While they’re meant to be happy occasions, weddings have a way of bringing out the worst in some people.
And it’s not all people standing up to object during the ceremony.
The common drama culprit tends to be the bride herself, pointed out in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor inmyprincessera was taken aback when she read a text from the bride in the wedding party group chat detailing her expectations for the wedding.
The Original Poster (OP) was so hurt by some of the content in the text, so it didn’t matter to her later when she found out it was a prank text.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for dropping out of my cousin’s wedding party after a prank?”
The OP was happy to be in her cousin’s wedding party.
“My (26 Female) cousin (29 Female) got engaged a few months ago and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was so excited to accept!”
“Her sister (32 Female) is the MOH (Maid of Honor), and there are three other bridesmaids. The date is set for April 2024.”
The bride recently sent a list of her expectations for the wedding.
“On April 1st of this year, she sent a PDF to the bridesmaid group chat that really made me angry.”
“It was a list of wedding party responsibilities, rules, and regulations.”
“It included a picture of the bridesmaid dresses that we’d be wearing. They were hideous!”
“And she told us that we’d have to pay $800 for them and that they only went up to a size eight, so anyone bigger than that would need to lose weight before the wedding.”
“That made me so angry because I wear a size 10, but also, she’s like a size 12, so she’s even fatter than me!”
“Other ridiculous things she added:”
“None of us were allowed to be tanner than her for the wedding, so she told us that none of us could spend significant time in the sun for the next year.”
“She wanted to have longer hair than all of her bridesmaids, so she said that we’d all have to cut our hair to our shoulders or shorter.”
“She wanted to do a choreographed dance with all of us and insisted that we go to three-hour dance classes with her every Sunday until the wedding, a year away.”
“She said that she wanted her bachelorette party to be in Paris and that we would all need to chip in $3,000.”
“There was more, but I was so angry I stopped reading and muted the group chat for a few hours.”
The OP didn’t want to be involved in the wedding party anymore.
“I was so livid and hurt that I decided to drop out of the wedding party, but I didn’t say anything right away.”
“The next day, I checked the group chat again, and everyone else had been chatting about how funny the bride’s ‘prank’ was. Apparently, at the bottom of the PDF, it said, ‘April Fools,’ but I hadn’t read that far because I was so mad.”
“Everyone else thought it was hilarious, but it still really rubbed me the wrong way.”
“I reached out to the bride to tell her how much this hurt my feelings, and she did apologize.”
The bride’s apology didn’t ease the sting of the prank.
“But even though it’s been almost two months, I’m still really angry.”
“I decided this week that I no longer want to be a bridesmaid because of the mean-spirited prank and told my cousin my decision.”
“Now she’s really hurt and angry, and the MOH and other bridesmaids and some of my family members are blowing up my phone, saying that I’m overreacting to an ‘innocent prank.'”
“But I believe that pranks are only funny if the recipient finds them funny, and I definitely didn’t.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP should have communicated sooner and respected the bride’s apology.
“YTA. I could understand initially getting upset, but the bride was upfront enough with her prank and didn’t try to keep the illusion going by giving it up at the end. (You just chose not to finish reading.)”
“Then the bride realized you didn’t find the prank funny, so she did the right thing and apologized, but you still decided to stay mad months after?”
“Nah, you had enough chances for this situation to be smoothed over and both parties satisfied. At this point, you’re just holding an unnecessary grudge.” – LurksAroundHere
“I blame OP for not knowing it wasn’t real. I was mentally judging whatever troll wrote this clearly-fake post for not even trying to make it sound real by the time I got to the point of the three-hour dance class every Sunday for a year.”
“Like, maybe ONE person in the history of ever had the time, want, and will to put 150 hours of practice into a bridal party group dance, but when that’s the third or fourth point in a list of already absurd requests?”
“Nah, OP was just stupid. And she knows it, which is why she’s mad because feeling stupid makes certain people irrationally angry.” – harmcharm77
“Sounds like you’re playing as the main character, to be honest.”
“Based on the fact you’ve not provided any other incidents of your cousin singling you out, you’re sensitive and self-centered due to your lack of confidence. I don’t blame you. A lack of confidence is very hard, but believe it or not, it wasn’t about you.”
“Take the leave, but don’t be too hard on yourself. Reflect on why you felt there was no explanation but for it to be about you, even though, as you stated, there were multiple people in each of those categories.”
“Apologize to your cousin and have a heart-to-heart if that would be appropriate, and don’t pull out, you’ll regret it. Don’t let your low self-esteem cause a potentially irreparable rift within your family.”
“There are NAH, but if you let this go on, you might be. Good luck, OP.” – ThrowRA10100111
“NTA. And it’s not OBVIOUSLY a joke by any means. Redditors have absolutely seen demands by BRIDES with those same requests. So no. It’s bulls**t to say OP should have known it was a joke.”
“OP was SO HURT by the list that she stopped reading. The bride should have predicted that it might be hurtful or too outrageous for some and that they wouldn’t find it funny or wouldn’t continue reading.”
“Actually, I’m changing my vote to NTA because of this (was previously NAH).”
“BRIDE should have KNOWN that there is always a risk of doing a prank. Including bridesmaids getting hurt/offended and pulling out of the wedding.”
“I will say, however, that I think if you have a sit down with the bride and hear her side of the story and (this is important) receive a (hopefully heartfelt) apology from her, that might be what you need to move forward from this and continue to support her and be in her wedding again.”
