Wedding days have a funny way of bringing out the worst and most questionable in some people.
And when they don’t get away with their bad behavior, they come up with some inventive explanations for why they’re actually not the problem, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Zealousideal-Pin5826 was left feeling uncomfortable about the additional invitation that her biological parents wanted for her wedding.
But when they started lashing out about her being against the LGBTQ+ community, the Original Poster (OP) decided enough was enough.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for excluding my parents’ throuple partner from my wedding?”
The OP was not very close to her biological parents.
“I (27 Female) was raised by my maternal grandparents. My parents (46 Male and 56 Female) are ‘free spirits’ who didn’t want to settle down and raise a child.”
“Whatever. I saw them every few months when they would come by. Eventually, they stopped coming. I didn’t miss them. My grandmother and grandfather were my parents.”
She still invited her biological parents to her wedding, though.
“I am getting married in March and my invitations have all gone out.”
“I invited my parents as guests. They are not part of the wedding or anything like that.”
“I wasn’t going to invite them but my grandfather asked me to please let my bio mom be a part of my day.”
But then they surprised the OP with a request.
“About a week ago, I spoke with my biodad. He wants a plus-one on their invitation.”
“All of my guests already received a plus-one on their invitation unless they are part of a couple.”
“I have not seen him in years so I thought maybe they had another kid and hadn’t mentioned it.”
“Nope. Apparently, he and my mother have a man in his thirties that is a part of their relationship.”
The OP had her reservations.
“While neither my fiance nor myself are particularly religious, and I have no objections to polygamous relationships in general, I would prefer not to have to deal with that at my wedding.”
“I told him that he and my mother were invited as a courtesy and that they had no parental privileges for me to consider.”
“He said that excluding their partner was mean and that he wouldn’t have left me with my grandparents if he knew they were going to raise me to be prejudiced.”
“I have spoken with my grandparents about this. Both sets. Nobody knew anything about this. So it seems that they were going to use my wedding to introduce this guy to the families.”
The OP set a series of boundaries for her wedding day.
“I called him back and was very firm. I told him that I have spoken with my wedding coordinator and made sure that no uninvited guests come to my wedding.”
“Since we are having the reception at a resort hotel in my city, they have security.”
“I also spoke with the manager and explained that I might have uninvited guests trying to get into my wedding reception.”
“He said that security would escort anyone like that off the property and call the cops if needed.”
“All of this was relayed to my parents. Now they are complaining to everyone. I am dealing with it by telling everyone who calls me to fight for them exactly why I am excluding the person they want to bring.”
“I just talked to my mother and she screamed at me for telling people her private business.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were against the idea of the OP’s wedding day being overshadowed with drama.
“So they were planning to overshadow your wedding by using that as an opportunity to introduce their throuple partner and their new lifestyle to everyone.”
“Now your biomom is upset that you are ‘telling her private business’ before she gets the opportunity to do it at your wedding?!”
“NTA. I’m so glad you had grandparents to step up and be parents, OP. Congratulations to your partner and best wishes to the bride.” – Avlonnic2
“The biomom doesn’t want OP airing their private business, but by bringing this third person to the wedding, everyone would know, and this would probably upstage the bride and groom.”
“That’s yet another reason not to allow this random guy.”
“NTA.” – Zestyclose-Gas1150
“Just save the hassle and uninvite them.”
“They’re not parents. They’re not friends. They’re not respectful of you or your plans for your wedding.”
“They established years ago that no relationship was what they wanted. Honor that wish. Tell your grandfather you attempted, but the drama they’re already interjecting is too much for you.” – Dire88
“You only agreed to invite your parents as a courtesy to your grandparents. You’ve upheld your end of the bargain and owe them nothing, especially when they want to use your wedding as an excuse to parade around a boyfriend.”
“If your bio mom doesn’t want people knowing her ‘private business,’ why is she so set on bringing this guy to a wedding where she knows everyone? I’m guessing as your grandfather specified wanting your bio mom there, she’s their daughter. So she knows everyone will find out.”
“My guess is they were hoping to cause drama by showing up with the boyfriend in tow to get a reaction. So by telling everyone the situation beforehand, you’ve effectively ruined it for them.”
