Families aren’t easy.
Loving family is easy, but dealing on a daily can be difficult.
A sibling relationship can be especially strenuous.
Hurt feelings and allegations can be thrown about like comments on the weather.
So, how to proceed with caution?
Case in point…
Redditor Pretend-Editor-624 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for talking about my ‘perfect’ pregnancy and making my sister feel bad?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (F[emale] 24) sister(F 29) has an 18-month-old baby girl.”
“Her pregnancy was very rough, she was very sick, her husband and she separated in the middle of her pregnancy and she didn’t have a lot of support from our parents.”
“Which isn’t their fault, they were L[ow] C[ontact] before she got pregnant because of some stuff my sister and her husband did.”
“Lately, they’ve gotten back in touch again and are fixing their relationship.”
“I am 35 weeks pregnant as well and my pregnancy wasn’t entirely hard, my husband and I have a good relationship, even better now I’d say.”
“My relationship with my parents and our siblings has always been good too and besides some minor inconveniences my pregnancy has been going great so far”
“My mother is planning to move in with us for one or two weeks (we’ll see) after I give birth to help me out, which is something she didn’t do for my sister.”
“We were discussing this last Saturday because our parents had a family dinner and both of us were invited.”
“Our parents and our S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] (brother’s wife) were asking me about my pregnancy as well and if we were preparing for the baby.”
“I don’t feel like we were only talking about me/my baby like we were all having normal conversations about work, politics, football, stuff we regularly talk about.”
“However, when I was telling them about my last check-up, my sister told me that it’s not right to ‘brag,’ I asked her what she meant because I wasn’t bragging at all.”
“She told me that talking about how good and perfect my pregnancy has been so far is bragging.”
“Once again I told her I was not bragging, my mom backed me up on that.”
“Yeah, well, as soon as our mother spoke up, my sister blew up.”
“She accused me of being mean, of being a golden child, of wanting to drag the attention back to me, of being overbearing, etc.”
“She said that I’m enjoying that she and her daughter are second-class citizens in our family because she’s sure that everyone will spoil my baby as they spoil me.”
“That I’m ‘faking weakness to gain sympathy and have everyone pampering me.'”
“I told her to not blame me for her mistakes because if she didn’t have a great support system, it is because of her own fault and not mine”
“.he called me a ‘selfish and spoiled brat,’ and I called her a ‘bitter and envious bi**h.'”
“She also had a fight with our parents and my husband.”
“Lastly, our dad told her to leave.”
“My husband and I stayed a bit longer and we were all talking badly about her, I admit that.”
“Now that I’m thinking about it, I wonder if I made a mistake.”
“Our whole family is rethinking if they want to go LC with her again, so I don’t know, I’m just doubting myself.”
The OP provided a little bit of context about why the family’s relationship was so strained with her sister.
“The problem our family had with her was regarding some inherited jewelry from our grandmother.”
“She pawned them to go on an expensive vacation with her husband.”
“She got some of it back but lost a necklace that had been in our family for generations.”
“We all loved our grandmother and really valued these things since they were important to her.”
“And she never acknowledged her mistake or apologized, which is the worst of this, because if she had at least apologized and said that she was very sure that she’d be able to get the items back, then it would’ve been different, I think.”
“She knows she hurt us but never even apologized for hurting our feelings and our grandma’s memory (and all of this happened before she got pregnant).”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA… Redditors are obsessed with the idea that children can do no wrong and parents are always at fault.”
“If your sister really pawned the family jewelry for an expensive vacation, then she can’t expect to receive all love from the family.”
“And no way you guys are defending the heirloom sale like you guys are privileged if you view heirlooms as indispensable.” ~ somali-beauty
“Good Lord. I could be forgiving if she’d pawned something because she was desperate and had no other way to pay for her house or food or something but for a vacation?”
“She can f**k right off. NTA.” ~ knitlikeaboss
“NTA. Pawning family heirlooms is not a mistake. Anything that requires planning is not a mistake.”
