Oh the guest list of a wedding, it can like solving a fun puzzle.
Or a really infuriating game of Jenja.
Not every guest is going to make it about you.
They will make it about them.
And that is always fun.
Right?
Case in point…
Redditor Hayzeus69 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for revoking my Uncle’s wedding invite because he refuses to dress up because “blue collars don’t dress up?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m (30 F[emale]) getting married in September, we’re planning a pretty normal wedding.”
“I did specify a basic dress code in the invite.”
“I’m not expecting black tie and heck I’d be happy with something basic like a decent polo shirt or blouse.”
“My uncle (60 M[ale]) refuses to dress up for anything because he feels that blue collar workers like him don’t dress up like the white collars do.”
“I have nothing against my uncle’s work but his job is a good chunk of his identity and it’s quite annoying.”
“He’s done this before at other functions.”
“He’ll either wear a dirty Carhartt or ‘dirty hands clean money’ shirt.”
“He’s refusing to dress up at all and there’s a decent chance his cloths won’t be clean.”
“AITA for revoking his invite?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Tell him it’s a child-free wedding, so he can’t come unless he grows up.” ~ Responsible_Type_A
“I grew up in a community where every man had one suit to wear for ‘hatchings, matchings, and dispatchings.'”
“It’s not a white collar thing to wear a suit for a special occasion at all!”
“Blue collar workers used to be proud of their one suit, no matter how cheap it was.” ~ PhDOH
“Jesus, yeah. I grew up in the southwest where your nice suit might have a bolo tie and include cowboy boots and a hat.”
“There’s a wide range of what the ‘nice suit’ might entail, but you DEFINITELY had one.”
“It’s a part of blue-collar, country, working, redneck, whatever life! “
“You get out your freaking Sunday Best.”
“This guy’s not living a blue-collar life, he’s just a dirty jacka**.” ~ sonofnobody
“OP is NTA but entitled uncle is. Revoke his invite.”
“Our oldest son works in a grocery store (cleaning, stocking shelves, bagging groceriesJ and he’s got one sports coat, nice pants, a button-down shirt and a tie.”
“For a family wedding he’d probably buy a new suit, which he doesn’t own.” ~ MadTom65
“Blue collar worker is what he does not who he is.”
“His pride is his problem not yours.”
“I’m sure If he got a make over and everybody uhhh and ahhh over him he would feel differently but you’ll never know.”
“His loss and he’s slowly pushing himself away from family events.”
“Enjoy your day. His stubbornness gave you no choice.” ~ Fluid_Association292
“NTA – I’ve worked to ensure that I never have to wear a tie to work.”
“I don’t own a single pair of khaki pants, etc.”
“But when I was invited to my first wedding as an adult I went out and bought a suit and tie to be appropriate even though I couldn’t really afford it.”
“Someone else’s wedding isn’t anyone’s time ‘to be me.'” ~ mvsr990
“Both the man who sired me, and the man who raised me were blue collar men.”
“One was a truck driver, the other electrician/maintenance worker.”
“Both of them took great pride in their work, and in the case of the man who sired me his work was pretty much his identity.”
“Yet, both of those men would never insist on dressing like a blue collar shlub for wedding.”
“Every true Blue collar man I have ever known has been willing to put on a polo style shirt, a decent pair of pants, and a pair of Dockers shoes at the very least to attend a wedding, a funeral, or a fancy family get together of any kind.”
“On behalf of every blue collar man I have ever known throughout my entire life your uncle’s attitude is offensive.”
“Blue collar does not equal disrespectful!”
“And that’s what your uncle chooses to be of everyone, and in some ways including himself.”
“Not only are you NTA, but I would say everyone who has enabled your uncle’s attitude and your uncle himself are TA’s.” ~ Betrayed_Orphan
“So I have family that live in a tiny northern Minnesota town.”
“We’re the BIG CITY kin that’s apparently been citified.”
