Weddings are incredible, memorable events, but they have a terrible habit of bringing the worst out in people.
Sometimes it can go so far as to divide families, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Anonymousbridesmaid3 was taken aback when everyone received a plus-one invitation except for her, despite being the sister of the bride and a bridesmaid.
When she realized her girlfriend also wasn’t invited, the Original Poster (OP) realized what might be happening amidst the wedding planning.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for wanting to bring my girlfriend as a date to my sister’s wedding instead of one of the groomsmen?”
The OP was surprised by her sister’s wedding invitation.
“Help me out and tell me if my request is reasonable. My sister’s wedding is coming up 5 weeks from this Saturday. I’m a bridesmaid.”
“When I agreed to be a bridesmaid, I understood I would have to walk down the aisle beside one of the groomsmen, stand beside him in some pictures and sit at a table with him and the other bridesmaids and groomsmen. No problem.”
“I’m in a relationship and I assumed my girlfriend would be invited to the wedding or I could bring her as my plus 1. Last week the invitations were sent out and my girlfriend wasn’t invited and I wasn’t given a plus 1.”
“When I brought this to my sister’s attention, she said the groomsmen (I’ll call him John) is my date. She told me John is single so it made sense to ‘pair us up’ and have us be each other’s dates.”
What had happened so far didn’t align with the invitations.
“Me not getting a plus 1 is not about cost savings. My parents are dropping at least $75k on the wedding; the expenses skyrocketed during the planning.”
“It’s not a destination or out-of-town wedding. My sister wanted a beachfront venue and the one she booked costs over $20k.”
“The maid of honor, the best man, and all of the other bridesmaids and groomsmen were given a plus 1, and so was every other guest.”
“None of the other wedding party members are married either and the full guest list wasn’t kept to spouses only. This came out of the blue.”
“A few months ago, I showed my sister a picture of the dress my girlfriend bought for the wedding, and my sister’s exact words were, ‘I can’t wait to see her wearing it.’ She didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me I wasn’t getting a plus 1 or my girlfriend wasn’t invited. I found out when I got the invitation.”
The OP thought her sister should be able to attend the wedding.
“I have nothing personal against John, but I’ve never met the guy, and being that I’m a lesbian, I don’t date men. I’ve been out for 15 years.”
“I took a girl to my prom. My parents and sister have taken me to pride parades in the past. My girlfriend of 3.5 years has been welcomed to family events and holidays with no negativity.”
“Everyone knows I’m gay and it’s never been a problem but now I feel like it is.”
“My sister complained to my parents about my request, and they sat me down and said while they are fronting the money, they aren’t involved in the planning, and my sister can do as she pleases.”
“I was reminded it is her day and not mine, and demanding changes to the guest list is self-centered.”
The OP had mixed feelings about the wedding after that.
“I’m honestly shocked this happened.”
“Part of me just wants to say screw it and not go, but I’m a bridesmaid, and finding a replacement in under 6 weeks would be difficult. As angry as I am with my sister and parents, I don’t want to disrupt the wedding.”
“The guilt is adding to my confusion. I feel like it’s homophobia no matter what my sister and parents say to that.”
“Was it wrong of me to ask my sister to add an extra spot to the guest list?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP that the situation felt homophobic.
“She’s asking you to be straight for a day OP. For looks or balance or what, I don’t know. It is incredibly rude to your girlfriend and invalidates your relationship.”
“Also, the fact that you’re gay, are open and proud about it, and shouldn’t have to hide it just for your sister. It’s homophobic as f**k, regardless of how nice they’ve been to you and your girlfriend beforehand, and just rude.”
“You absolutely can pull out, and you should tell your sister it’s either your girlfriend or time to find another bridesmaid.” – sup1234566
“She is asking for you to be straight for whatever reason. It is homophobia and I don’t care what her past treatment has been of OP.”
“As of now, she is a full-fledged homophobic anti-LGBTQ b*got. Her fiancé and his family might be the catalyst but this is who she is down deep. So are the parents.”
“I would do the nice thing. I would still be in the wedding and when everyone asks where my girlfriend is, I would say – oh she wasn’t invited. My sister wants me to date the groomsman.” – noonenottoday
“Parents are not chill at all. They’re allowing one of their daughters to use their money to express homophobic views over their other daughter.”
“If they were chill, they wouldn’t allow this, let alone condone it and pay for it. The parents suck just as much as their daughter if not more.” – MrsBarneyFife
“You said, ‘My sister can do as she pleases and I was reminded it is her day and not mine.'”
“They’re totally right. It’s her wedding and she can do as she pleases for her wedding, but as a human being with free will and all that jazz, you can too!”
“Even if, ‘best’ case, she’s completely accepting of your girlfriend and she doesn’t want her there because of the groom’s family, she’s still being homophobic by catering to them.”
“She can be as homophobic as she wants while pretending she’s not, but that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate it.” – SparkAxolotl
Others agreed and said the parents were unfortunately homophobic, as well.
“OP’s parents need to stand up for their daughter. It’s easy for parents to tell the wronged child to suck it up to keep the peace, but being a parent isn’t supposed to be easy. They need to do the right thing.” – type1error
“I have two daughters. I would have said either the sister is treated at least equal to the other guests, or we are neither paying nor coming.”
“The parents are homophobic if they support homophobia.” – VirtualMatter2
“I hope the parents aren’t tolerating this blatant homophobic treatment of their daughter either. If I’m dropping at least $75k on my child’s wedding, the very least that child can do is not subject my other child to homophobia.”
“If the sister cares so much about potential homophobes on the in-laws’ side, she should get them to pay for the wedding then.” – lefrench75
Some advised the OP to not attend.
“I don’t think it’s even about OP being a bridesmaid. If this were my sister treating me this way and my parents were completely bowling out I would not go to the wedding at all.”
“It doesn’t sound like OP is welcome at this wedding unless she plays it straight for her sister and IMO that is really insulting and degrading.” – mKitty3333
“Parents seem chill. Sis is worried her in-laws will get their knickers in a twist over her gay sister.”
“When people show you who they are, believe them. I’d cut up the bridesmaid dress and mail it to my sister along with an RSVP card checked, ‘We regretfully cannot attend.'”
“By ‘chill,’ I meant that OP’s parents have included OP and her girlfriend in the past without incident. Based on OP’s own words, her gayness hasn’t been a problem for them in the past. They are probably sick of bridezilla’s shit and just want the wedding over with.” – chickenfightyourmom
“OP should quit the wedding. She’s still gay, even if she’s sat next to a straight guy. If they don’t want gay people at the wedding she shouldn’t go. It’s what the bride wants after all.” – charliesmum97
The subReddit could understand the OP’s confusion, especially since she was a bridesmaid, the sister of the bride, and also the only person attending the wedding who didn’t receive a plus-one invitation.
Whether she decided to stay in the wedding or not, it was clear there were some potential problems on the horizon for the OP with her family, even if it was because of the new in-laws in the picture.
Taking a stand now for herself and her girlfriend might be the best thing, the subReddit agreed, so the OP doesn’t accidentally set up a precedent, with her family or the new extended members, that they can mistreat her for being a member of the LGBTQ+ community.