When your mother told you to clean your room as a child, did you just shove things under the bed and sweep the food crumbs under the rug?
Kids can get away with such sneaky behavior.
But some misfits grow up and continue with their laziness well into their adulthood. Redditor Scuzzy_Penguin was not having any of that when she realized her boyfriend didn’t outgrow his childhood habits.
She unloaded her frustration on the Relationship Advice subReddit and wrote:
“I JUST discovered that my boyfriend deliberately folds up empty snack/trash/garbage and TUCKS IT INTO MY COUCH!”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“This is really freaking me out. Now, I am currently a bit tipsy and am posting this because my Google search has failed me, or I have probably failed it by my absurd question phrasing, but I have been noticing for the past year that cleaning out my couch has been the Olympic event of my 2020.”
“I have swept out crumbs, vacuumed relentless snacks and missing food, as well as removing never ending garbage from food wrappers to empty snack cakes, chip bags, etc. I never thought any of it was intentional.”
“I guess I have to admit that before my boyfriend and I were dating, he was a bit of a slob. However when I demanded clean he would make it happen.”
“I always chalked it up to laziness which I cannot penalize him for because dishes are the bane of my existence. His truck was always a mess though he did a good clean at least once a month. I just figured as a bachelor he was living his best life without anyone else to care about until he needed it.”
“So back to the dilemma, I reached into the couch looking deeply for my remote control and found a folded neatly and tucked deeply empty chip bag, which we have not had those chips in the house for about 2 months now. Anytime before this I always assumed that his high as** just left empty wrappers on the couch and they found their futures tucked between my cushions.”
“Seriously, it happened more often than not in our house from personal experiece. I may not have approached the situation with the proper technique considering I am many beers into my night, but when I confronted him as politely as I could muster, he avoided the question then yelled at me for being drunk and trying to start a fight.”
“I asked him a few more times and all I got was, ‘Yeah sure I am just crazy!’ And then accused again of being drunk and wanting to fight. I told him I would bring it up again in the morning sober and he ‘took the dare.’ He is still completely avoiding my question as to just simply… why?”
“Why would anyone have this behavior or what in their past would create this behavior? I am so sure I embarrassed him but I feel freaking played cleaning up his out of sight mess over and over and knowing this was never normal behavior? Has anyone ever experienced a situation and coped with it?”
“Or maybe some advice to ask about the root of the situation? I want to describe it as a problem but I know how that feels. Can anyone chime in to just give me a little insight?”
“I have never been with anyone like this before and I am afraid that it confirms my suspicion of him literally being a lazy slob to his own environment. My mother taught me everything from proper hygiene to the most specific and best cleaning supplies for every inch of my homes living on my own. How can I approach this with ease and way less shaming? <3”
Strangers on the internet offered suggestions and opinions on her boyfriend.
“This is how you get pests and rodent infestations.”
“Is he your bf or your son? He’s old enough to clean up after himself without copping an attitude.”
“Ask yourself if you are okay with cleaning up after him for the foreseeable future. This behavior is unlikely to change considering he was like this before you were dating and based on his reaction.” – BlewOffMyLegOff
The OP confirmed:
“Oh we have terrible rodent and infestations which again I have never had problems with before. He is also a contractor… I already know these people were never my type and which is why they have a deep coexisting relationship with this sort of problems. It is so common it is unimportant. <3”
When a Redditor commented that the rodent problem would be enough for them to end a relationship, the OP wrote:
“Well the house we moved into together has not been occupied for about 7 years and then we moved in about 3 years ago now. I WORKED MY EFFING ASS OFF to curve my rodent problem and I have that pretty much handled.”
“However. I also now realize that I am now the one only taking out the garbage unless I force him to do it. Days of it sitting there… either I do it or have to pretty much bitch until I get him to do this one most TEDIOUS thing for him. <3”
Not all contractors are wired the same.
“I’m a contractor as well and I never in my life acted like I was a 5 year old boy. He is childish and needs to grow up.”
“I would tell him either he changes and cleans up after himself or he need to move out.” – Str8goodz30
“He’s a slob and he does it because he knows you’ll play Merry Maid and clean it, so why should he?”
“I had this scenario… I was a housekeeper in multi million dollar homes. The one house I cleaned, each week I’d find dried up, snotty tissues stuffed in between cushions on every couch. I found at least 25 each week.”
“Why would multi millionaires be so filthy? Because ‘The Help’ takes care of that. Same reason they’d leave a large bowel movement in the toilet to fester and dry to for ceramic… that’s something The Help is to take care of. Your boyfriend sees you as The Help.” – elisabeth_hudson
“THIS! He’s also gaslighting op. I say op should DUMP HIS A**. Especially since they mentioned in other comments that the house has rodents and sh*t. OP, YOU ARE NOT HIS MAID!!” – ArtNerdSarah
“Shame can be useful if it motivates positive change. Clearly this guy has no sense of cleaning up after himself unless Mommy says so.”
“Guess what that makes you? You need to make it clear to him how disgusting this habit is, not only for health and hygiene concerns, but also because it’s so childish that no grown man should do this.” – xoticd
The OP responded:
“The most horrible part is that he is almost a decade older than me and all I am to him most of the time is his young and naive girlfriend who has not lived as much life as him. Again this is not normal behavior, and I am sure as hell old enough to know that. <3”
Many of the Redditors said that the boyfriend either needs to clean up his act or the OP needs to leave him for someone who is not as irresponsible.