Redditor Proof_Breakfast_2256 is a 24-year-old bride who had to modify her wedding plans to a smaller scale due to the pandemic.
Her day was further inconvenienced when she permitted a wedding guest to participate in the tradition of speeches at the last minute.
It did not go well.
When her reaction caused division within the family, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for ignoring my mother-in-law after she made an announcement at my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I was married recently to my childhood sweetheart (Male 24). Pretty small due to [the virus] but it was planned well in advance so we didn’t cancel, just kept it to family, and we plan to have a party with everyone else at a later date.”
“For some background on my husband, his parents had him pretty young (18 and 19 respectively), and he has a very close family.”
“Our wedding reception was quite intimate, but we had the traditional speeches planned: father of the bride, best man (husband’s brother), groom.”
“It was only the day before that my mother-in-law asked if she could have the mic to say a few words when we sat down to eat, and we said that would be great, but that she would need to go before my husband.”
“Stupidly we figured she would talk about us at our wedding so we never asked what she planned to say. Big mistake 🙂 She announced that she’s expecting a baby.”
“She’s still pretty young and very healthy but it was a huge shock that just completely took over all night. What’s even worse for me is that I am also pregnant and we planned to announce it at the wedding, but I told my husband to just leave it out of his speech.”
“Everything felt a bit sour for me after that, so.”
“After the wedding I didn’t speak to my mother-in-law for a few days and I got a call from her sister (a guest) to ask what was up. I explained that I felt like the attention was taken away from us without our permission (I would have said no, but still) and it was so unfair to spring that on us.”
“Apparently I ruined my own wedding because I was obviously pissed off about the good news and that I was being ‘totally selfish’. Maybe I was, but it was my wedding day that was already ruined by a pandemic!”
“Husband is on my side though clearly feels a bit uncomfortable telling his mum that, which I get as I don’t want to have this argument directly with a pregnant woman either.”
“The rest of the family is split down the middle (my side and his) because it was such a close family event anyway and ‘we all need some happiness’. Now I’m starting to wonder if I overreacted and spoilt everything.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors weighed in with their not the a**hole judgments.
“NTA. just because your MIL is pregnant doesn’t mean she isn’t an a**hole.”
“Everyone knows that announcing pregnancy/engagement or anything else significant is totally taboo at a wedding. This was not an oversight. You should have continued to announce your own baby news anyway (that would have diluted her news).”
“Congratulations on your wedding and your baby news.” – Maximoose-777
“Yeah that’s not cool, MIL was just trying to steal your thunder, OP and that was your day to enjoy. NTA.” – AsianRainbow
“NTA. You NEVER make a personal announcement at a wedding without the couple’s knowledge and permission.” – SolitaryTeaParty
“It’s kind of ridiculous how angered I am for OP at what the MIL did. I remember when I was engaged and thinking about how livid I would be if someone announced a pregnancy or got engaged or something at my wedding, and I was pretty cool with alot of untraditional stuff.”
“It’s ABSOLUTELY NEVER okay unless there’s been explicit permission from the couple. NTA.” – Sayeds21
“Oh my word. I mean — of course you assumed she would talk about you and your husband during the toast portion of your wedding.”
“I cannot believe she announced that!! Of course you’re NTA. She absolutely knew what she was doing by 1. Not telling you the reason she wanted to speak and 2. Speaking in the first place.” – Ok-Baseball-1230
Some people offered retaliatory suggestions against the mother-in-law (MIL).
“OP should plan and hold a baby shower that appears to be for MIL, only without explicitly saying it is. You know, make MIL simply think it’s for her, when it’s actually for OP.”
“Maybe have a small cake for MIL and her baby, but a much bigger cake for OP (do baby showers have cake? Whatever. Have cake anyway).” – UnimaginativeLurker
“NTA. I can picture a speech at the celebration going like this “‘As we all know we are here to celebrate the new life Mil will soon be bringing into the world!'”
“‘I just want to say how happy I am for her as well as im so happy that my soon to be new Bil or Sil will be able to grow up along side with their niece or nephew’ then holds hand to stomach. Imagine her furry and if she throws a tantrum the hypocrisy!” – Entire-Ad-8406
In an update, the OP addressed some of the recurring comments in the thread and answered specific questions.
“Firstly, my husband WAS planning to speak to his mother in a week or two, just not straight away.”
“A few reasons for this: he’s angry and he didn’t want to blow up at a woman who’s still around that sensitive pregnancy stage, he wanted time to cool off, he wanted to give her a chance to reflect and apologise on her own.”
“I respect this decision 100%. He is my rock and I will not hear a word against him.”
“Secondly, my MIL is only 42. I’ve seen a few comments that are quite shaming about her age which are making me quite uncomfortable. She wants to be a grandmother and I think finding out would have made her really happy, but I didn’t want to attach how I felt in that moment to the announcement of my little one.”
“On a similar note, I didn’t want to be thinking about this after my wedding either, which is partly why I blocked her out.”
“Thirdly, my petty revenge self would love her to have a baby shower but I really doubt it.”
“They’re not such a big thing in the UK and despite how she seems she’s actually really good about the restrictions that could still be in place. Her birthday is in May though, so I’m not ruling anything out…”
Overall, Redditors agreed that when it comes to announcing life-changing news, there is a time and place – and weddings are not one of them.