

“Lol… my husband’s best friend told his mom that my biscuits and gravy were better than hers (I’m from TN, he’s from OH).”

“His mom didn’t talk to him for 2 weeks! NTA.”

“She shouldn’t have pushed you and she sure shouldn’t have gotten offended with your answer.” ~ emjoesmom

“He’s already praised her multiple times in multiple ways.”

“He’s affirmed her and given positive reviews of her food.”

“Even when telling her to stop trying to compete with a ghost, he was reaffirming her.”

“It was not enough for her.”

“NTA, and OP, as others have said I’d reevaluate your relationship with her.”

“Things are not going to get better. Imagine having kids with this person.”

“Your kid makes you something that you absolutely love.”

“Your S[ignificant] O[ther] doesn’t like the attention and praise you are giving your kid.”

“She goes and makes the exact same thing, and demands you tell her how much better hers is than your child. Run away.”  ~ homemediajunky

“Why does OP’s GF want to be better than his deceased father?”

“That seems so strange to me, and it’s a way of ruining and disrespecting his memory.”

“I don’t think I could be with someone if they were trying to compete with my deceased mother.”

“NTA. If you stay in this relationship set boundaries after this incident.”

“If this is the end, then so be it.” ~ MrFavorable

“NTA but dude, seriously. She’s weird and insecure. Run. Get Out.”

“The way she quizzed you creeped me out. Run and don’t look back.” ~ carinaeletoile

“That’s like I didn’t care how good someone else’s from scratch biscuits or cornbread is they’ll never be better than my granny’s who passed away in 2015.”

“This woman has some major issues. OP NTA.” ~x3meech

“NTA dude. I’m not sure what she’s trying to get out of this.”

“At first, I thought she was trying to be sweet to honor your dad.”

“But every time you complimented her, she just ended up being disappointed.”

“What you said was not rude.”

“I would have said the same thing.” ~ lv510

“Imagine a lifetime of such events, she trying to ‘win’ over anyone who’s important to you in your life.”

“What’s the point???”

“You’re NTA, but as many said here she’s not the girl for you.”

“You’ll be much better with someone who cherishes your memories and help building new ones, not trying to ‘overwrite’ the ones you already have – especially with your father.”  ~ TopperBr77

“NTA, you handled this with so much grace.”

“She was way out of line to begin with, and her reaction was even worse.”

“Is she generally overly competitive or narcissistic in other areas?”

“I think this is on her to apologize, profusely, and you can decide if you accept it or not.”  ~ ImissBagels

“NTA, and as a girl I think your gf sounds psychotic.”

“To try and replace a memory of your dead father?”

“Wtf kinda bulls**t is that.”

“You told her her food was good, delicious even, if that’s not enough she’s not the one for you.”

“Someone who wouldn’t rather enjoy the memory of your father together and instead wants to replace it isn’t a good person.”  ~ ZealousidealNotice90

“NTA. But worth trying to dig deeper with her and find out why it’s so important for her to have the title of being the better chef.”

“And maybe explaining that your dad’s delicious meals were more about the memories associated vs. just the delectability?” ~ winewitheverything_

OP added…

“EDIT: I never thought this would get this much attention.”

“I will give you more information to make things clearer.”

“She never met my father, we met 2 years after he passed away.”

“I, neither my family has compared her food or my brother’s partner’s to our father’s or anyone.”

“Our grandma (dad’s mother) did that (to us not them) and we made her cut it out because we know it’s just plain rude.”

“When we get together we’re not babbling about our father, we know it would be a drag.”

“We catch up about what we’re are doing while someone cooks.”

“If one of them brings a dish, we happily eat it.”

“If there’s something we can be wrong about when we go to mom’s house, it’s that we don’t let them cook (mom’s request).”

“My brothers or I are the ones who do it and we do it because we have many mannerism from our father.”

“Although we are not him, it’s like he is here.”

“If they want to help, we let them help but we are mainly in charge.”

“We mostly cook what our father used to prepare, but we also do other things.”

“If one of them invite us to their place, we all happily go and eat whatever they prepare because they’re also very good at it.”

“Lastly, we are planning to talk later today or tomorrow to clear things up and move from there.”

Well OP, Reddit understands your frustration.

It is a strange compliment to demand of someone.

Hopefully you and she can come to an understanding.

Or maybe you both move on.

Good luck.