Traditionally, a groom should never see his bride in her gown before the wedding. But what if he sees his mom in the bridal gown?
Redditor Repulsive_Scheme1359 just learned that her future mother-in-law tried on her wedding gown behind her back.
She was rightfully taken aback and ended up demanding money to purchase a new dress.
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) fiancé is not on the same page as her, which drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for giving FMIL [future mother-in-law] 3 days to pay me for a new wedding dress or else I show the family a photo of her wearing it?”
She went on to tell the story.
“So, I’m getting married to my fiance soon. I bought my wedding dress weeks ago. His my (FMIL) kept pestering me about trying it on but I firmly refused.”
“I finally shut it down after she offered me 100$ to let her try it on. Her reasoning for presisting so much? She says it’s because of her “love” for wedding dresses and her obsession with them.”
“Fast forward to yesterday, I came home from work early and I found my fiance at home.”
“He freaked out after seeing me and tried to prevent me from going into my room while trying to text somebody on his phone.”
“I opened the door and was shocked to see his mom standing there wearing my dress. I instantly pulled out my phone and took a photo of her in it.”
“She and my fiance freaked out after I told her that she needed to pay me for a new dress in 3 days or else I’ll show the whole family the photo.”
“She started crying and then left and my fiance blew up at me saying I can’t be serious and that I overreacted because his mom just wanted to try the dress on, no harm done.”
“But I refused to listen to him because in my opinion, the dress should only be worn by the bride and the bride only. Quite frankly, I felt disgusted looking at the dress again, I don’t want it anymore.”
“And so I think it’s fair that she pays me after she ruined it for me. He yelled at me. And told me to wake up and stop treating his mom like that as if she was an enemy.”
“We had a fight after he failed to get me to back down and he’s been staying with his mom since then.”
“I felt awful, but I spent 3k on this dress and worked hard to get it.”
“I can’t stand looking at it but people in my family think I’m escalating things and risking my relationship with not only FMIL but my fiance as well.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA, but are you sure you want to marry this guy? He stood guard outside your bedroom so that his mother could try on your wedding dress.”
“Do you think he will ever stand up for you against her?”
“His mother OTOH [on the other hand] is controlling, manipulative, and deceitful, and will probably be an absolutely horrible MIL should OP choose to go through with this marriage.”
“Emotional incest is a very distinct possibility. Thanks to everyone who pointed this out.” – Moose-Live
“NTA, but the problem isn’t just your FML. It’s your fiance.”
“HE let her in. HE was going to lie and hide from you that she tried it on. HE is defending her actions.”
“HE disrespected your belongings. HE didn’t care about your feelings and still doesn’t. HE has shown he doesn’t care about your boundaries.”
“HE decided his mother’s want to try it on is more important than your feelings, and that won’t go away when you’re married.”
“Personally? My petty self would call off the engagement, and the announcement of that would be the picture of his mom in the wedding dress stating, ‘Unfortunately, I can not marry ______.’”
“‘It appears he’s already married and emotionally committed to his mother’”
“At the bare minimum, you should postpone until he can respect your boundaries.” – aterriblefriend0
“He knowingly went behind your back to help his mom try on your dress. He knew it was wrong, he knew you would be upset and yet he did it anyway.”
“Then he doubled down and defended his mother when you caught them. You don’t have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem.”
“Do not marry with this man without addressing and resolving this issue. It will literally only get worse from here.”
“NTA” – Connect-Yam5209
“NTA.”
“‘He yelled at [me] and told me to wake up and stop treating his mom like that.’”
“This is concerning. Wake up to what? That he’s always going to take her side?”
“What about how she treated you when she violated a very simply boundary of not fricking wearing your dress. It’s insane that not only did she ask, she asked repeatedly.” – Phoenix612
“NTA. You might want to reconsider the wedding altogether. Your fiancee allowed her in, was trying to cover for her, and then blew up at you for being upset!”
“Did she model the dress for him?”
“Because if she did or was going to, I’m afraid that would be a dealbreaker for me. The whole idea of the Groom seeing his Mother in the wedding gown BEFORE the Bride wears it is just….gross.”
“Even worse if the Groom were on board with that.” – Diasies_inMyHair
“1. Fiance betrayed your trust”
“2. FMIL did something she knew would upset you”
“3. Your fiance yelled at you”
“4. Look you maybe being slightly unreasonable with replacing the dress but why the f*ck you would still go through with the wedding is beyond me…..”
“5. Neither of them care about you and what you think and feel….”
“6. Little bit of everyone sucking but on balance NTA”
“Think about it.”
“Your fiance wanted to see his mom in your wedding dress first…..”
“Never compete with a mother to win over a mama boy. You deserve better.”
“NTA This will be your life if you stay with this guy. She’ll come to honeymoons, vacation, delivery room, all these will be the battles you fight both of them on.” – Rohini_rambles
“Please call off this engagement. Your partner has shown you that his mum will always be his first and only priority.”
“Her behavior and his support for her behavior will not improve. They will both only get worse if you marry him.”
“He made his choice, and he did not choose you. This entitlement from both of them will only escalate.”
“Good luck” – CheeryBottom
“NTA”
“You have both a MIL AND A FIANCÉ PROBLEM”
“He clearly colluded with his mom to sneak her over and have her wear your dress when you were at work.”
“When you came home early he actively tried to stop you from going in your room, and tries to text her to warn her to get out of the dress.”
“Then, when you were understandably, completely appalled and upset, he 100% backed up his mom, and tried to make you seem like the crazy one?”
“If he wants his mom to wear your dress so badly, why doesn’t he just marry her.”
“I know that Reddit is a big fan of saying, break up! But this is a sneak peek into what your future is going to look like.”
“Your mother-in-law is going to have absolutely no boundaries with you, and your then-husband is going to let her do whatever she wants either in front of your face or behind your back.”
“If you’re not already, you need some serious couples counseling. I’d be sending the picture out to everyone Right now to show what a psycho she is.” – AshlynM2
The OP went on to update her original post.
“Update: Oh My God! This blew up, so I thought I’d add some updates. My fiance called and offered to pay for the dress himself so we can “end the conflict,” but he wants me to:”
- “hand him my phone so he can delete the photo himself.”
- “Swear that I don’t have any copies to “use” against his mom later.”
- “Apologize to his mom.”
- “And lastly, He asked that I quit his family group chat and log out of Facebook for at least a month.”
“I haven’t responded yet.”
“P.s He called with this offer/conditions hours ago, but I didn’t want to include this in the post, but now I did.”
“Also, I’m not sure if I’ll agree because I don’t want him to pay for it. I want his mom, the one who wore it to pay for it. Not being vicious but trying to hold her accountable.”
Not exactly the best way to start off sharing a life with someone by sneakily allowing your mother to try on your bride-to-be’s dress after she was vehemently opposed to it.
They’re certainly going to have to address the dress mishap before walking down the aisle.
Good luck, OP.