No bride wants a frown at their wedding.
But where is the line between accepting something and taking initiative?
Redditor RBF-Conundrum recently got married and decided to take her new brother-in-law’s resting b*tch face into her own hands.
The Original Poster (OP) touched her BIL’s face, showing him he should smile, and the results were not what she was expecting.
This drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for making fun of my brother-in-law’s Resting B*tch Face at my wedding?”
She went on to explain.
“I [30-year-old Female] got married to the love of my life late last month.”
“My husband [30-year-old Male] has a younger brother [28-year-old Male] who is very, very kind and sweet, and he’s got a bit of a shy-puppy demeanor to him, which is really endearing.”
“The only problem is that my BIL has a rather angry RBF. His eyebrows are always furrowed, even when he’s smiling, and his neutral face has him looking pissed off and unapproachable.”
“During the wedding reception, I was sitting at the table with my husband and his+my family members, and my BIL was sitting across from me.”
“He was just sitting there, looking angry as f*ck as usual lol, but I know that that’s just his normal expression.”
“I thought to myself that the other guests may be kind of scared by his expression, and so I cheerfully told my BIL to ‘turn that frown upside down!’”
“My BIL started smiling and he laughed, but then he fell right back into his RBF.”
“So I reached across the table, and I said, ‘come on, now’ and I used my index fingers to force the corners of his mouth upwards.”
“My BIL sort of freaked out, and he squirmed and pushed himself away from me.”
“Later that night, while my husband and I were in bed together, after the first day of officially being a married couple, my husband brought up the little thing I tried to do with my BIL’s mouth.”
“He let me know that that was kind of weird, and it made him and his brother really uncomfortable.”
“I told my husband that it was all just a joke, and it was nothing serious, but my husband got a bit incensed, and he bluntly told me…”
“…’one: don’t touch my brother, two: that’s just how he always looks, and there’s nothing wrong with that, and three: don’t touch my brother.’ That shut me up real quick.”
“AITA? I still feel as though it was all just a joke that everybody’s overreacting about.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“‘My BIL sort of freaked out, and he squirmed and pushed himself away from me.’”
“That didn’t make you realize he was upset? That didn’t make you think perhaps you had overstepped? Your husband should not have had to tell you anything in bed that night.”
“You should have been aware that you made his brother extremely uncomfortable, and you should have immediately apologized.”
“YTA. You not only touched/manipulated his face, but you also embarrassed him in front of other people by calling attention to something that is natural for him. And then you doubled down.”
“What did you expect the reaction to be? Laughter from the other people at the table at his expense? You would have been ok with that?”
“You are 100% in the wrong, and you owe him a sincere and heartfelt apology. Don’t excuse it by saying it was ‘just a joke’. This is beyond that.”
“And keep your hands off other people’s faces.” – NYDancer4444
“Yeah, YTA. Not just for doing it, but then for doubling down and acting like it was not a big deal when the BIL was upset.”
“‘So I reached across the table, and I said “come on, now,” and I used my index fingers to force the corners of his mouth upwards.’ –> That IS a weird thing to have done, sorry.”
“I would have found it immensely offensive.”
“If you genuinely felt that your BIL’s expression might (without his knowledge) be causing him social issues, then that’s a thing you could casually and gently bring up in private.”
“Embarrassing him with unwanted touching in the middle of a public meal isn’t the right way.”
“Your husband is absolutely right – there’s nothing wrong with his brother’s face, and if your guests can’t see past it to the person you love (the way you have) then that’s generally on them.”
“And finally – if someone brings up discomfort with ANY kind of unsolicited touching, it really doesn’t matter what your intention was.”
“The only correct response is ‘I’m so sorry that made them uncomfortable, I’ll make sure not to do it again.’” – TheVeggieWhisperer
“Let me pose you a question:”
“How do you feel when people tell you to smile? ‘You need to smile!’ ‘You’d look so much prettier if you’d smile!’ ‘Hey, baby, give us a smile!’ ‘Smile, and the world smiles with you!’”
“How condescended do you feel when people say that sh*t to you?”
“How annoyed and frustrated do you feel when people decide that they have a greater right to demand you appear a certain way than you do?”
“I suspect you weren’t motivated by ‘worry that people would think he was grumpy!’ and more by…”
“…‘I hate that my BIL always has a RBF, so I’m going to draw attention to it and physically force him to conform to what I want him to look like.’”
“You sound like the kind of person who tells people who confide in you they’re depressed to ‘just cheer up!’…”
“…or those with anxiety that ‘you’re silly for worrying about such a ridiculous thing!’ YTA” – DamnitGravity
“YTA, and you are doubling down.”
“As a person with autism, touching is not okay. Don’t touch people without consent, don’t demand someone perform in their face for you, and don’t physically force another person into a feeling.”
“No one gets to touch others without consent.”
“No one gets to tell others what their face should look like.”
“No one gets to demand someone perform for their pleasure, even if it’s their wedding day.”
“You do NOT need to touch another person to fix something, and that’s a very violating way of thinking.”
“I hope no one ever decides they need to touch you wherever they want to change your attitude and ‘fix’ you.”
“It is horrible to get physical with people when you are trying to control them.”
“If you had touched me like that, I would have physically grabbed your hands.”
“The fact that you think he needs fixing because of his appearance and not his actions says something needs to be fixed in you.” – CommonConfusables
“YTA”
“1. Don’t touch people without permission. AH move. Duh. Why does that even need to be said?”
“2. It was very condescending and rude. Can you imagine someone doing that to you? Most people would freak out – you’re lucky you were the bride or he might’ve slapped you.”
“3. Even just saying turn that frown upside down when he’s celebrating his brother’s wedding is an AH move as that’s something you tell a pouting 4-year-old – not a grown a** man.”
“You should very sincerely apologize to your husband’s brother. And NOT the Sorry, I meant it as a joke BS apology.”
“More like I was way out of line at the wedding – I am so sorry that I made you feel uncomfortable…”
“…I way overstepped my boundaries and I promise never to do anything like that again.” – AppropriateScience71
“YTA and your husband is absolutely right.”
“You talk about how nice your BIL is and that is just how he looks, so you know he’s not mad or anything along those lines.”
“You created a narrative in your own mind that other people at the event probably were thinking he was angry even though from what you said, no one mentioned anything…”
“…and then used that to not only poke fun at him for, as you said, how he naturally looks, but then cross the line into physically trying to force him to smile.”
“You even said he looks angry when he smiles anyway so sounds like it wouldn’t have solved anything anyways.”
“Take the L, apologize to your BIL for crossing physical boundaries and teasing him, and then do something nice for him to show him how much you do appreciate him.” – fighting_biscuit
The OP went on to provide an edit:
“EDIT: Wow, um, didn’t expect this to blow up. I was gone all day because I was flying for a work trip, so I only now got the chance to read the replies.”
“I just need to state that I had no bad intentions when I touched my BIL!”
“And, well, my BIL always looks likes he’s actually trying to frown as hard as possible…..he’s a perfectly nice guy, don’t get me wrong, but it just looks a bit menacing.”
“And, sometimes, in my humble opinion, it’s not all that bad to get physical with people every now and then. After all, you need to touch something if you want to fix it….”
Not sure the lesson is learned here…
What do you think, readers? Let us know in the comment below.