Too many cooks in a kitchen can lead to disaster.
This rule of thumb really works with any organized event.
It’s especially true with weddings.
The day is meant to be about what the happy couple wants.
Oftentimes, it can become about family requests.
And once the requests start flowing, it’s highly likely there will be more unhappy people than happy.
Then the couples getting hitched get caught in the crossfire when they should be celebrating.
Case in point…
Redditor Throw-awa-y109 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to wear my S[ister] I[n] L[aw]’s wedding dress to my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (23 F[emale]) am getting married to my fiancé (24 M[ale]) in a month.”
“He has an identical twin brother with whom he’s keeping a bit of a distance because of his past possessive behavior of wanting to share everything with each other, from interests, hobbies, and even friends.”
“His brother got eloped to his wife (27 F) and even suggested to my fiancé to do the same on the same day as him.”
“But of course, he shut that down quickly as we both agreed on having a wedding already.”
“However, I ended up being contacted by my fiancé’s brother requesting me to wear his wife’s wedding dress from their elopement to my wedding, which I obviously turned down, telling him that I’ve already got a specific wedding dress on my mind.”
“He dropped the subject, and for 2 weeks, I didn’t hear about it again.”
“So I thought that was the end of it.”
“But yesterday, my fiance’s brother and his wife showed up at our house (uninvited, may I add), got out SIL’s wedding dress, and then literally asked me to try it on right here and that they’d make adjustments if the size doesn’t fit.”
“Thank God my husband stepped in and kicked them both out of our house, even though it did end up in a really big argument between my fiancé and his brother.”
“I got contacted again later on by my B[rother] I[n] L[aw] who said that my inability to make any compromises in order for his and his brother’s wedding experiences to be intertwined is straining their relationship.”
“Honestly, at this point, I’m just getting the creeps from BIL, and my gut’s telling me that he and SIL may attempt to sabotage our wedding out of revenge, and even my husband agrees with the sentiment.”
“We’re now strongly considering uninviting both my BIL and SIL from our wedding.”
“But my husband’s still a bit reluctant to do it yet cause of the inevitable drama it’ll cause with his family.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. This is incredibly bizarre behavior, and there must be a mental health issue involved.”
“The BIL needs therapy. Your fiancé needs to talk to his brother and if he can’t get through you may want to go N[o] C[ontact].” ~ Living-Assumption272
“NTA! This is super creepy!”
“Like BIL needs to learn to be his own person and let your fiancé be his own person too!”
“Set these boundaries now and set them firmly!”
“If you decide to invite them to the wedding, I’d get a couple of friends you trust to watch them and prevent any insanity.”
“My friend invited her dad to her wedding.”
“He was not on good terms with much of the family and had caused drama in the past, and had me and my two brothers stick by him all night and keep him out of trouble.”
“Luckily there wasn’t any, but I strongly suspect this is because he knew were were babysitting him.” ~ thaliagorgon
“Maybe OP should take the dress – as if she’s going to wear it- then leave it locked in a closet at home on the wedding day and obviously wear her own dress!”
“This whole thing is so weird.”
“OP, your fiancé needs to firmly tell his brother that he has no interest in having your weddings ‘intertwined,’ that they are two separate people with separate interests and lives.”
“Furthermore, OP and his SIL aren’t even related and certainly don’t need their weddings intertwined, and they need to back off!”
“Sharing a womb 24 years ago doesn’t obligate him always to share everything.”
“Fiancé should also tell his parents what his brother is trying to pull and tell them it will not be tolerated. You do not have to share your wedding! NTA.” ~ EconomyVoice7358
“It’s even more bizarre that the SIL is going along with this craziness. It proves that BIL has met his perfect match. NTA.”
“Sidenote… If I were in OP’s shoes, I’d honestly consider moving to a different state or country if feasible.”
“Also, WTF do the parents think of this behavior?” ~ kreeves9
“Not necessarily. If he is this controlling and possessive with his brother, it wouldn’t surprise me that she might be stuck in a toxic (borderline abusive) relationship.”
“Maybe she felt pressured to go along with his plan?”
“I don’t know, I don’t want to assume anything about his wife.” ~ ysekh
“I think BIL wants to share more than what they’re currently sharing.”
“Her wearing his wife’s wedding dress makes it easier to imagine he’s marrying her as well.”
