Though weddings are primarily about love and commitment, they are also about fashion.
Everyone wants to look their best.
The couple of the hour especially wants their moment to shine.
However, this can all become a major issue.
Sometimes guests tend to outshine the couple.
Whether it’s on purpose or not, it often never sits right.
Case in point…
Redditor WatercressFickle8074 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my sister she will be insecure no matter what I wear to her wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“To preface this, I (27 F[emale]) and my sister (30 F) are both of Indian descent from the United States.”
“My sister is getting married in November, and currently, we are in the process of getting the clothes made for the wedding.”
“Indian weddings are usually quite large and extravagant with several events.”
“I, as the bride’s sister will be expected to dress very nicely, so I am having my clothes custom-made as well.”
“Yesterday we went to our first fitting for the outfits, and the moment my sister saw my outfits, she was upset.”
“I am having four different lehengas made, which are like a crop top and a long skirt made for her wedding events.”
“My sister on the other hand, is choosing to wear suits which are like a long tunic with baggy pants on the bottom.”
“My sister, once she saw me in the outfits, told me they were too revealing and would like me to wear something more toned down as she herself will be in a suit.”
“I’ll admit we both look very different and have different body types, so her choice of outfit is a much better fit for her.”
“She got even more upset when I pointed out that several of our cousins will be wearing similar outfits to the wedding.”
“She said she doesn’t care what they do but that I should let her have the ‘spotlight’ for this one event in her life.”
“Here is where I may be the AH, I told her that no matter what I wear she will be insecure and her insecurities are for her to deal with.”
“Indian moms can be quite blunt and I won’t lie our entire life my mom has pointed out just how different we look physically.”
“I can see why she would be insecure but I don’t see why I have to cater to her insecurities.”
“My mom agreed with me and told my sister I would be wearing the lehengas as that’s what looks best on me.”
“I’m not going to lie I think Indian suits look frumpy to me and I want to wear what flatters me.”
“I’d rather not even go if I wear a suit, they look better on more matronly women.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“So AITA in this situation?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“As an Indian, YTA!”
“Indian weddings are extravagant, and everyone dresses up because there is no fear of upstaging the bride.”
“However, in your scenario, the bride is dressing down, and so should you!”
“You will have your own moment when you get married.”
“And judging by the statements like ‘for once’ and your statements what will suit her makes you even worse AH!”
“Shows you are the golden child and that your mother pitted you against your sister!”
“I do hope she gets a lovely family, amazing in-laws who help boost up her confidence!”
“By the way, that lehenga?”
“That can easily be worn by a bride on mehendi function – seems like you deliberately want to appear more bridal than the bride!” ~ Background_League809
“Wanting to appear more bridal than the bride is an ugly look, no matter what she wears.”
“It’ll shine through.” ~ myironlions
“100%! I’ve been a bridesmaid/maid of honor 10+ times.”
“I wore the crap out of my ugly dresses and supported the brides because it wasn’t about me!”
“Some of the dresses were hideous, but it wasn’t about the dress. It was about supporting my loved ones.”
“I would’ve worn a potato sack if that’s what they chose.” ~ angelwarrior_
“Haha… me too, and even when I suspected the dress was deliberately ugly and unflattering, I wore it with a smile because it was NOT ABOUT ME.”
“OP, YTA. It’s your SISTER. Either support her to have the wedding she wants, the way she wants it or GTFO off the bridal party.”
“Not cool.” ~ Banjo-Pickin
“You’re a good friend.”
“I commend the friends that wear ugly dresses out of love and I expect nothing less from a good friend.”
“But having the bridal party, with people that are supposed to love and support you wear ugly dresses so you’re not outshined reeks of insecurity.”
“It’s a wild ask.”
“There is something really sad and ugly about needing others to look bad so you feel and see yourself as beautiful.”
“Especially when what makes a bride beautiful on her wedding day is that her joy and spirit are palpable.” ~ Gloomy_Mycologist_37
“Personally, I wouldn’t say wearing a lehenga would be more bridal because a fair amount of women at the wedding will be in lehengas or even saris which to me are even more bridal.”