“NTA but I’d just uninvite them to save the hassle. Even if they don’t try to bring in the other guy, you don’t know how they might behave out of spite.” – DiamondKitsune
“NTA.”
“Ignoring the poly angle for a moment, it sounds like your parents are trying to upstage your wedding; that’s crass all by itself, and a legitimate reason for you to decide you don’t want them there.”
“They’re not there to celebrate you; they’re there to tell people about their latest excitement. Tell them they can send holiday cards to everyone announcing the happy expansion but your wedding day is about your wedding.” – literorrery
Others agreed and didn’t think the issue was about polyamory acceptance at all.
“You’re giving a plus-one to singles so they’re not on their own.”
“You are under no obligation to give a plus-one to a couple.” – Straight-Singer-2912
“What if they both had several partners each that they viewed as essential to their polyamorous relationship? Would they expect you to invite all of them? They are being ridiculous. NTA.” – EmeraldBlueZen
“This entire situation, as you so beautifully described it, is why people get so p**sed off at the extreme left (and I’m pretty liberal!).”
“When you’re so left that it actually turns into prejudice against anyone who doesn’t embrace your same ‘I’m a true nudist at heart so whhhyyyy can’t I be naked at your wedding?!’ philosophy (okay, not exactly this situation but you get my point), you really need to take a step back and examine your philosophy, dude.” – nuncacasada
“Eh, I think that because they’ll both already have each other and don’t have to worry about being alone at the wedding, and they’re mostly being invited out of obligation it’s different, so I’m going with NTA.”
“If somebody else who you had a strictly positive relationship with happened to be poly and have a third that they wanted to bring along, and you didn’t invite them, then I’d say YTA.”
“But that’s not the case, it’s your parents, and your parents, in particular, weren’t great, so you don’t owe them this.” – Appropriate-Value54
“What a disgusting abusive thing your bio dad said, ‘He said that excluding their partner was mean and that he wouldn’t have left me with my grandparents if he knew they were going to raise me to be prejudiced.'”
“How does he have the gall to throw in your face the fact that he abandoned you as a child? Uninvite them both, and have a serious talk with your grandparents about why they want you to keep such people close to you.” – WithEyesWideOpen
Some pointed out the parents were lucky to be receiving an invitation at all.
“NTA. This doesn’t sound like it’s about a prejudice about polyamory so much as it’s about not wanting some random stranger at your wedding. And not owing your parents anything, they’re lucky they’re getting an invite at all.” – Appropriate-Value54
“Go back to your birth parents and clarify, your Mom has an invite and she gets to bring a plus-one.” – cali20202020
“At this point, I think it would be perfectly acceptable for OP to uninvite her ‘parents.'”
“The gall on them to turn her wedding into a coming out party for them and then complain that she beat them to it when they send their flying monkeys to browbeat her into giving them their way.”
“The real cherry on top of this s**t sundae is bio dad claiming they wouldn’t have abandoned OP if he knew it would result in not getting his way at her wedding.”
“I mean, wow. So now he’s insulted his wife’s parents by insinuating they are bigots, insulted himself and his wife by implying they left their child to be raised by bigots, and insulted OP by insinuating that if only she behaved as a bigot as a child they wouldn’t have abandoned her?”
“Their mental gymnastics boggle the mind!”
“Personally, I think this would be the straw that broke the ‘no contact’ camel’s back for me, OP.”
“I hope you have a fabulous wedding and cut out anyone who doesn’t support whatever decisions you make about your bio parents!” – formidable-opponent
“They run their mouths off to family because FaMiLy neglects the fact THEY DID NOT RAISE HER.”
“Why would this birth giver and sperm donor get any special accommodations and think they deserve it?” – ABeggyChooser
“There is no way having them there is going to cause anything but stress for the OP. I think she needs to talk to her grandfather about how even inviting just ‘mom’ is a risk to a day that is about the kid she didn’t want.”
“The grandparents taught her what love looks like and she’s been able to find a partner, and didn’t grow up damaged by the actions of her ‘parents.'” – sharkeatskitten
The subReddit was left shaking their heads over this one and hoping that the bride had avoided the potential drama by having these tough conversations prior to the wedding.
The biological parents wanting to announce their relationship was acceptable, but they could do that anywhere, rather than at someone’s wedding.