The big events — birth, death, weddings, and so on — happen rarely.
So what happens when you’ve set your big event down in stone for several months, and all of a sudden a family member has a big moment of their own and they demand attention?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Training_Spring1659 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for making my mom choose between my wedding and my sister’s first child birth?”
A succinct start.
“Basically the title.”
“I’m finally getting married in two months’ time (💃💃) after a year of planning and everything has been going to plan so far with no hiccups.”
No complications until things got complicated…
“That was until my mother called me earlier in the week to ask me to postpone my wedding by at least a month.”
“My sister is currently pregnant, and her due date is July 17th.”
“My sister asked my mother to be there for her for the whole of July since the due date is just an estimate, and this is her first baby.”
“Long story short, the father of her child is my ex-boyfriend- whom she was sleeping with while we were dating.”
“So we don’t have a relationship with one another.”
“I’m not willing to postpone my wedding for my sister, and I told my mother that and also that she just simply needed to choose who she wanted to support.”
“She’s been fence-sitting, and that’s why we’re here.”
“She says I’m forcing her to make an impossible decision, and my aunts are also trying to convince me to postpone.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I know she’s also mom’s child and wants her there for her, but I also want her there for me and I’ve already waited a year for this, and everything is already planned.”
OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Some felt there were deeper issues here.
“Don’t for a second even consider postponing.”
“Sounds like your sister is devoted to ruining everything in your life that she can.”
“That seems like a deep-rooted psychological problem or just pure evil.”
“Your mother can make her own decision. You don’t specify how she reacted to your sister’s betrayal.”
“But you should celebrate your happy marriage with people who want to be there for you.”
“Obviously NTA for refusing to postpone.” ~ choppedliver65
“My thoughts exactly.”
“It sounds like her sister can’t stand to see her happily moving on and getting married.”
“Her sister expected her to just keep pining away for the cheater that she’s now stuck with.”
“NTA.” ~ doobieduder
“Sister is always going to try this power play because she craves the feeling of being “victorious” (congratulations, you bagged a cheater – you totally pwned your sister).”
“It always tickles me when these parents and siblings decide to play these games without fully thinking of a long-term strategy.”
“Someone telling you ‘no’ is only going to get stronger and less easy to manipulate so that in the end, you’re left with few options and horrible optics.”
“You want to cry that your kids don’t know their cousins? Wait until people found out that you banged their aunt’s then-boyfriend.”
“Complaining that your daughter holds you at arm’s length?”
“Tell them that you skipped her wedding.”
“People are smart enough to know there’s always a reason why, and they’re crafty enough to whisper. The more dirt you pile on top of it, the more it looks like a grave.”
“(Also, the ex is referred to as ‘the father of her child’ – not her husband.)”
“(I’m willing to bet that cheater sister is p*ssed that in the time it took for OP to get over her heartbreak, find someone new, get engaged and plan a wedding, she couldn’t even get this guy down the aisle.)”
“What I’m really hoping in this situation is for OP’s MIL to come charging in to save the day.”
“No mother-of-the-bride photos? Let me get in there and fix that.”
“You need someone to help you with planning? Sure thing, dear – I’m here for you.”
“Set that couple up to become the sweetest, most doting in-laws so that when the kids and old age come, you pull sole focus.”
“That’s how you become the only game in town.” ~ [deleted]
The schedule won’t allow it!
“NTA”
“You wedding is on a particular date.”
“She can either make it or not.”
“You have a venue and vendors and your spouse’s entire side lined up.”
“Your sister wants you to inconvenience ALL OF THEM in order to have your mother with her FOR ‘AT LEAST A MONTH’? Don’t make me laugh.”
“Your sister and her issues sound like they could fill a psychologists’ convention for a month.”
“I’d let your mother know that everything has been booked for a long time.”
“Be very, very, very nice.”
“Tell her you are so sorry that the dates don’t work for her and will be happy to show her pictures when she’s able.”
“Be extra sweet, do NOT rise to the bait, and do NOT lose your temper.”
“Get a couple of sentences you can say ‘So sorry it won’t work for you, we’ve had everything booked’ or ‘We have such a large group and this was the date we had decided on long ago’, etc. etc.” ~ Straight-Singer-2912
Room for all.
“That’s what’s pissing me off. Mom could tell cheater sis ‘Your sisters getting married on the 17th. I will be with her from the 16th till the 18th and then I’ll be back.”‘
“Then mom can be with both. If cheater sis goes into labor in those 3 days?”
“Oh f*ckin well!”
“I’m sure cheater ex’s mom would love to be there. I’m sure cheater ex will too.”
“Cheater sis has options. She’s just trying to take EVEN MORE from op.”
“NTA op, not at all.”
“Tell mom she can spare 3 days away from your ‘sister’ to share your happiness cause c’mon, who tf demands someone give up a month ‘just in case”‘.
“I could understand if cheater sis was single and had no one , but she isn’t! And honestly I’d tell mom she can give me three days or I’m going nc!” ~ HeyPrettyLadyMaam
“Or she can plan to be away from cheater those days, and come back from the wedding if cheater does go into labour then.”
“I wish there was a way to make sure the cheater wouldn’t ask for an induction for the 17th” ~ mollydotdot
Many felt it wouldn’t stop at the wedding.
“OPs first child and Cheater’s child’s first something (baptism, communion, day of kindergarten/preschool, word, walk, roller coaster).”
“OPs first child vs Cheater’s second/third/fourth child (all with different baby daddies).
OPs first child and Cheater’s desire for a vacation without her child, or maybe just a night out with the cheating ex boyfriend.”
“OPs graduation (if still in school) and babysitting cheater’s child so she can go out and find another man (cause cheating ex boyfriend went and cheated on cheater sister.” ~ Mellestal
“Every single holiday.”
“If and when OP has her own children, the older baby will be favored.”
“Better gifts etc.”
“Sis isn’t married, just sleeping with ops ex. Sis is now a single mother.”
“Mom is now grandma. Grandma will never have time for OP, because ‘the baby needs….'”
“Whatever.” ~ ListenLittleGirl
Sis might not be the only villain here.
“The mom is planning to miss the wedding.”
“She was trying to manipulate OP into telling her it’s ok to miss the wedding which is bad parenting.”
“The Mom knows you can’t just push a wedding back a month.”
“The mom knows people have made travel plans and there no refundable deposits and there is no way of obtaining reservations a month later.”
“The Mon knows this is not possible.”
“This is fake request of something impossible for OP. This is manipulative attempt to make OP tell mom it’s ok to miss wedding. Manipulators make me so angry. “
“They are bad people.” ~ sdgeycs
“NTA your sister is something else and your mother clearly show who her favorite daughter is.”
“Sounds like your sister deliberately got pregnant to get your mum to missing your wedding.”
“One you’ve been planning the wedding for a year and you sister will give birth on the week leading to your wedding??”
“So the reason to rekindling relationship with your mum was to get you to postpone your wedding?” ~ Zealousideal-Work190
OP did return with some final thoughts.
“Thanks for all the comments.”
“Some of y’all are too petty and funny.”
“Posting my mil? Toxic but I love it!”
“My mom and I also have a not-so-great relationship due to her fence-sitting, and my wedding was supposed to be when we tried mending things but hey, what can we do?”
“I’m fine and just excited to get married.”
“Oh and since some were asking my wedding is the weekend before her due date and I might post an update with pictures (if that’s allowed) ❤️❤️”
We all want to be the center of attention sometimes, and we all need the comfort of family.
If your big event is just a reason for you to take someone else’s attention though, perhaps you should really think about what you’re celebrating.