Everyone wants to give the perfect gift.
Or at least try to do so at a wedding.
And when you do give it, it’s customary not to take it back, right?
Asking for a gift return, especially when it’s based on money, can be… awkward, to say the least.
Case in point…
Redditor Delicious-Quality-87 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not telling my brother how much something was worth until he regifted it to me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I had a boomer great aunt that was a wonderful and loving woman.”
“She just grew up in Eastern Europe right after W[orld] W[ar] II.”
“One of the weird things about her was that she would give her old belongings as gifts for weddings and important birthdays.”
“I still have the music box she gave me for my First Communion.”
“When we saw family I would always ask to see their pieces.”
“A few of my aunts had them displayed in a china cabinet or out somewhere safe.”
“A few had them collecting dust in a box.”
“I made sure they knew that if the day ever came that they wanted to downsize or something, I would appreciate a chance to grab it for my collection.”
“Some of my cousins took me up on the offer, and I ended up with six extra pieces for my room.”
“When I moved out, I made sure that every single part of my collection was safely wrapped and packed.”
“They are my little treasures.”
“I know it’s weird.”
“Sorry for being so long-winded.”
“I just love talking about that stuff.”
“I’m about 15 years younger than my eldest brother, and he knows about my collection.”
“When he got married, I was 14.”
“At his gift opening, I saw he got one of her usual gifts.”
“I also saw his wife’s face.”
“She was not super grateful.”
“I made sure he knew that I thought it was beautiful, but I didn’t ask him to think of me if he wanted to get rid of it.”
“I thought he might like to pass it on to his kid one day.”
When my aunt passed away she left me the last of her collection.”
“Three pieces that were a set.
“I got married last September.”
“My niece, his daughter, was my flower girl.”
“At my gift opening, I could almost hear him giggle when I opened my gift from them.”
“It was the piece from our great aunt.”
“He thought it was super funny.”
“Then he gave us our ‘real’ gift from our registry.”
“I thanked him profusely for both.”
“He came over the other day and saw my collection in my china cabinet I inherited.”
“He asked me why I was so fascinated with this stuff.”
“I told him that I thought it was amazing and that lots of people collected it.”
“He called bulls**t and started looking it up.”
“The figurine he gave me is worth about $6,700.”
“He said that I was a d**k for not telling him what it was worth.”
“He wants it back.”
“I said that my husband and I were going to give back every piece I got from family as a gift for a special occasion.”
“I already planned to give that piece to my niece for her first communion.”
“Along with a little booklet of information about my aunt and the value of the piece, so they appreciated it.”
“I know exactly who I got each piece from.”
“And they are all going back to that family.”
“He says I’m being mean accepting a gift from him that is worth so much.”
“I asked him if he ever bothered looking up the value of what he was giving me.”
“He said he thought it was like precious moments or Hummel.”
“Whatever. I have family treasures to keep safe for the next generation.”
“I know I would have gotten something awesome from my great aunt if she hadn’t passed away before my wedding.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. He only wanted it when he found out it has monetary value.”
“You want it for its sentimental value and to pass on to his daughter?”
“Very sweet of you, really.” ~ Putrid_Blueberry1118
“Although it’s sweet you want to pass it on to his daughter, be careful with it, I reckon he’s just gonna take it and sell it.”
“OP NTA.” ~ TheNamesKev
“Your brother will sell it if given the chance.”
“Since it was given by your aunt as a wedding gift, then to you as a wedding gift, give it to your niece as a wedding gift.”
“Problem solved.”
‘Also, include the family history, but also ask that if the niece ever needs (wants) to sell it, that she offers it to you to buy first so you can keep the collection together.”
“Good for you that you value family history.”
“Hopefully, those you pass it on to will love it just the same.” ~ Capt-Sylvia-Killy
“OP NTA.”
“And I agree with you, if OP gives the little niece this figurine back before she is an adult, OP’s brother will be taking it to an auction house as soon as he gets his hands on it.”
“OP, tell your niece the story of all of your collection.”
“Talk about your aunt, whom she will never know.”
“Maybe you’ll inspire the love of these family treasures in her!”
“But DON’T give her the figurine that you’re saving for her until she is grown and living on her own.” ~ SiroccoDream
“I really hope OP realizes that the moment she gifts that to her niece, her brother is going to sell it.”
“ETA: OP, I highly recommend rethinking when you give your niece those gifts, I’d wait til she is an adult and out of her parent’s house.” ~ silfy_star
“For the reason of protecting it from her dad, and honestly?”
“Protecting it from her.”
“I have an 8-year-old, and I’m anxietied over the thought of a $10k smashing noise.”
“Dad would have to keep protective custody of it, and I wouldn’t find it worth it. I’d sell it and put the money in the college fund.”
“And maybe get a placeholder for the kid to keep and prove she’s responsible with lower stakes.”
“But that’s me. I’m also the type to scream ‘SELL THAT NOW’ while watching Antiques Roadshow.” ~ AinsiSera
“NTA. He would have sold it rather than gift it to you.”
‘And be ready for him to do exactly that when you give it to their baby for communion.” ~ myhairs0nfire2
“NTA. You are doing something so thoughtful for your family, maintaining some of your histories to pass down to the next generation.”
“Your brother is a bit of an AH asking for a gift back.”
“But seriously, your great aunt would love that you cherish her gifts like this.”
“Why is it so damn dusty in here?” ~ SecretJealous4342
“NTA, but be safe giving it to your niece on her first communion since your brother can still take it from her and cash it in and use the money for his own desires (assuming that’s what he wants to do based on his reaction).” ~ Meg-atronK711
“NTA – you didn’t even ask for it. He gave it to you as a joke since he thought it was so lame.”
“It’s on him for not looking up its value.”
“Besides your idea to pass them on back into the family, to his daughter I presume, is super sweet.”
“You sound like a very thoughtful person!” ~ taamlee
“NTA. He was giggling at you when he gave you that wedding gift like he was pulling a prank on you.”
“I don’t fault him for not being into great-aunt’s collection when he was younger, but certainly, as an adult he could have looked up the markings himself or even ask you what you knew about it.”
“I think it’s very sweet of you to regift them back to the families that gave them to you.” ~ columbospeugeot
“NTA but honestly, you will be if you follow through with giving the pieces back to those who gave them to you.”
“While it’s a lovely idea, obviously those people didn’t appreciate them in the first place since they were willing to give them to you, so why would you give them back?”
“I am very confident that if you gift that piece to your niece, your brother is going to take it and sell it.”
“It doesn’t matter that your mother would ‘end him,’ he doesn’t seem to care, and once it’s sold, it’s gone.”
“I also think other family members you give the pieces back to will follow in your brother’s footsteps since I’m sure he won’t be shy talking about the values of the pieces.”
“I would recommend trying to help your nieces and nephews (and your own children if you have/plan to have any) appreciate the pieces for more than just their price tags, then give them the pieces when they are older.” ~ HPfan94
“Obviously, NTA. And I think your aunt would be quite glad to hear how her little treasures are being carefully managed by you.” ~ chalakaBB
“NTA. It’s not your fault if they think it’s trash and just give it away.”
“I wouldn’t give it to my nieces and nephews until they’re old enough to understand the value and understand the historic importance of the pieces.” ~ AffectionateHand2206
OP, Reddit is with you.
Your gift, your rules.
Sounds like your brother should do some research on gifts before he gives them away.
Keep your collections safe!