“However YTA, there was no need to insult your sister in that way, if you felt uncomfortable with switching your dress to a more garage-style outfit maybe you could have tried to find a more middle ground.”
“It after all is your sister’s wedding, a day which should be about her and her partner.” ~ Saithly
“Exactly this! I was at my sister’s bridal party, and she ordered that all five of us attendants wear our long hair up.”
“She wore her long hair down.”
“My hair is my best asset, and I don’t like wearing it up, but I complied.”
“It’s not about you, sister, YTA.” ~ Megs0255
“Sounds like we have a golden child on our hands.”
“I’m also Indian. I waited until my sister ordered all her outfits and confirmed if what I was wearing was okay with her.”
“She’s my sister. If she told me to dress down, I would.”
“It sounds like there has been a lot of discussion about the body image of the bride.” ~ ProfessionalSir9978
“This is what surprised me though.”
“It’s a bit wild to me that they had already placed orders for custom clothing and that the bride hadn’t said something before ordering.”
“If this has been an ongoing issue in the family I would think the bride would have talked to OP about expectations before she ordered her things.”
“Unless the bride did talk to her sister already and sis ordered what she wanted anyway.” ~ Bunny__Vicious
“In Indian weddings, to be honest, brides rarely get to do anything more than just selecting their dresses and jewelry.”
“Parents decide whatever they want to do – venue, guests, time, and sometimes even the groom!”
“And looks like the bride here has been fed up with this notion that nothing else would look good on her (judging by the way wording in the OP).”
“So she chose a suit! A simple suit!”
“Yeah she cannot throw away other cousins and people but at the very least the sister could have selected a simpler lehenga, not a bejeweled one, or a saree a pre-stitched one!”
“Because this lehenga is not a sister-worthy one, this one is a bridal one to be worn on a sangeet or mehendi function.”
“Of course, being an Indian woman, I am sure that OP will wear this lehenga, wouldn’t care about the bride’s feelings, her parents will celebrate the OP and bride’s feelings, and it wouldn’t matter.” ~ Background_League809
OP came back with some info…
“She has had several suits made for her wedding, all of which have very heavy amounts of embroidery and crystals.”
“There is no way anyone will not think she is the bride.”
Reddit continued…
“Indian too. Completely agree.”
“I know the Indian ‘bluntness,’ and it is clear your sister gets the brunt of it, while you don‘t—and you know it.”
“It’s her day, not yours.”
“Your arrogance isn’t doing you any favors.”
“She should feel like she’s the most beautiful one in the room.”
“You should follow what the bride wears and dress accordingly.”
“Forget what your cousins are wearing.”
“As the sister, you know that you will be more visible than them. YTA.” ~ TheDogIsTheBoss
“I defer to someone from your cultural upbringing, OP.”
“I did think you were a bit of an a**hole.”
“Your sister too-because she doesn’t care that her cousins will be wearing similar formal wear and she doesn’t care.”
“And your mom one hundred percent for being a sh*tty mom who intentionally and systemically destroyed her daughter’s self-esteem and caused the ‘insecurities.'”
“She’s not insecure.”
“She’s been beaten down by your mother.”
“So much so that she has no value in herself.”
“That’s trauma from emotional and verbal abuse.”
“It’s being ‘cultural’ is no excuse.”
“I was close to an ESH.”
“But since you seem so haughty, and devalue your sister and agree with your awful mother YTA.”
“It doesn’t matter if you look ‘frumpy’ on HER wedding day.”
“It’s her damn wedding.” ~ TashiaNicole1
“YTA… and choosing to show up your sister at her wedding.”
“You’re just parroting your mother’s constant criticism of your sister.”
“Break the cycle.” ~ KronkLaSworda
Well, OP, Reddit is not thrilled with your choices.
This is not your day; it’s your sister’s.
You are clearly aware of the family dynamic with our mother.
Perhaps this time, you could help your sister out and allow this day for her to shine as she wants to.
Good luck.