Not only is wedding planning incredibly involved, but it’s also incredibly specific to the bride and groom.
Some will want a large wedding where they invite everyone they’ve ever known, while others will want an incredibly small and inclusive wedding with only their closest loved ones.
For those who love the small wedding vibe, it would make little to no sense to include plus-one invitations, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor WhoIsThisManAnyway was only weeks away from her wedding when her brother approached her, asking if he could bring his new boyfriend to the event.
But because he’d be introducing his boyfriend to everyone, including her, for the first time at the wedding, the Original Poster (OP) didn’t feel comfortable extending him an invitation.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not wanting a stranger at my wedding?”
The OP’s brother asked if he could bring his new boyfriend to her wedding as a plus-one.
“A couple of months ago, my brother told me he had been dating a guy and wanted to bring him as his guest to my wedding.”
“My wedding is a very small and intimate one, with only family and close friends of myself and my fiancée invited.”
“I asked who this guy was, and he wasn’t anyone I’d ever met before. My fiancée and I had taken care to only invite the people we are closest to, and I really didn’t want someone I’d never even met before to be there.”
“My brother wasn’t happy. He said it was the perfect opportunity to introduce his new boyfriend to the family.”
“I said my wedding isn’t for that; it’s for celebrating my marriage.”
The OP tried to help by coming up with another way to meet her brother’s boyfriend.
“To compromise, I suggested he plan a family dinner and bring his boyfriend to that. Once the dinner was over, I’d have met the boyfriend, so I’d probably feel more comfortable going to the wedding.”
“My brother agreed.”
“I followed up with him a week later, asking when the dinner was, and he asked me to schedule it.”
“I said I was in the middle of planning a wedding, and I felt he needed to schedule it.”
“I followed up later, and he said he wasn’t sure what day would work. He never brought it up after that, and neither did I because I was so busy.”
The OP couldn’t compromise anymore.
“My wedding is next week, and my brother still wants to bring his boyfriend, but I said no. I don’t want s stranger at my wedding.”
“At this point, it is too late to schedule a family dinner, because the next week is booked with wedding activities, and there’s no day I’ll have time to drive two hours to where the rest of the family is.”
“He says I’m being a d**k to not let him bring his boyfriend to a wedding.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP it was her wedding and she could do it how she wanted.
“OP, you’re NTA, and your brother is an id**t. I’m sure he has good qualities and you love him.”
“Can you ask him if he already told his boyfriend he was invited and that’s why he’s getting panicky? Because it sounds like he already told the guy he was invited and then forgot to actually follow your one requirement.”
“In any case, don’t get hung up on this. It’s your wedding, and you should get to enjoy it with your new spouse. Do what you think is best for your peace of mind long term [and I don’t know your family, you do], and have a pleasant day. Best wishes.” – Beamarchionesse
“NTA. If it were so important to your brother to bring a new dude to his sister’s Intimate wedding, he should’ve made the dinner for introduction happen. Now he’s just being an a**hole about it.”
“Our wedding had the same number of guests and my cousin also approached me about bringing his girlfriend, who was a stranger to me, just the day before.”
“I couldn’t f**king believe the nerve of him when he tried to haggle after I declined (he offered to pay for her food, as if that would somehow change the fact that I didn’t want any strangers at my wedding and even a bunch of my closest friends didn’t get a +1 simply because I didn’t know their partners well).”
“Some people seem just painfully oblivious, at least that’s 100% my cousin’s deal. Stand firm, absolutely NTA.” – MissSinnlos
“We had 65 people at our wedding. Three of them were surprise guests, girlfriends of my husband’s cousins, who were not part of the RSVPs (so there was a scramble to find room to fit them), and who are in all of the family pictures.”
“When my husband lamented to his family after the wedding, he was basically told to get over it, because ‘they would be getting married next, so they were ‘basically family.'”
“All broke up within the year, and 14 years later, I have wedding photos of family that all include these strangers (never even knew their names before they showed up, still don’t know them now).”
“I’m still a bit salty that I can name everyone at our wedding except those three (one of the goals of having a small wedding). NTA, OP.” – Apprehensive_Gene787
“NTA, not in this or any alternative universe. You’re completely correct that your wedding is not the place for your brother to introduce his new boyfriend. The suggestion of a dinner was perfect, and him not planning it shows he’s either the laziest bast**d on the planet or it really meant nothing to him.”
“He comes to your wedding alone or not at all, depending on what tantrum he now throws, but you have done nothing wrong.” – blinky_kitten_61
“NTA. It’s your day, your way. If it’s a small wedding without a bunch of plus ones, then why should he get a free pass? Your wedding is definitely NOT the venue for introducing a new partner to the family. Tell him no and go back to planning your special day. Good luck with your upcoming nuptials!” – RoyallyOakie
“Weddings are expensive; plus, you wanted to keep it small and intimate.”
“If your brother wanted to have everyone meet his new boyfriend, he would have set out an option of three or more dates for everyone to select in order to meet this fella. As he didn’t and the wedding is in less than two weeks, he forfeited his opportunity to introduce him to the family and therefore forfeited his date for the wedding.”
“It sucks, but you’re having less than 50 people there!”
LPT (Life Pro Tip) for your wedding day: remember to eat a small breakfast and hydrate throughout the day! It’s easy to forget to sip something when getting ready! Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!” – firenoodles
Others thought the OP had come up with the perfect compromise.
“OP, you do what feels right for you. If you let this guy come, upon that introduction say something prepared like, oh, I do hope we can chat at a more convenient time, cough cough, so it’s nice to have finally met you! Hope you have a wonderful time. END.” – Begs-2-Differ-7GA
“NTA, but there is something rather dodgy about your brother’s approach to this.”
“You were more than fair in allowing him to ease the boyfriend in with a family dinner, and he deliberately didn’t arrange it.”
“Why? Maybe laziness. Maybe acting out in protest against not getting his way immediately.”
“But maybe because the boyfriend has an unruly personality that puts people off?”
“In which case, an intimate wedding is the last place that should accommodate him.” – RealbadtheBandit
“NTA. Your brother is selfish. He wants you, the bride, to arrange a dinner in all the chaos of planning a wedding!”
“Yeah no, make sure you inform your parents of this situation NOW so later on they wouldn’t get a twisted version of the events.” – tunaricelemonjuice
“NTA. It’s your wedding and your rules.”
“You went above and beyond by suggesting your brother set up a dinner so you could meet him.”
“You reminded him, he asked you (the one busy with wedding planning) to set it ups, and you told him again to do it, and again (from your post, I see at least three times), and he did not do it.”
“He is obviously the AH. Was his plan that if his boyfriend came, you would cut their food and put their drinks in a sippy cup?” – catskilkid
“You’re not being a d**k, your brother is being unreasonable. I get wanting to share your new partner with your family and stuff, but a sibling’s small, intimate wedding is not the time nor the place for that.”
“You tried with the dinner and he blew it off, so that’s on him. Now he wants to complain and call you a d**k when you literally tried to find a way to resolve it? Nah, NTA. I hope he gets over himself and doesn’t make it an issue at your wedding.” – LeisurelyLife710
“You provided a means to make it acceptable as you made it clear it was an intimate wedding.”
“Your brother seemed to be lazy. If it meant that much for his SO (significant other) to be at the wedding, he would have gone through scheduling the dinner prior.”
“Enjoy your wedding, by the way!” – __dixon__
The subReddit was fully in support of the OP planning her wedding the way that made the most sense to her, especially since she wanted to go small and exclusive. Inviting someone who she hasn’t met before who her brother may have not been dating for that long didn’t exactly make sense.