For many, the weight loss journey/struggle is never-ending.
It can take a lifetime to reach a goal weight.
And that is a lifetime of many highs and lows.
So it’s always nice to have support from loved ones.
But not all loved ones want to see people looking and feeling their best.
Redditor Optimal-Weekend5065 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for losing weight for my friend’s wedding, although I’m already the ‘skinny friend?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 28) recently lost a fair bit of weight, and now my friend (F 30) is saying I’m trying to upstage her at her wedding.”
“My best friend ‘Emily’ got engaged at the end of last year and asked me to be a bridesmaid.”
“I was super happy and of course said yes.”
“In the past 3 years, I have put on some weight, about two dress sizes.”
“It didn’t really bother me until recently, so I decided to use the wedding as an excuse to lose some weight.”
“I just find it easier to do if I have a goal and an end date.”
“This past weekend, we were bridesmaid dress shopping, and Emily was acting kind of weird towards me, giving me funny looks and talking over me.”
“The two other bridesmaids (one I’m friends with, the other I don’t know very well) didn’t seem to notice, so I brushed it off, thinking she was just stressed.”
“Emily and I live really close to each other, so usually after something like this, we would hang out for the day at one of our houses.”
“At the end of the appointment, I asked her whose house she wanted to go to, and she scoffed and told me she was going home.”
“I asked what was wrong, and this is when she went off on me.”
“I don’t remember word for word what she said because I was so confused and shocked.”
“But these are the bits I remember- she basically said it was clear I was trying to lose weight to upstage her for her wedding.”
‘That I was already ‘the skinny friend’ and now I’m just trying to make it all about me, especially as I never cleared my weight loss with her.”
“She said I clearly knew what I was doing was wrong because I was still wearing oversized clothes to disguise my weight loss.”
“I just haven’t updated my wardrobe and prefer to be comfortable over wearing tight-fitting stuff.”
“I don’t consider myself skinny, but I am the smallest out of the four of us.”
“I also didn’t think about how changing my appearance would affect her vision for her wedding.”
“I’ve never been a bridesmaid before, so I don’t know if that was something I should have considered?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So I don’t think I’m the AH for losing the weight – unless I am? But AITH for not telling her I was going to lose weight?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“‘Cleared your weight loss with her?'”
“Is she f**king kidding?”
“That is the stupidest and most controlling thing ever. “
“Some people. SMH. NTA.” ~ Frosty-Wood
“Your body size is nobody else’s business. NTA.” ~ ScarletNotThatOne
“NTA. Crazy to make someone else’s health and weight loss about them.” ~ EnigmaGuy
“NTA, just because you’re a bridesmaid does not mean you have to clear everything past the bride, including losing or gaining weight.”
“Your body belongs to you.” ~ shadesod
“Right?!”
“I understand being envious of someone’s weight loss when you are unhappy with your own body, but to get mad and say they are trying to upstage you at your own wedding is delusional.”
A” true friend would be happy for you.”
“It seems she was only friends with OP because she was heavier as well, which made her feel better about herself.” ~ vegasbywayofLA
“Why are people so psycho about weddings?”
“So glad I got married at the courthouse!”
“I think it’s lovely for people who want a big wedding, and I’ve happily attended those, but it’s literally just one day.”
“It’s pathological to give THAT much of a s**t about it LOL.”
“OP is NTA.” ~ JuanJeanJohn
“As for the judgement, though, definitely NTA.”
“I’m currently in the process of losing weight as well, because I put on a couple of sizes a few years ago, and it’s definitely not easy, so I commend you for sticking to your goal. Congrats!” ~ kikazztknmz
“Right‽ Definitely NTA OP.”
“A) Your life doesn’t hit pause until the wedding is over.”
“The only time losing weight would be an issue is once the bridesmaid dresses have been bought.”
“Even then, you would just need to get it altered or exchanged for the correct size.”
“You definitely don’t need the bride’s permission to do anything to your own body.”
“B) Unless you told her specifically that you had been trying to lose weight (something you have every right to do), how does she know the weight loss isn’t a result of illness?”
“I’m always reluctant to bring up someone’s weight loss unless they’ve specifically mentioned they’d been trying to lose it because you never know what someone is going through.” ~ Kheslo
“NTA. Jesus Christ. I can’t take any more of these bride stories.”
