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Bride Upsets In-Laws By Rejecting FIL’s Offer To Walk Her Down The Aisle In Favor Of Her Sister

A bride hugging another woman.
FG Trade/Getty Images

Even though some wedding traditions, such as jumping the broom or a father giving their daughter away have somewhat antiquated origins, many couples proudly continue to carry them on.

As the meaning behind these traditions may have also evolved, and hold special meaning to brides and grooms.

However, many contemporary brides and grooms don’t feel beholden to carrying out these traditions, even if their friends and family wish they might.

Redditor Capable-Emergency453 didn’t grow up with a present mother or father.

Knowing this was the case, the original poster (OP)’s soon-to-be father-in-law (FIL) offered to walk her down the aisle at her upcoming wedding.

While appreciative of the offer, the OP had another idea as to who would get to perform the iconic wedding duty.

A decision that didn’t please her FIL one bit.

Wondering if she was being insensitive to her FIL’s feelings, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for rejecting my FILs offer to walk me down the aisle and insisting my sister will be doing it?”

The OP explained why her future FIL was so incensed regarding her decision as to who got to walk her down the aisle:

“This is a dispute my fiancé (26 M[ale]) and I (25 F[emale]) are having with his parents.”

“A few months ago his dad offered to walk me down the aisle even though he and my fiancé’s mom knew I had already asked my sister to do it.”

“At first I thought it was sweet because they explained it as my sister could be my bridesmaid or matron of honor.”

“But I explained my sister wanted to and I wanted her to as well.”

“But they have not let it go and now they’re offended that I refused the offer.”

“Context on why my sister: she raised me and our siblings.”

“She’s the oldest and was parentified when she was way too young.”

“She was our savior.”

“She was our everything.”

“I love her more than I can express.”

“She gave up a childhood and her young adult life for us.”

“And she did an awesome job for a kid but it was really unfair.”

“It changed our relationship forever.”

“We will never have a typical sibling relationship and I respect her the way I would respect my parents if they were good parents and people.”

“My sister never should have been put in the position she was.”

“She never deserved to have her childhood taken away or most of her 20s.”

“It wasn’t right but it was our reality.”

“The two of us are especially close and I have always tried to honor her for everything while also having a more mutual give and take relationship as adults.”

“But moments like this, for us, are when she deserves to shine and have a spotlight on her for doing what she did for me/us.”

“Nobody in my life deserves this honor more.”

“And it wouldn’t be anywhere near as meaningful with anyone else.”

“She gets an extra special role in the wedding and some details are being figured out still.”

“But this is something that we’re doing.”

“She might only be 10 years older than me but she has been the best parent and sister and friend anyone could ask for.”

“My fiancé understands this perfectly and has been on my side.”

“He has spoken to his parents to get them to stop.”

“But they have made it clear they feel I am rejecting FIL and saying he’s not good enough.”

“They feel like I should be looking to them more as parental figures because I don’t have the traditional ones myself.”

“I don’t.”

“But I have my sister and she’s the person responsible for who I am today.”

“I know they take issue with a woman so close in age to me doing what is typically the role of a parent.”

“I know it’s kind to offer to do it.”

“So I ask, because this has created so much drama, AITA for rejecting FILs offer?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for choosing her sister, and not her FIL, to walk her down the aisle.

Everyone agreed that the OP, and no one else, had the final decision as to who got to walk her down the aisle, and her FIL’s anger at her choice was selfish, as he was only thinking of himself, and not what the OP wanted.

“The walk down the aisle is symbolic.”

“It’s a symbol of the bride being ‘moved’ from one family into her new family with her partner.”

“Like you said, you are who you are today, because of your sister and how she raised you.”

“For you, the symbolism of having your sister stand up with you is what matters, not that an ‘actual’ parent gives you away.”

“There’s nothing to say but, ‘FIL didn’t raise me, my sister did. I want HER blessing in this marriage, which is why I’ve asked her to ‘give me away’.”

“‘I won’t accept any alternative in this matter, because THERE IS no alternative to my sister’.”

“‘There is no rejection in my saying this, only truth of what my sister has given me, and my desire to honor and thank her for everything she’s done’.”

“NTA and congratulations.”- KBD_in_PDX

“Geez, NTA.”

“Why do I get the impression this will be just the first of many issues you are going to have with your meddling in-laws?”

“Use this as an example of setting boundaries with them; that is, NO MEANS NO.”

“Good luck.”

“And be thankful your fiancé has your back when dealing with his family.”- PyrBox001

“What an awesome way to honor the person in your life that helped make you who you are today!”

“BRAVO for taking this initiative to show her how special she is to you.”

“For all intents and purposes your sister is your parent as well.”

“MIL and FIL really need to understand this and get over their feelings.”

“If your father was here he would do it so FIL would not do it anyway.”

“NTA and congratulations.”- mynameisnotsparta



“It is 100% your choice who walks you down the aisle.”

“The officiant asks how in one form or another, who is presenting the bride into marriage.”

“I am not saying a FIL can’t, but it certainly is more contra tradition than an actual blood relative/long time family friend.”

“I wish you the best, but you need to keep your guard up with future decisions (kids and their schools/sports/how they dress, where you all will live….) if this is actually causing trouble.”- catskilkid


“My guess is they would be totally fine if you had a brother walking you down the aisle and what bothers them most is that it will be a woman.”

“Your husband needs to tell his parents to get over their out-dated views on this and recognize the special role your sister had had in your life.”

“He also needs to tell them the decision had nothing to do with how you feel about hem, but unfortunately they are now damaging their relationship with both of you because they won’t let it go.”- Used_Mark_7911

“Here’s a thought, suggest that your sister take your future MIL’s place for the Mother/Son dance as a compromise and see how that goes.”

“When they undoubtedly say that’s ridiculous say they are rejecting your sister and making her feel like she’s not good enough.”

“NTA BTW!”- SandbergForever


“Like so many stories on here, your future in-laws are making your wedding about THEM instead of you.”

“Ask whoever you want to walk you down the aisle.”

“It’s important to set these boundaries now.”- RoyallyOakie


“The wedding march is an incredibly personal moment, and it’s essential that you’re comfortable and joyful during that walk.”

“Your sister clearly plays a significant role in your life, and that should be honored.”

“It’s wonderful your fiancé supports your choice this united front will be crucial as you navigate future family dynamics.”

“Setting clear boundaries now is healthy for everyone involved.”

“Remember, conceding now could set a precedent for future compromises on big moments and decisions.”

“Stay true to what feels right for you.”- BakerZealousideal623

It would be one thing if the OP had no real family of her own, and no obvious choice to walk her down the aisle, and her FIL was only trying to help her out and be there for her.

That, however, isn’t the case, as the OP was very determined that her sister, the only real parent she ever knew, was the one to carry the honor, and her FIL seemed to only want more attention.

One hopes the FIL gets over his petty disappointment before the wedding, and that it will be a day full of love like the OP so rightly deserves.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.