“And your family is justified in keeping distance from her.” ~ dystopianpirate
“The sister was entirely within her rights to sell anything she legally owned without asking anyone else for permission.”
“Sure, she could have asked the family if anyone wanted to buy it themselves since the jewelry was inherited.”
“But ask yourself this, OP, and be honest.”
“Would you/other family members just be happy to have the offer and pay for it, or would you all be pissed off that she had the nerve to try to sell grandma’s jewelry to one of you?”
“I’m guessing that the reaction would be the latter since you so freely admit that you all sit around talking sh*t about her.”
“And sister probably knew that, hence, did her own thing.”
“And once you all made it known how pissed off you all were, she immediately got back everything she could.”
“So she tried to make amends.”
“But that wasn’t good enough for the rest of you.”
“Frankly, if I was your sister, I’d go LC with all of you.”
“No one needs to be a second-class citizen in their own family.”
“Wondering who is saying what about you the second you leave a room. No thanks.” ~ Baldassm
“I have a ruby ring that belonged to my great-grandmother.”
“There have been financial struggles, but I never even remotely thought pawning/selling that ring was an option.”
“It’s bad enough that OP’s sister pawned family heirlooms without giving family members the opportunity to buy them from her.”
“What sent it over the top was that it wasn’t even because she was in real need; she just wanted an expensive vacation.”
“Maybe OP and the rest of the family should cut the sister off again.”
“I feel sorry for her kid, though.” ~ dingleberry_mustache
“Have you considered trying to empathize with your sister, try and see her point of view, and offer her support instead of ganging up on her and trying to cut her from the family again because she sold a piece of jewelry that was gifted to her?”
“Yes, it sucks that she did that and hasn’t acknowledged it as a mistake, but damn, you sound super cold-hearted towards your sister.”
“I imagine she probably has felt this way long before the jewelry was sold.” ~ ogo7
“Family issues so deep and filled with resentment that this should not be taken to Reddit.”
“I don’t think you’re an AH for talking about your pregnancy.”
“We both know that is not really why your sister blew up. ESH.” ~ Embarrassed_Advice59
“NAH. I mean I get the fact that you have nothing to do with her pregnancy being bad.”
“But I’d be lying if I said I liked you and your family.”
‘Like so cold and just, not how a healthy family should be.”
“I hope your sister gets away and realizes no family is better than a trashy and toxic family.” ~ Top-Noise5959
“NAH. Celebrating your joy isn’t inherently wrong, but context matters.”
“With close family dynamics, being mindful of others’ struggles is important.”
“It’s natural to want to share your happiness, but taking a moment to step into your sister’s shoes to recognize her pain may have helped avoid conflict.”
“It’s not really about being the a**hole, it’s about compassion.”
“The jewelry situation is a separate issue, and while it might have been a sore point, it doesn’t justify or excuse the tensions around your pregnancies.”
“Both sides have valid feelings, but communication and empathy, not comparisons, will heal this rift.” ~ RadiantRileyx
OP came back to chat…
“This was just the last straw for our parents to go LC, since my sister and her husband constantly disrespected our family’s feelings, over and over again.”
“I don’t understand why everyone seems to be judging the thing about the necklace when we are already fixing that.”
“I didn’t ask for judgment because of that issue. It’s because of this other issue during dinner.”
“One of our brothers is N[o] C[ontact] with her and her ex-husband since they refused to pay for the car he sold them (they had agreed on a price, but then they stopped paying).”
“As for the comments, it was all kinds of things that were meant to hurt, like, for example, they were always talking about things I had when I was a teenager.”
“Also they kept insinuating I was sick again (another example is the first thing my sister told me the day of my wedding that I looked like my dress was ‘swallowing’ me because I was too skinny, so unnecessary).”
“They also made comments about our other brothers and SILs.”
“Then there are the ‘petty’ things like complaining about food when they came over for dinner, not helping pay for a big dinner when we all agreed to it and the rest of us had to cover their part as well.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Sometimes family is too toxic to keep around.
There is only so much you can do.
This sounds more like a situation to work out between your sister and your parents.