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Bride Under Fire For Refusing To Let Fiancé’s Teen Niece And Nephew Come To Their Wedding

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We’ve surely all come into contact with at least one bridezilla in our lives.

The experiences tend to be all-around unpleasant.

The latest and greatest appeared on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit in the form of complaining about who she did not want to invite.

Redditor Vegetable_Purple5917 was insistent about who would appear on her guest list.

And when she didn’t get exactly what she wanted, the Original Poster (OP) had some thoughts to share.

She asked the sub:

“AITA for not inviting my fiancé’s niece and nephew to our wedding?”

The OP did not want any kids to attend her wedding. 

“My fiancé and I are planning our wedding and mailed out our invitations.”

“When we got the RSVP from his sister, it said that 4 people would be attending. I was shocked to see this as I only expected 2 coming from them.”

“When I reached out to her to see who the extra two people are, she told me it would be her, her husband, and their kids (aged 13 and 15 now, will be 14 and 16 at time of wedding).”

“I told her that the kids weren’t invited, and she seemed surprised. She said because the invitation didn’t specify no kids or a specific number of seats that she thought that because we’re family the kids would be invited.”

“I told her today it’s just common courtesy that kids aren’t invited to weddings.”

Even for kids her fiancé had a connection with, she had objections. 

“My fiancé is close with his niece and nephew and I know he spent a lot of time with them when they were younger, but I just don’t know them and I don’t want kids at my wedding.”

“I don’t want it to feel like someone has to babysit them all night.”

“The 14-year-old is fine, and is rather social, but at every family event, the 16-year-old is just on her phone and is anti-social, and I don’t want that energy at my wedding.”

The family ultimately worked out a compromise. 

“Now his whole family is upset with me for not inviting the kids.”

“His parents are saying that they really aren’t ‘young kids’ and aren’t that much younger than my youngest sister (she’s 20, [and I am 29]. My fiancé and I have a 17 year age gap).”

“My fiancé is telling me to invite them, saying how well-behaved they are and that at his last wedding, when the oldest was 7, she was so excited and really appreciates special events.”

“We’ve compromised and said that the kids can come for the ceremony and stay for family pictures but are not allowed at the reception (but I’m secretly hoping that the kids will just decide not to come).”

But the OP was not happy about it at all.

“It’s my wedding and I shouldn’t have to invite anyone I don’t want to.”

“I don’t understand why his family doesn’t get that and why they’re so upset with me.”

“AITA?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in: 

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some couldn’t overlook the OP’s issue with the 17-year-old and her phone.

“Like a 16-year-old being on their phone will somehow ruin or detract from the wedding.”macaroni_rascal42

“Maybe she’s planning to make everyone relinquish their phones upon entering the locale of her nuptials.”

“Ugh, she sounds exhausting.”

“YTA. For starters.”sheridan_sinclair

“Don’t forget about the ‘anti-social energy’ that a 16-year-old being on her phone will bring upon the entire wedding!”glittereggs

“Ah, but you see, if the kid is looking at the phone they’re NOT looking at OP!!!! And it’s HER day. She NEEDS the attention. Obviously.”

“YTA OP… just wow. 14 and 16, I mean, even kid-free weddings have teens.”

“It’s the craziness of young kids and babysitters and crying that most ADULTS worry about when deciding to have kid-free weddings.”NuvStorm

Others pointed out the whole “my wedding” debacle. 

“What gets me is the last bit about its HER wedding. Nope it’s THEIR wedding and senor 17 yrs older then her gets a say as well.”Maggie_Mayz

“Her fiancé, who I feel compelled to mention is also getting married on the same day and at the same time, wants the kids there. That should be enough.”SamTheGeek

“I didn’t know you could marry yourself. All the weddings I’ve ever heard of had two people getting married.”ThievingRock

“‘It’s my wedding and I shouldn’t have to invite anyone I don’t want to.'”

“It’s not just her wedding. Not once in her entire post did she state her fiance’s opinion. I just heard ‘my my my’.”Flowerofiron

“OP, you’ve picked a strange hill to die on. Your fiance WANTS them at HIS wedding. That should be reason enough to have them there.”

“They aren’t small kids who can ‘ruin’ the wedding. I mean, if one of them was 18 instead of 15, they could go? Come on…”crystallz2000

A few also pointed out it’s not a “common courtesy.”

“It’s not at all common courtesy OP, that needs to be specified in the invitations.”macaroni_rascal42

“It doesn’t matter the age – if OP wants an 18+ or 21+ wedding that’s perfectly fine, it’s her wedding. She just needs to tell people that and not expect them to read her mind.”jkjwysa

“Her fiance is also one of the people she needs to not expect to read her mind. This should’ve been communicated and talked through a long time ago”jkjwysa

“Actually I’d say that if their names aren’t included, then don’t assume they’re invited. Not sure what kind of invitations OP has used, but if they’re formal, with an inner envelope and the kids’ names aren’t in the envelope, then it’s clear they’re not invited.”

“That said, I think OPs being a bit much about teenagers at the wedding. And her ‘vibe’ shouldn’t be affected by them at all. YTA.”rainyhawk

Though obviously everyone who wants to get married would like to have the perfect wedding, some things are not going to go as planned, and the planning requires some flexibility.

Also, the subReddit pointed out, considering other people’s feelings, especially when those people are family, is more important than the pretty decorations and vibe.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.