“The wife thing tripped me up, but maybe she wants a go at her new BIL too.”
“Seems like two people trying to create a poly family, to be honest.”
“It’s very abnormal behavior.” ~ Amazing_Cabinet1404
“I actually think the SIL fed him the idea because she regrets not having more guests to show off to at her elopement and wants to spend the day telling people it’s her dress, scooping up the compliments, and conversation spamming the guests about her own wedding.”
“I bet she has her phone in her hand with the wedding photo album on the screen the entire day.”
“I reckon she used BIL’s obsession to do this, knowing he’d seize on it and not let go.”
“Most women would be like, ‘I put it in my will, so you can’t even wear my dress over my dead body.'” ~ Ebechops
“I grew up with a set of identical twins.”
“It was their identity.”
“It’s all they talked about.”
“They switched classes, the whole 9.”
“It wouldn’t be surprising if this was them! NTA OP.” ~ Mrs239
“NTA. This is bizarre behavior, and if you don’t nip it in the bud, you’re going to wake up at 2 a.m. to your BIL standing over your bed trying to cut and style your hair exactly like his wife’s.”
“These people are unhinged – keep your distance.” ~ Allaboutbird
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about this for a minute, and there’s no reasonable pathway to the situation being even kinda understandable.”
“Brother/SIL might have some kind of hang-up about their elopement wedding, but even if that’s the case, still a really weird way to express it. NTA.” ~ SomeOtherOrder
“NTA, he definitely sounds like he has a bit of a screw loose.”
“Part of me even thinks it’s some weird sexual thing.” ~ Grouchy-Mushroom4055
“Identical twin here… BIL is nuts.”
“Your weddings in no way need to be intertwined.”
“Your husband needs to tell his bro that being married doesn’t make them less twins.” ~ Low_Cook_5235
“I married an identical twin.”
“He had no input or interest in our wedding other than being the best man.”
“OP’s BIL clearly has some mental/emotional issues.” ~ Living_Friend3543
“Same, I married a twin, and other than being adorable besties and having him as a best man… he was not involved in our wedding decisions.”
“They’re very close, but this is some emotional twincest s**t.” ~ Responsible-Aside-18
“It’s more that the BIL has a need to have everything identical to his twin.”
“It’s a behavior that’s been going on for a while, and OP’s fiancé has tried to set a boundary about it due to wanting to be his own person having/doing his own thing.”
“BIL wanted them to elope with him and his wife so they could have the same experience, for example.”
“He’s practically married someone who thinks the same or is going along with his thinking for some reason.”
“The fact that he’s accusing OP of getting between him and her fiancé regarding their wedding (not his I might add) is telling.”
“He’s trying to push his way into having something the same to appease his need for an identical wedding.”
“Being identical has become his identity, and it’s beyond normal behavior.”
“BIL needs therapy.”
“OP and fiancé are NTA and need to nip it in the bud now if they don’t want to have this type of fight with BIL and his wife for the rest of their lives.”
“Also, I might watch too many crime shows on ID, but it’s giving me the single white female vibe in identical twin form.” ~ DearOP_
“NTA. Your fiancé and BIL are not five anymore where they have to wear matching outfits and share toys.”
“This is you and your fiance’s wedding, not your BIL and SIL.”
“They had their day.”
“You have yours the way you both want without your BIL inserting himself.”
“By the way… what is your M[other] I[n] L[aw] stance on all this?” ~ Serious-Currency108
OP had a reply…
“According to my fiancé, their mom always found it adorable how his brother wanted to share and do everything together with him when they were children.”
“And I don’t think that stance from her has changed.”
“Especially because my fiancé is sure she’ll completely object to him uninviting his brother from his wedding if it gets there.”
“My fiancé told me that whenever he brought it up to his parents how some of his brother’s behavior made him uncomfortable when they were teens, they just told him that it’s normal for twins to want to be close to each other.”
“And that he should be glad his brother loves him so much, so for them, this is just normal ‘twins behavior.'”
Well, OP, sounds like Reddit is with.
Sorry that you and your fiancé are having this issue.
You should be in a blissful stage of planning flowers and cake, not worrying about security breaches and sabotage.
Hopefully, your fiancé’s parents will realize this is all a bit much, and maybe they can step in and assist.
Until then, stay safe, and good luck.
Also… Congratulations!