“I wish you the best of luck.” – jrobinson9108
“I’m going with NAH.”
“I can see the joke (kinda at her own expense, but via the bridal party so ehhh, risky, I guess), and also why you didn’t find it funny. Also, many Bridezillas have made similar or equally ridiculous requests so I can also see why you didn’t spot the joke.”
“It was good that she apologized, though I can see why you might still be rankled by it. Weight, appearance, and money can be very touchy topics, and jokes about them can definitely backfire.”
“That all being said, backing out was likely an overreaction. I would say you need to talk to her again. When you initially spoke to her, did you explain properly why you were upset?”
“Both of you need to discuss whether or not you rejoin the wedding party and clear the air over this issue because it would be a shame if you missed out on it.” – tiragata
Others thought the OP was right to drop out instead of creating drama at the wedding.
“I agree, but if OP feels like this, I think removing herself instead of souring the mood at the wedding or the events before is the correct thing to do.”
“Yes, she is a bit too sensitive. Then again, these are her feelings, prank or not.”
“I m gonna go against the grain and say NAH, except the moh and bridesmaids who need to back off and respect her decision.”
“Everyone is different, and what hurts someone makes another laugh or just sides down like water on duck feathers.”
“One has to deal with the current situation, which is OP is hurt and prefers to remove herself.”
“It’s a shame she can’t get over it, but other than that, you can’t control what you feel especially since it wasn’t meant to hurt in the first place.”
“You can control your behavior and sometimes how you react.”
“OP, apologize to the bride for backing off being a bridesmaid and see what you can do to try to be less sensitive so you don’t land in a situation like this in the future.”
“As far as I am concerned, you do the right thing removing yourself instead of risking ruining the wedding cause you are unable to process and get over these feelings.” – Organic_Start_420
“I’m going for NAH. OP feels hurt and upset after months, and I believe that our feelings should be taken into account when we make a decision. However, I don’t feel like blaming the bride for April’s fool. In my experience, it’s better to leave if a situation makes us impossibly angry and resentful.” – CrazyCatLord86
“NAH. You’re not obliged to go to this event. It’s your choice. If they aren’t interested in people having a choice, it might be that the prank was also targeted insults (hiding under the veneer of a prank).” – scrollbreak
“I’m gonna go with NAH. The prank was not overly mean, and it was reasonable of her to think you’d understand it was a prank, in my opinion, but it clearly made you feel less close to your cousin.”
“The people in her wedding party should feel close to her, and she has almost a year to find another bridesmaid if she needs a certain number of them. I will say it’s going to seem like an overreaction to most people who hear about it, and it’s going to hurt your relationship with your family.” – sleepynonsense
“Do people not realize that their reactions here are EXACTLY why these feelings have been festering within OP for two months now? Have some empathy. She might’ve not reacted the way y’all would’ve, but it’s better that she drops out of the wedding party than hold this grudge endlessly.”
“She’s in a lose-lose situation. She’s been trying to suck it up for two months. We judge others because their reactions are different than our own. It might not be a terrible prank on paper, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a prank that didn’t leave one of the targets laughing.”
“It’s totally understandable how it might feel mean-spirited. We don’t know other people’s mental state. We don’t know if this prank could’ve inadvertently triggered an ED (eating disorder).”
“Mental health issues are sensitive, and OP’s clearly got some. I’m pretty similar to OP, feeling hurt over things that logically most people wouldn’t. It’s called being an overthinker.”
“Since I’ve learned to embrace my feelings instead of chastising myself over them and now I talk them out with a trusted friend who is similar… I’ve found myself less sensitive to situations like this. Turns out, when you aren’t constantly festering those negative emotions, you’ll feel a lot better!”
“Feelings are that one thing that you just can’t change. You can’t just make them vanish. They’re human. Trying to make feelings just vanish as that leads to grudges.”
“Let’s stop raking OP over the coals for making a decision that is best for everyone. It’s best for her mental health to get some distance from the situation, it’s best that the bride and the rest of her wedding party aren’t around that festering negativity.”
“Remember, just because somebody reacts differently than you feel you would do something doesn’t mean that they’re automatically an asshole. NAH, but OP, get a handle on your emotions and find somebody to talk to, whether it be a therapist or a trusted, non-judgmental friend. You’re being an AH to yourself by subjecting yourself to your feelings.”
“And if you’ve been passive-aggressive to the bride in these two months, showing your grudge in ways other than dropping the wedding, well. You’re the AH for that as well. Passive aggression isn’t a good communicator and does nothing other than escalate a situation.” – itsmevictory
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“Okay, clearly I’ve been deemed the AH, and I’ll accept that, but I also realize that I didn’t explain my feelings very well.”
“I was angry because all of the items on the list seemed to single me out. Expensive dress and bachelorette? I make the least money out of everyone in the wedding party, and it felt like a jab.”
“The sizing? The same thing, only me and two other bridesmaids are bigger than size eight.”
“The hair? We all have long hair, but I have the longest hair out of anyone in the wedding party.”
“The tanning? I work outdoors, so I’m probably the one most likely to be tan.”
“Everything I read on the list felt tailored to me.”
The subReddit could understand why the list was initially upsetting for the OP, but they were divided over how the OP responded after her initial reaction.
Some thought she should have caught onto the prank or at least let the issue go, but others felt the OP needed to exit the wedding party to be true to herself rather than potentially cause drama at her cousin’s wedding.