Another day, another questionable bride.
Today’s bride-in-question is Redditor Tricky-Ice2042. The Original Poster (OP) is soon marrying her boyfriend of 10 years.
Recently the OP’s older sister went through a divorce after being married for 8 years. Like many divorcees, the OP’s sister is disenchanted with the idea of love.
Because of her sister’s jaded attitude, the OP is considering revoking her invitation to her big day.
This drove the OP to subReddit AITA (Am I the A**hole?).
She asked:
“WIBTA if I banned my sister from my wedding?”
She explained:
“My [Female age 27] sister [Female age 42] is recently divorced from her husband after 8 years of marriage!”
“She is really struggling emotionally and I feel for her, however, I am getting married on January 13th to my boyfriend of 10 years [Male age 28]…”
‘“…and she keeps talking about how love is a lie and I will regret my marriage in the long run! I get she is upset, but I’ve gotten to the point where I’m considering banning her from my wedding!”
“WIBTA if I banned my sister?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NAH.”
“Talk to her. Lead with love and patience. Tell her you love her and you don’t want the wedding to be triggering for her, so she can participate to whatever extent feels right to her…”
“…and you give her permission to duck out early, skip it, whatever it takes to take care of herself.”
“That you’d love for her to be there because she’s your sister but that you know there are extenuating circumstances.”
“Tell her what you need and expect from her in terms of support. Be the grown-up here – give her some grace but be firm, and ask if she feels she can meet these.”
“This may be to try to control her emotions, to avoid snide comments, to stay sober, or whatever makes sense.”
“On the day of, assign a calm and emotionally intelligent third party the job of buffer, handler, what have you.”
“That’ll give you the peace of mind to know she’s not gonna cross the line or that if she does, there will be someone whose job it is to keep it out of your sight.”
“You’re always in charge of what you allow on your wedding day. And all other days too, right?”
“Before you ban her from anything, talk to her. Let her know that you love her and understand this is a very difficult time for her but that her negativity is stressing you out.”
“Decide together what would be best- surely she can understand that you don’t want her saying things like ‘love is a lie’ at your wedding.”
“Maybe she’s just not in a headspace right now where she can be there for you and support you. If that’s the case, no hard feelings either way.”
“She should stay home and you should enjoy your wedding. But discuss it with her and come to a mutually agreeable solution. NAH” – NicoleWarrenDiver
“ESH, I can understand the frustration given that your wedding is around the corner and hers just ended. I would sit her down with maybe a parent as a mediator or on the phone.”
“Simply so it’s not (he said she said) and let her understand that you get her pain. You understand she’s going through a hard time.”
“But that if love isn’t meant to be for yourself it will come when it’s time. I would say let her know that she’s welcome to attend, but if she’s too uncomfortable to attend you understand.”
“But make it clear that if she makes a scene or becomes unruly she will be asked to leave. That way she understands and has time to process and decide what her next step is.” – Foxfire_vixen
“ESH”
“Talk to her. Not including her will ruin the relationship between you two. Or at the very least seriously strain it.”
“She is understandably hurt but still as a grown woman she could be more careful in what she says to the bride-to-be.”
“Tell her how hurtful her current behaviour is for you.”
“Let her be a part of your big day if she’s up to it but be crystal clear she needs to suck it up for one day as this is about you, not her.”
“And give her an open honest out with no strings attached if it is too much for her.” – neurodivergent_poet
“NAH (not yet, anyway). Sis needs to stop the negative comments, they are simply unfair right now. She should be less involved with the preparation and change her tune.”
“Can your MOH or your parents talk to her about this? She needs to stop, and you need to be sure she won’t cause a scene at the wedding or reception.”
“IMO it is too soon to withdraw the invitation, but past time to tell her to change her behaviour.”
“Also – congratulations, health and prosperity to you both” – Ozludo
“YWBTA if you do this without trying to talk with her first.”
“Tell her her views and opinion about marriage are her own and from her perspective, and it’s unfair to generalize her bad experience…”
“…moreover to you while you are in your own wedding phase.”
“That you want your special day to be filled with positive thoughts and mood and the best she could do is to be happy for you and hope the best for you. All relationships are not doomed.”
“Then if she argue and keeps on her rantings maybe you should look for other options.” – ArmyPatate
“It depends have you talked to her about this before? Asked her to stop?”
“If you did all these things and she continued anyway Then sit her down and tell her that you completely understand that a wedding is the last thing on her mind…”
“…And to make it easy on her so she won’t have to feel bad about ditching you or going when she clearly doesn’t want to you are uninviting her”
“However if you hadn’t What the hell talk to her first” – Serendipity_1310
“NTA. Before just banning her, reach out to her and make the point to her that you get it she is going through a lot, but she has no right to take it out on you and you had enough.”
“Either she behaves or she will be excluded from your wedding. You literally just want her to stay quiet. That is not asking for much.” – Hbellinati
“YWBTA – she’s going through a rough time and projecting, but don’t ban her from your wedding. She’s your sister, and presumably, you’ve had a good relationship up until now.”
“Saying a few crazy things when you’re going through an emotional and chaotic period in your life shouldn’t be enough to get her banned.”
“The only thing I would watch is her alcohol intake. You don’t want her over-drinking in sorrow and getting weepy or loud.”
“Can you assign a cousin or a friend to hang out with her at the event and help monitor that?” – Latter-Shower-9888
“NAH.”
“Your sister is entitled to her feelings post-breakup. What she is NOT entitled to do is let her inside feelings run around on the outside during your wedding.”
“So, it’s time to be an adult and have an adult conversation with your sister.”
“Tell her you want her at your wedding and it wouldn’t be the same without her, but if she feels she can’t refrain from being miserable or making negative comments during the wedding/reception…”
“…she should just stay home because this day is important to you.” – NorthernLitUp
“YWBTA”
“Not inviting her to your wedding is drastic and uncalled for. Instead, use your words like an adult and tell her to stop reflecting her anger about her sh*t on your relationship.” – wtfreddit741741
“YTA. That’s a cold thing to even consider”
“You could just talk to her. Say that you know that she’s hurting but you need her to pause the ‘love is a lie’-talk on your wedding day.”
“Adults talk to each other. We don’t go straight to banning people from weddings!!!” – ohdearitsrichardiii
“NTA. When you invite people to your wedding, you’re asking them to witness your vows and, by implication, support them.”
“I realize this isn’t always what’s happening inside someone’s own thoughts, but everyone should at least know how to behave at a public ceremony.”
“You should have an honest conversation with your sister and ask her if she can put her feelings aside for a day to support you.”
“If she balks, tell her you’ll save her a slice of cake.” – notcontageousAFAIK
“NTA in spirit because it’s a joyous celebration because dealing with ongoing negativity and ‘woe is me’ can be mentally exhausting.”
“However, in practice, it would be a dick (YWBTA) move.”
“Rather than ban her, I’d speak to her and explain that you understand that she’s struggling emotionally and that she’s been struggling with the divorce…”
“…and ask her to for one day to at least pretend to be happy for you.” – nikkesen
Hopefully, the two sisters can come to common ground before the OP’s big day.