“My two bridesmaids were smaller than me – a lot smaller than me.”
“But honestly, that thought never even crossed my mind at the time.”
“They’re my best friends!”
“They would have been my bridesmaids no matter what – if they were supermodels, if they were 800 pounds, if they had pink hair, hairy armpits, full body tattoos, whatever.”
“They weren’t my bridesmaids because of how they looked, or worse, because of how they made ME look!”
“They were my bridesmaids because they were my best friends and I loved them, and I wanted them to be there with me on my big day, no matter what.”
To the brides out there: If they’re hotter than you, prettier than you, thinner than you… Get over it!”
“That’s not what it’s about, and if you think that’s what it’s about… You probably shouldn’t be getting married.”
“Because you’re not in the right mental place to be starting a whole new adult life with someone else.”
“You have to love yourself first.”
“Get your sh*t together, get your priorities straight.”
“Don’t project your sh*t on the people who love you the most.” ~ Money-Possibility606
“NTA. Your weight is none of Emily’s business.”
“The only time it matters is after the dresses have been bought (and even then it’s just about telling the bride and organising alterations).”
“I am so sick of brides who think they get to control the weight or hair color of their bridesmaids.”
“Prepare yourself, OP.”
“Emily is probably just getting started.” ~ Cat_got_ya_tongue
“NTA. You’re not required to ‘clear’ personal health decisions with anyone, wedding or not.”
“Her reaction says way more about her insecurities than your actions.” ~ chapter_zero_99
“She wanted you to clear your weight loss with her first?!!!?!”
“How dare she!”
“Absolutely NTA, and she is being completely unreasonable about this.”
“Also, well done on the weight loss – losing weight is tough and takes a lot of effort.” ~ Impossible-Pen-1781
“NTA. It’s your weight, not attire, so it doesn’t need to match her preferences for the wedding.”
“Losing weight is a personal choice, and you’re not obligated to tell her about it.”
“Maybe she’s always been a bit jealous when you were ‘skinnier’ in her eyes.”
“Otherwise, she wouldn’t have noticed or reacted so negatively right away.”
“Hope things smooth over quickly for you guys.” ~ AilshaBilaiO_o
“NTA, you gotta be pretty insanely insecure to think someone else’s weight loss has anything to do with yourself.” ~ azaleafawn
OP came back to chat…
“Guys, I now know it’s LOSE.”
“I’m sorry for my dyslexia, I would go and edit all of them out, but…”
“1- I have been told there are many, I’m too lazy for that, and…”
“2 – I now think it’s hilarious how annoying you all seem to find it.”
“UPDATE: First off, thanks for all the support as well as all the spelling lessons, they have cheered me up a lot.”
“Not sure if anyone wanted an update, but you’re getting one anyway.”
“I called my friend as I’m currently away for work, so I couldn’t meet face to face.”
“Spoiler… it did not go well.”
“I started by telling her it was not my intent to make her feel any kind of way and tried to explain I had already been on my weight loss journey before she got engaged.”
“I asked her if she really thought that I would be vindictive enough to try and upstage her at her wedding.”
“Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say.”
“She started ranting about how I think I’m better than her, how whenever we go out together, no one ever looks at her, only at me.”
“I don’t think this is true, as she is very pretty and I’m pretty average looking.”
“Here’s where it gets bonkers bananas.”
“She told me that her ex-boyfriend (who recently got married) is going to be at the wedding, and for a while, he was thinking of leaving his (at the time) fiancée to ask me out, but my friend convinced him not to.”
“I had no idea any of this went on and would have been appalled because…”
“1- That’s just weird, and…”
“2 – He’s my best friend’s ex, and I’m now pretty sure she’s still in love with him.”
“I have been uninvited from the wedding, ‘unless I put the weight back on, then I can come but not as a bridesmaid.'”
“Safe to say I now have a new motivation to keep the weight off and shall not be attending any weddings in the near future.”
“She’s always had a temper and has flipped out at me over random stuff before, but nothing ever this insane.”
“I guess I’m going to have to get better at identifying red flags.”
Reddit is 100% with you, OP.
This bide has LOST all sense of decorum or decency.
Forget the wedding, she needs a therapist.
There are some deep issues she is not facing.
And that is sad, but she has no right to take it out on you.
You keep on your journey and put yourself first.
Good luck.