“Sister got married in 1994 and a few folks from ‘up nord’ came down for the occasion and their clothing choices were… interesting.”
“One uncle in particular wore a polyester lime green leisure suit with matching lime green shoes circa 1971.”
“Not gonna lie, we were horrified.”
“HORRIFIED! But looking back, I remember absolutely nothing anybody else wore and that uncle has since passed.”
“It’s actually a wonderful, silly, one of a kind memory my sister and I still occasionally laugh about.”
“You are most definitely NTA and my leisure suit story may not sway you.”
“Just wanted to share sometimes in retrospect the things that seemed so vital aren’t always the things that end up being so.”
“Either way, may you have a glorious wedding day and many, many happy years together!” ~ Faisfancy
“NTA. And you’re not being unreasonable at all — he’s being stubborn and will try to blame this all on you.”
“My dad is in his 70s and has been a farmer his ‘entire life.'”
“Carhartt, Wranglers, barn boots, etc.”
“But over the years he always had a few nicer outfits for weddings, graduations, etc.”
“Nothing super fancy, but always a clean pair of dress slacks, a basic pair of shoes, and a button up shirt.”
“Maybe a blazer if there’s been one on sale that fits him.”
“Your uncle is trying to make your wedding into a culture war — don’t let him.” ~ so_tired_now
“Most ‘blue collar’ people own at least 1 set of nice clothes for church, funerals, and weddings.”
“A clean polo shirt and slacks is not too much to ask.”
“I wouldn’t frame it as ‘uninvited’ but I would say ‘If you are unwilling to meet the dress code, you may choose not to attend.'”
“NTA.” ~ kcl43
“My father comes home from work every day covered in some sort of grease or dirt to the point that growing up mom would often make him change in the garage before he came in the house.”
“He owns exactly one suit that he wears to every formal event.”
“Your uncle is just a childish a**hole. NTA, uninvite him.” ~ tbyrdistheword
“Uncle sounds like he has a chip on his shoulder.”
“I know quite a few men (and some women!) who work in HVAC, home construction, road construction, factories, plumbing, electrical.”
“And they all know how to dress for things like church, funerals, weddings, graduation.”
“Some wear suits, some wear slacks and a button up shirt or polos, ladies wear dresses or slacks and a blouse or sweater.”
“And they always wear clean clothes.”
“Uncle wearing dirty clothes is what makes me think he has a chip on his shoulder… acting out for some reason.”
“You are NTA.” ~ columbospeugeot
“Yeah… this is giving me “fight the establishment/wreak havoc for no reason vibes.'”
“No one’s asking him to wear a tie, let alone speak with a New England private school accent.”
“It’s not disrespectful to who he is and what he does to have to follow a dress code for one day.”
“It’s not about him! NTA.” ~ dresses_212_10028
“NTA. Has he never heard of “Sunday best?'”
“I know a lot of blue collar workers and retirees.”
“They didn’t dress up for a lot but they did for church.”
“My papaw was a railroad worker, but after he retired he wore khakis, a belt, and a button up short sleeve shirt every day.”
“When it was cold he added a thermal shirt underneath.”
“From your description it sounds like you’d be satisfied with that outfit.” ~ lady_wildcat
“NTA.”
“Have known plenty of ‘Blue Collar’ workers who will nonetheless put on a suit for church, wedding, or funeral.”
“TBH, the people I knew would, when needed, clean up very fastidiously.”
“They may not arrive in a brand new suit and $500 Italian shoes.”
“But they’d come with hair combed and in clean ironed clothes.”
“I even know some for whom ‘dressed up’ means putting on the ‘good Carhartts’ but maybe even that’s fine.”
“As long as they show the respect by wearing something decent and not coming in dirty clothes.” ~ Temporary_Drama_2451
Well OP it sounds like Reddit agrees with you.
Well… most of Reddit.
It’s your special day, so you’re allowed to do anything you wish with the guest list.
Maybe you can sit your Uncle down and go over this thread with him.
Good luck. And Congratulations!