Weddings can really rub people the wrong way and get under their skin.
Redditor Wonderful-Target3072 unfortunately found this out the hard way when she was attending her friend's wedding.
An incident with the bride caused her to take to subReddit "am I the a**hole?" (AITA) to ask,
"AITA for leaving my "friends" wedding when she told me I needed to cover up my psoriasis?"
The original poster (OP) went on to tell her story.
"I [24-year-old Female] have psoriasis, it's all over my body and presents like vitiligo in a way, just so you can get an image in your head."
"I have medicated cream that helps with the itchiness, and also it helps with the dryness."
"The psoriasis is all over my body with it stopping right on my neck, and I do have a few spots on the sides of my face near my ears."
"I've always been pretty embarrassed as I cannot cake on enough makeup to truly cover my psoriasis as it is textured and thick, and on top of that, no matter what I do or however I attempt to apply said makeup it always looks horrible, my doctor also recommended not to smother the areas with makeup as it tends to make it worse and itchier."
"Anyways, onto the story. My friend's wedding was on Saturday and of course, I was invited."
"I bought a dress that would cover my body fairly well as I really didn't want to draw any attention to myself."
"The entire week leading up to the wedding I was continuously testing concealers on the remaining spots that were exposed, which only made me itchy and I basically scratched my skin raw."
"With psoriasis, those areas sometimes bleed if I scratch too much, which is what happened."
"My boyfriend who was attending the wedding with me told me I shouldn't worry about it and that it would be better if I stopped trying to cover them as it was just making it worse."
"I reluctantly agreed, and we attended the wedding ceremony."
"It was great, I was extremely happy for my friend and her now husband."
"But as we were leaving to go to cocktail hour, she pulled me aside and asked if I was going home to cover my psoriasis."
"I was a little taken aback and explained I couldn't as the entire week I had been testing concealers and it made it 20 times worse."
"She told me she didn't care and that this was her wedding and she didn't want her guests asking me questions or feeling queasy during dinner."
"My boyfriend stepped in and told her if that was the case we would be leaving and not attending the rest of the wedding."
"She was pissed off and extremely angry at that choice, and ever since then she's been ranting to our friends about it."
"AITA here?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided she was not at all the a**hole.
"NTA and honestly that would be the end of friendship for me." - ed_lv
"NTA."
"That would be the day our friendship ended and her blocked on everything, don't want her to be "queasy" from having to see the psoriasis."
"Also any friends that agree with her, are no longer mutual friends either." - Kassy_XOXO
"NTA it's not like you deliberately dyed your hair fluorescent pink, it's a disease and there isn't a lot you can do about it."
"Did she ask if the people on wheel chairs would be covering their chairs since she didn't want anyone asking question about it?"
"Brides are going too far these days! 🤦🏻♀️"- Lost_Special_9357
"NTA - I have eczema which can be pretty severe at times."
"If someone told me to cover it up because it made them queasy I'd said thank god you said that, your face is making me queasy so can you cover that up since we're being honest?"
"And that would be the end of our friendship."
"Your BF sounds like a keeper. Keep doing you OP, you rock." - ProfessorStrawbs
"NTA. And you should've grabbed your wedding gift and taken it back with you on your way out." - someperson717
"NTA. Nice fella you have there it sounds like."
"No need for drama at someone else's wedding, and neither is there any need to stay where you aren't welcome."
"This friendship sounds like its a lot of work on your behalf to manage her acceptance. Good riddance." - Phililoquay
"NTA. She's a raging AH."
"'Oh I'm so sorry that the skin condition I live with 24/7/365 might pull a single iota of attention from you on your wedding day.'"
"'Let me go put makeup on my skin, irritating it so it will BLEED later.'"
"Long answer short: you don't get to ask anyone to bleed for your wedding."
"That is not in the same galaxy as a reasonable request." - etds3
"NTA. Your "friend" is not your friend."
"My friend with psoriasis came to my wedding and no one had a god*mn thing to say about [it] and my husband I were just happy he was there to share in our celebration."
"Cut that dead weight out and f*ck anyone who is so concerned with the superficial that they would rather hurt someone they claim to care about than just love and accept them just the way they are." - Otherwise_Gear_9023
"NTA! That was insulting and rude. This is NOT a friend."
"While I don't normally believe in putting someone on blast...you have every right to tell your friends what REALLY happened. Hell, for this I might even post it to FB." - MbMinx
"Nope."
"As a full body psoriasis sufferer myself it not only is itchy, it's sore, uncomfortable, throbbing, embarrassing, depressing, messy and just outright sh*te."
"The last thing that you want to do, or anyone with an iota of compassion and caring would do is expect you to make a bad condition worse."
"Well done for looking after your physical and mental health first and your BF is a dude."
"Good decision. Also, if you can get onto a biologic, I'm not sure what country you're in, it is incredibly effective."
"Look after yourself, you don't need people in your life that make it harder." - Openmindedoldman
"NTA. You don't have to remain somewhere where the host is treating you like that."
"Big props to your bf for accepting you how you are and standing up for you when your "friend" was being TA."
"Edit: additionally, if she's that concerned, then leaving is providing her with a solution also."
"If she really truly doesn't want to handle someone having a medical condition near them, then you left. Problem solved." - Marcuse0
"NTA. I'd also rescind the gift and lose her number."
"What a sh*t friend. The audacity to say that."
"It's her wedding day and instead of focusing on the love of her life and one of the most memorable days of her life being surrounded by people who love them, she decided to take the time to ask you for a moment to shit on your medical condition?"
"What the actual F?"
"She's an AH and I hope her husband realizes what a sh*t stain of a human she is and divorces her."
"An absolutely disgusting human with zero class. I am SO sorry this happened to you."
"You are absolutely NTA. If I were your friend, I would have been so sad to hear you even tried on one concealer at all."
"I would have wanted you there and would have been so appreciative you (and everyone else) were able to attend my wedding and be a part of my day."
"I would not have been focusing on your medical condition and how it 'ruins photos'." - archetyping101
"NTA"
"I can understand it is her wedding, but if you can't cover it up because of a medical condition, she should not force you."
"Your boyfriend did the right thing to go home with you."
"She did not want to see the spots, you accommodated the only way you could, without making your condition worse." - PureSilverChaos
"NTA"
"She is not your friend, OP. Neither is anyone who is agreeing with her."
"Don't be ashamed of your body. Psoriasis can be so sore and uncomfortable, you've got to take care of your skin as best you can."
"Don't be making it worse to suit someone else's selfish agenda." - BeeMacca
"NTA."
"She's more worried about how your skin looks than your health. And well done to your boyfriend for sticking up for you! She's not a friend, forget about her." - Unique_Luck_817
"NTA, your boyfriend did the right thing by getting you both out of there."
"I'm sorry you have to deal with such ignorance and lack of empathy, but you're better off without said "friend" in your life. I pity her new family..." - cinekat
The post resonated with many fellow Redditors, so the OP went on to add an additional comment to her post:
"Wow this blew up, I am trying to read through all the comments that I missed during work, thank you all for the comments, awards and the recommendations too, it has given me a lot to consider."
"Once again thank you all!"
Maybe the next wedding bells will be between the OP and her rockstar boyfriend.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.